I'm Back

I'm back from vacation. I've actually been back for a full day I've just been busy. Vacation was really fun. I loved getting to see all of my family again. I won't write much tonight because I'm getting ready for bed. Get to open tomorrow. Oh yay! My grandparents are in town til the 5th so my posts may still be scarce until then. I'll try to do a few though.

Start of Vacation

Mom and I are finally going to bed. We stayed behind one more day while the guys left for vacation today. We both still had to pack and clean house. We're leaving at 7 in the morning to start our vacation. One week in Branson, MO with 18 family members. They're all coming from Ohio and New Mexico. It's going to be an interesting week. I'll try to update, but no promises that it will be every day or long since it will be from my phone.
Have a great week everyone.

Grabbing the Bull by the Horns

I'm tired of being strong. It's not easy and it's tiring. I don't like not being strong so I will continue to be strong. I just may not always be happy about it. lol. I'm sick of bitching and complaining. I've actually bee really good about not complaining so much. I just want to let you know that I'm about to blow that.

I should be really happy right now. I got an email from Jeff (second one so far) this afternoon. Usually I would be smiling from ear to ear right now. Instead all I'm able to think about is the fact that I'm supposed to be so strong during this whole situation. So that's added on top to being strong while he is underway, while he is "off saving the world" (his words and I love it). I'm not saying I can't do it or I don't want to do it. If I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't have done it even this long. I guess all that I'm saying is that I wish he knew how hard I'm trying and how hard it is. I just want everyone to know that I'm fine but certain things that remind me of him a lot may send me over the edge.

I do the best that I can and I am the best that I can be. I have never been one to not go at something full force. I've grabbed this bull by the horns and I sure as hell am going to ride it til I'm bucked off. I'm here, I've figured out how to both live my life and wait for the love of my life. I guess now, all I can do is pray that I'm waiting for something that will happen and not something that will break my heart again.

Gosh I sound bipolar in this entry. lol. I promise I'm not, it's just one of those days.

Headache

I have a really bad headache tonight. No real entry I guess. If tomorrow is anything like today was at work, then I'll try to post one then. For now I'm just hoping I can sleep off this stupid headache (which feels like the start of a migraine).

BJ

It's passed my bedtime. I have to be at work at 6:20 in the morning and I really like to be asleep by 10:30. I don't really feel tired yet though. I did a bunch of laundry today! I really needed to since we're leaving for vacation at the end of the week. Zan and I went to Springdale this morning to Harbor Frieght. It was a bust in my opinion, but whatever.
BJ is here. My 16 year old cousin from Virginia got in this afternoon. Him and Zan have been playing video games ever since. lol. At least they aren't bugging me like I thought they would, so no complaints here. Not yet at least.
I'm dreading going to work tomorrow but really, I'm dreading this whole week. I just want it to be over so I can see some family and relax.
I'm off to at least lay down. I don't suspect to get sleepy til 11ish or later, but nothing hurts with trying.
Until Next Time.

"A" School

Damn you June "A" School list!! It's the 15th and you aren't updated!!!

Getting Easier

I'm giving up.
I don't know what to do.
I'm trying to figure out
What to do without you.

Life is complicated.
This is confusing.
How should I feel
About everything I'm losing?

I want to tell you everything.
I want you to too.
I feel so lost
I'm not me without you.

I am me.
This is who I am.
I just think me
Is better with you.

Ass Grab

Tomorrow is Another Day

I believe I promised a longer entry tonight. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to write about yet but I figure I'll just let it flow and we'll see where it goes. :)
I'm not really feeling better today. I still have no fever but I keep having problems breathing. I feel like I can't get enough air in. It sucks big time. I thought I was having an asthma attack at first. I haven't had asthma since I was 11 though. Now I kind of think that maybe it's just that I'm still sick even though I don't want to admit it. Perhaps it's moved down, to my chest. Oh joy. :) Ok, I'm done bitching about being sick.
I have no drive today. I'm sure it is because of the above (I didn't say the word). I so need to put away some clothes and straighten my room. It hasn't happened. It won't happen tonight now that Army Wives is on. Speaking of Army Wives, so far this seems like an episode that I can't relate to. FINALLY.
I'm not doing a good job at not emailing Jeff. I wanted to wait a few days before I emailed him. Haha, that was a joke. Today was email number 2. The first one shouldn't count because I was under the influence of Mucinex. It made me VERY emotional. I missed him VERY much. It's pretty much normal now. I mean it's as normal as it can be for the situation. A situation which has just added even more confusion onto it.
Anyway, I know no one truly wants to read all of this crap so I will spice up my blog a bit more from now on. I'm off to find a joke or something.

Unbirthday

I'm feeling much better today. By no means am I completely better but I have no fever today. I went into work at 7 this morning and lasted til my shift was over at 2. We were crazy busy today too. Actually tha part was a bit frustrating because I felt like I couldn't get the prep I needed to get done, done. Everytime I would go to start something a new customer would walk in. What should have taken me roughly an hour, ended up taking about 3. I didn't even get to eat lunch til 1:30, then I had to scarf it down in 5 minutes between customers. Don't think I'm complaining too much though because it really helped the time to pass by quickly. I really do like my job most days. There are some customers that can manage to ruin my entire day and working with certain people has a tendency to do the same. But that is it.
So today we celebrated mom's "unbirthday". Her birthday was yesterday but she had an absolute horrid day so she celebrated it today. We had some friends over and cooked out. Overall it was a lot of fun.
I don't have too much on my mind right now. I'm mainly just tired and ready for bed. I'm excited I get to sleep in 2 hours later than usual. Woot woot to not opening til 9 on Sundays. I'll try to write more tomorrow since my blogs have all been short recently.
Until Next Time.

Strength

I can be strong. I will be strong. This is only because I am sick. I will resist emailing you already. I can do this. I'm going to wait til the day I decided to email you. This really sucks by the way. Why is it this hard? Is it just because I'm sick? It's not even like we've been talking a lot but it feels that way. I admit that I miss you and that this is really hard. The whole thing is. I'm still crazy confused about everything. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel or what I'm supposed to do. I'm open to any advice. I guess for now this will be outlet. I'll write here everytime I want to write him. Be prepared.

Allergies

I still don't feel good. I don't want to go to work, but I am. I'm 90% positive that it's just really bad allergies. Either way though, all I want to do is sleep.

Sick Still

I don't really know what to write about. What I'd love to be able to write about will have to wait a few days. It's ok though because that will give me more time to think about it all. I'll get my thoughts together and figure out what needs to be said on here and what needs to be written elsewhere.
I got my new phone today. I'm officially a member of the iPhone club. Woot Woot. I've downloaded words with friends, so add me. Polishgirlinar.
As for anything I can think to write about, well it will have to wait. Right now I'm about to become good friends with a bottle of Nyquil. My allergies are still crazy and my headache is worse. :( But hey, I'm still going strong. I'm just a little more irretible than I'd like to be.
Until Next Time.

Blah

What have I accomplished so far today? No where near as much as I wanted to. I worked from 6-9 but really it was 6:15 because I didn't have a key and the girl training me overslept. Oh well, at least I stayed 20ish minutes late yesterday. I also vacuumed the pool. Other than that I've done just about nothing. I wish my throat would stop hurting and my headache would go away so I felt like doing more. Right now I just feel like crap. I took an allergy pill hoping that's what it is but it hasn't helped yet.
Anyway, I have to help Zan put stuff in the attic, he cleaned the garage today. Then I'm starting dinner. I'll probably write again tonight.
Until Next Time.

Random

Hmm... I'm not quite sure what I'm going to write about tonight. I don't have a planned out topic that ends up going in a million different directions as usual. So, I'm sure this will end up being short and random. :)

Honestly the main thing on my mind right now is how I have to get up again at 6 in the morning. I wouldn't be complaining if I was able to get enough sleep at night. I actually kind of like it because then I still have my whole day ahead of me. Especially on a day like tomorrow. I get off at 9. I plan on coming home and jumping back in bed. If for some reason I can't fall asleep then I'm making the cinnamon rolls I've been craving for a few days now. Yummy.

I really don't know what else to write about tonight. There is plenty of stuff but most of it I can't write about and some of it I guess I'd rather just keep inside for now. Oh and I just realized that I never posted any pics from Shareholders so... I've attached a few. The first is of Zac Brown Band. Second is Tim McGraw. Third is REO Speedwagon. And fourth is The Barenaked Ladies.