Don't take this as me just bitching and complaining. I mean I know that it kind of is, but I have my reasons.
I told my boss to work me this weekend. That my family was going out of town and when I'm not working I'll just be sitting around the house doing nothing. She told me she would most def get me the hours. I went in today to check my schedule and I have 15 hours is all. :( Normally, I would be very happy with that just not this weekend. I am able to pick up up to 3 more hours on Monday. It's supposed to be slow though and she already warned me she'll probably send me home early.
If I had more money, I'd be pretty happy with this. I'd just spend the time off going to movies and maybe driving down to Devils Den to hike. I may still go to the movies once and will just have to live with Tanyard Creek Trail. There's a way to compromise. A way to figure out how to still get what you want and be happy. I'm learning how to be like that. I'm trying to see the positive in stuff more. Right now, I still think of the bad first but a little later the good does come to me. :)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Song of the Day
Today's song is...
How You Remind Me by Nickelback
No real reason, I just went to search for a video and decided I wanted a Nickelback one. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cQh1ccqu8M
How You Remind Me by Nickelback
No real reason, I just went to search for a video and decided I wanted a Nickelback one. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cQh1ccqu8M
I Get A Little Bit Stronger
So no, the week didn't go how I had thought it would. Then again though, when does anything ever go how I think it will? Does it make me sad? A little, but it's my own fault. lol I've allowed myself an alloted amount of time to feel this way though. I know that I need to be strong. I need to learn to control my emotions. I need to continue to mature. I can't take a step back from the progress that I've made. If I want this to work then I need to do my part and all I can expect is for him to do his.
We need to continue to work on our communication. We also need to continue to work on our relationship. We can't just sit back and not talk about things. If we continue to do that then we'll never get back to where we were. And that's all I want. I want it to be where we were right before things started getting bad. I was really happy with us then. Where we were and where we were headed. I had great things to look forward to, to plan and research for.
For now, I need to figure out these next few days. I need to figure out how to get used to being at home in the evenings. Not going to see him every night. Not knowing that for once he's just down the road instead of a thousand miles away. It's all about routine. About getting back on a schedule. Knowing that right around 9 I'll get a phone call. Knowing that if I text him after 1 I have more of a chance of getting a response quickly. It's the same as that first week or so when he is underway. It's all about knowing when I'll hear from him, that helps me make it til that time. :)
That all probably sounds really sad and sure, I am sad but it had been 7 months and no matter how much I want to believe it won't be another 7 months, I can't help but think that it will be. I think though it's kind of like when I guy does something to you that hurts you and it takes someone proving that they won't do that to you for you to believe it won't always happen. I know that sounds stupid to compare something as simple as seeing someone to that but unless you've been in my shoes you have no idea how hard it can be and how much you miss that person. There are days when you want nothing more than to be in their arms, it's not everyday but it does happen.
Blogging probably isn't the right place to put all of this. If I don't get it out somewhere though then I know it will just build up and will all come out at once. I'm trying different things to relieve my stress and anxiety. For now, this is what I'm trying.
We need to continue to work on our communication. We also need to continue to work on our relationship. We can't just sit back and not talk about things. If we continue to do that then we'll never get back to where we were. And that's all I want. I want it to be where we were right before things started getting bad. I was really happy with us then. Where we were and where we were headed. I had great things to look forward to, to plan and research for.
For now, I need to figure out these next few days. I need to figure out how to get used to being at home in the evenings. Not going to see him every night. Not knowing that for once he's just down the road instead of a thousand miles away. It's all about routine. About getting back on a schedule. Knowing that right around 9 I'll get a phone call. Knowing that if I text him after 1 I have more of a chance of getting a response quickly. It's the same as that first week or so when he is underway. It's all about knowing when I'll hear from him, that helps me make it til that time. :)
That all probably sounds really sad and sure, I am sad but it had been 7 months and no matter how much I want to believe it won't be another 7 months, I can't help but think that it will be. I think though it's kind of like when I guy does something to you that hurts you and it takes someone proving that they won't do that to you for you to believe it won't always happen. I know that sounds stupid to compare something as simple as seeing someone to that but unless you've been in my shoes you have no idea how hard it can be and how much you miss that person. There are days when you want nothing more than to be in their arms, it's not everyday but it does happen.
Blogging probably isn't the right place to put all of this. If I don't get it out somewhere though then I know it will just build up and will all come out at once. I'm trying different things to relieve my stress and anxiety. For now, this is what I'm trying.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Song of the Day
Today's song of the day is...
True Blood Theme Song - Jace Everett
Jeff has officially gotten me addicted to True Blood. He's getting me season 2 tonight and I'm really excited! I just finished up season 1 a couple of hours ago. SO GOOD!
True Blood Theme Song - Jace Everett
Jeff has officially gotten me addicted to True Blood. He's getting me season 2 tonight and I'm really excited! I just finished up season 1 a couple of hours ago. SO GOOD!
Progress
Well, it has been a great 10 days. I'm just sad that it's pretty much over. Even though it didn't go how I thought it would, I'm still really happy and feel good. It's been 10 days of little sleep, traveling back and forth between his house, waiting to see him, and lots of great memories. I really hope that we are able to work things out in the morning and I get to take him to the airport tomorrow.
I got upset tonight when I found out we had some miscommunication and someone else is taking him. I shouldn't have gotten upset, but I did. At least I realized afterward that it was stupid and that I overreacted. I personally think that's a step in the right direction. Before I would have just come inside and still been sad and upset. Tonight I was just mad I had let myself get that way. Baby steps, but at least they are in the right direction. It's hard to correct 20 years of overreacting overnight. It's taking time and I just hope I can keep it up and maybe move forward at a faster pace. Progress. :)
I got upset tonight when I found out we had some miscommunication and someone else is taking him. I shouldn't have gotten upset, but I did. At least I realized afterward that it was stupid and that I overreacted. I personally think that's a step in the right direction. Before I would have just come inside and still been sad and upset. Tonight I was just mad I had let myself get that way. Baby steps, but at least they are in the right direction. It's hard to correct 20 years of overreacting overnight. It's taking time and I just hope I can keep it up and maybe move forward at a faster pace. Progress. :)
Friday, August 27, 2010
Bored
I'm really bored right now. I'm watching True Blood (2 episodes left til done with season 1). My iPod is syncing. No one is on facebook. Mom isn't home with dinner yet. lol. I haven't had downtime like this all week. I don't know what to do about it. lol. :) I probably should have napped or something. Oh well.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Song of the Day
Todays song is...
Why Wait by Rascal Flatts
I heard it for the first time the other day. It's the first single off of their new album which is going to be released sometime this year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSmlc4PtgoY
Why Wait by Rascal Flatts
I heard it for the first time the other day. It's the first single off of their new album which is going to be released sometime this year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSmlc4PtgoY
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Song of the Day
It's been a while since I did a song of the day.
My Heart by Paramore
Some of the scenes in this video aren't from New Moon. I know I've seen the movie before though, I think it's one where she lives on a farm and crows take over. lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phpijKTjIy0
My Heart by Paramore
Some of the scenes in this video aren't from New Moon. I know I've seen the movie before though, I think it's one where she lives on a farm and crows take over. lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phpijKTjIy0
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