Lack of Hours

Don't take this as me just bitching and complaining. I mean I know that it kind of is, but I have my reasons.
I told my boss to work me this weekend. That my family was going out of town and when I'm not working I'll just be sitting around the house doing nothing. She told me she would most def get me the hours. I went in today to check my schedule and I have 15 hours is all. :( Normally, I would be very happy with that just not this weekend. I am able to pick up up to 3 more hours on Monday. It's supposed to be slow though and she already warned me she'll probably send me home early.
If I had more money, I'd be pretty happy with this. I'd just spend the time off going to movies and maybe driving down to Devils Den to hike. I may still go to the movies once and will just have to live with Tanyard Creek Trail. There's a way to compromise. A way to figure out how to still get what you want and be happy. I'm learning how to be like that. I'm trying to see the positive in stuff more. Right now, I still think of the bad first but a little later the good does come to me. :)

Talk to Me

I'm very proud of myself at the moment. I made a goal and gosh darn it if I'm not sticking to it (thus far). It is really hard and I am really stressed right now. Ok, so not really stressed. Just a normal amount for me. I was really stressed earlier when I thought I was going to get in trouble for work. That's another story though and I'm not getting into that. Haha all I'd do is bitch about someone I work with and that's no fun for anyone else.
So in my mind, today went a lot differently than it actually did. Although that happens a lot with me.
My sunburn still hurts... very bad. It hurts worse now than this morning and I have no idea how I'm going to wear a bra the 6 hours I'm at work tomorrow. If only I had a strapless one that actually stayed up. TMI I know. I'm praying for a slow day tomorrow. We close at 4 but luckily I'm only there til 2. It's been really busy the last few days, but last week our Sunday rush didn't really come til 1ish and lasted til 4ish. We are having a company picnic tomorrow but I'm not going. No one, except my manager, from my store is going and I don't really feel like swimming.
I got my board shorts today! Super excited about that. I wore my white ones today actually :) Sadly the black ones don't have a pocket but the super cool Fox graphic makes up for that.
Oh my they way... I'm sunburned in my head too. Lol. So in a week when it's peeling I swear its not really bad dandruff. :)
Talk to Me!!

Sleepy Work

I can't sleep. I actually haven't tried to yet but that's beside the point. I think my neighbors are having a hump day party (not the reason I'm still up). I just want to say awesome! lol. You know those days when you just don't want to go to work? I can already feel that tomorrow is going to be one of those days. I don't really know why. I'm only working 3 hours, I'm just dreading it for some reason. Everyone has those days though.
I really do need to sleep. I haven't slept well in a while and it's starting to get to me. Not to the point where I'm emotional because of it but to the point where I have a stupid headache because of it. :( Eventually though right? haha. Sleep when I'm dead.
As for now, I'll keep watching this episode of South Park. Then it's off to try to sleep for me. I've got work from 10-1 tomorrow. Then off to the movies with Zan.

What A Day!

So, today was the first day I'd ever worked more than 8 hours at a job. I worked 9 hours today. My morning started out horrible. The AC is still broken. Which caused the bread in the retarder to proof way too much. I had to throw away over 60 uncooked loaves of bread today. I didn't know what to do about that at first though (with that much wasted bread I wanted to get my manager's approval first). She was camping at the lake though and I had a time trying to get ahold of her. Then, I had 46 loaves to start my day with is all. I got more out of the freezer but I had to wait for it to get ready. That made me a nervous wreck. I had 2 party trays I had to make first thing. That took up time I needed to prep veggies and meats. It was a good experience though because I had never done one on my own before. Hope I did it right. lol. Oh and the ice machine was broke so I had to make 2 trips to the Promenade Subway for ice.
Eventually my day got a little better. I mean the bad stuff stopped happening at least. lol. I was determined not to let it get worse though. Thankfully, it got to the point where the only bad thing was the heat. When I had last checked (about 2:30) our lobby was 85 degrees and the prep area felt a lot hotter than the lobby. Not much I could do about that though.
Well, now that I have some dinner and cold vitamin water in me I'm feeling a lot better. Off to do some laundry and maybe go swim. Army Wives later!!

Payday

I'm not tired yet but am forcing myself to go to bed. I have to open in the morning and after staying up so late last night I'm sure it will be hard to get up. I've got work til 2. Almost 8 hours, that was supposed to only be 3. But hey, ITS PAYDAY!! Always an upside of some sort. Just have to find it. :)
I'm about to take a melatonin and hopefully pass out soon. Goodnight all. Sweet dreams and don't let the bed bugs bite.

Work, Missing Someone, and Being an Adult

What a day! Today was my first 8 hour shift at work. I go in to find that I work another one tomorrow. Oh joy, my knees are going to love me. At least the day after it I only work 3 hours. I've got 31 hours on the schedule this week. I could have had a few more on Friday but there is too much going on that day. So I'll just stick with the 3 hours I've got. Anyway, I've already decided that there are some people that I like to work with and those that make me want to quit on the spot. lol. I shall use no names but I will say that I worked with one of the people that makes me want to quit today. The good news is that I didn't quit, the bad news is that I seriously dread working with said person. Enough about work though.

So right now, I'm watching Legion. The first time I saw it I had Jeff's arm to grab. I'm home alone this time. It's really made me think. For starters, I will try really hard not to write anymore sappy, sad, or lovey blogs for a while. Ok, well for as long as I can tolerate. It is my blog after all. :) So for the first time, I am publicly admitting that I miss Jeff. I want it to be known that there isn't a thing I wouldn't do to make everything alright. I want it to be known that I do not have feelings for anyone but him and that I may be single but I am by no means available. I broke down last night, I had been holding in. I had been nothing but strong. I couldn't do it anymore though, so I broke down and cried. I got weak and now I'm having a hard time being strong again. Don't think that I'm constantly crying or just feeling sorry for myself. I'm not being strong in the sense that I can't get him off of my mind. That for the first time I'm thinking about how much I miss him and everything that I took for granted before. I'm trying to think of what I could do to fix everything but sadly I think it's not really something I alone can fix. So, I'm allowing myself to be sad and feel like this for a day or two because I think it's better to do that than to hold it in and lose it again. I don't want to cry like that again, I feel like a weak child when I do. That isn't me.

I am 20 years old. I am 20 years old and until recently I have not felt like an adult. I'm sure that seems pathetic and I'd agree. I have had few responsibilities, few opportunities that have mad me need to grow up. I don't know what it is that changed that, but I know that I suddenly want some sort of responsibility. I want to start acting my age. I am 20 years old and I went to a club for the first time last Friday. I am 20 years old and I'm going to upgrade my phone and pay for my upgrade and upgrade options. Sure those seem like small things, but I have to start somewhere. And even though they are small things, I'm proud of myself.

In summary then (oh yes, I'm throwing a summary into this one), I love and hate my job. I will probably not have it for a long time but I will not quit it until I have another one already (another adult thing in my opinion). I miss Jeff, I would probably be grabbing his arm right now. I want to do whatever I can to work things out with us. And finally, I am starting to feel my age. I am feeling like an adult.

Until Next Time (later tonight)

Hello, I'm a Subway Sandwich Artist

As promised tonight's blog is about my new job, and probably some other stuff too. In case not everyone knows, I'm working at Subway as a Sandwich Artist. Oh yes, be jealous. I am still in training. I've got a morning or two left of it. I'm training to be an opener. For anyone who doesn't know, Subway is now open for breakfast... bright and early at 7 am. That means I have to get there at 6. I would say I'm not complaining but well, when I put on my application that I could open I had forgotten that they started serving breakfast. Oh well, it's just for the summer since I'll have 8 am classes in the fall.

Tomorrow I'll be at work for 2 hours by myself. I'm really nervous about it. I still don't even know how to make all of the sandwiches. At least it will be during the less busy time. I'm quickly learning that I move a bit slow for the world of fast food. It's fast paced, which means there isn't much time for errors. At least my manager is understanding. As for some of the customers, well that's another story. I think it's crazy how many regulars we have. I know that some people obviously are but it's more than I suspected. Which means... good news Jeff, you are not alone.

I'm also starting agree with my parents that everyone should work in fast food at some point in time. It's hard work. You sweat, you earn your minimum wage, it's a lot of standing on your feet, you learn great customer service, and you get great stories. It also has already (in the less than week I've been there) made me realize how important it is to get a college degree. lol. I do not want to be working in fast food still when I'm 40. Heck I don't think that I'll be in this job in a year. Although that's because I'm hoping to be able to have a job, as soon as possible, working with kids. I mean, it's what I'm going to go to school for so I think a little practice before it becomes a career will be a good thing. So everyone in NWA keep your ears open for me for any daycare openings or something of that sort.

One of these days I really am going to fall asleep before midnight. I'm actually not even really tired anymore. Maybe I should just start going to bed at 6 since that when I always seem to be sleepy. At least I don't have to be in til 9 tomorrow. I'm getting an extra hour in at work too! Woot Woot to money. Then my girls are coming over for swimming and maybe going to dinner after. I have the best friends. Seriously guys, thanks for keeping me busy and you are all welcome to come swim whenever you want!!
Until Next Time.

Praying for a Sign

So the concerts were great. I saw Zac Brown Band and Tim McGraw on Tuesday and REO Speedwagon and Barenaked Ladies last night. I also heard that Jamie Fox was at the Pleasant Grove Walmart last night and I know someone who checked in Mariah Carey. Shareholders should enjoy them tomorrow.

I started work today. I'm absolutely exhausted. I couldn't fall asleep last night and got woken up by a storm at 2 this morning. Sometimes I wish that I could just shut off my mind, then I would have had no problems falling asleep. Instead I sat up and prayed. Although I think I spent more time apologizing for not praying more often, seeming selfish in my prayers, and so on. I prayed for a sign. A sign so I would know what was what. To know what to do and how things will turn out. I had a dream, I don't know if it was my sign or not. If it was, I only hope that someone else receives the same type of outcome, a sign saying it's the thing that should be done. Of course I still don't feel at ease that's what makes me question if it was the sign I asked for or not.

Anyway, I don't think I can really write much more right now. If I do, well it would just be all of my feelings pouring out and I'm sure no one wants to read that. :) If I write again tonight I'll probably write a bit more about my first day. Of course, I just hope I can fall asleep earlier and at ease tonight.

Until Next Time.

Politics and flying

Tonight Zan and I were talking and he mentioned how a bunch of his friends were going to talk to recruiters after school today. I asked which branches and he told me that 4 were going to talk about flying with the Navy and 3 the Marines. Later on we discussed what branches and jobs we would want in the military. I said that I would only join 2 branches (one is because I'm a little biased), the Coast Guard and the Air Force. Zan would only join the Air Force. Of course two of the jobs that he would want to do he wouldn't be able to because his sight is too bad. He'd want to be a pilot, fly an ROA, or be a mechanic on helos. As for me, the only thing I can think that I'd want to do is be a pilot. I've always had an attraction to planes. :) If I couldn't do that I'd be happy with any other one that could potentially land me at the Pentagon. Oh and by the way, the only way I'd join is if I could be an officer.

I guess that it just got me thinking. Are we the only ones that think about this but do nothing about it? Is it normal to think about it but not have the intention to do it? We've had plenty of family in the military. My grandfather was in the Air Force, my uncle and aunt in the Army, another uncle and cousin in the Navy, and a cousin (my age) in the Air Force. There's probably more but at the moment I can't think of them. I guess we need someone to join the Coast Guard and the Marines and we can have had every branch covered at some point in time. :)

Just my little rant for the night I guess. Time to write uncle a letter now and go to sleep.

Until next time.

Job

All is right again in the world of Samantha, emotion wise at least. I just thought everyone should know since my posts seem to be bipolar. Lol. I'm upset in some, lonely, mad, sad, and happy. Sometimes I just need a really firm hand (haha not literally though) in telling me what to do. I can be so stubborn that I get stuck in my ways and thoughts and don't acknowledge the other things. It just takes me seeing what all I'll lose or will happen if I continue to think the way in which I am. I got that! Thank you sweetie. :)


Now if I could only get a job, just about everything would be peachy. I sent my resume, which I had to make tonight, to the Fuse tonight. They're hiring part time front desk and child care position. I would LOVE that job. It would give me more interaction with kids, which I'm wanting since I've decided to major in early education. It would also put me back in the scene of a gym. I went for working out 2-3 hours a night when I taught karate to nothing. I'm not too crazy about that. I have an outstanding application at Petco and Petsmart. I am turning one into Bed, Bath, & Beyond tomorrow, and I need to update my Walmart and Sams ones. I'm feeling lucky this week so cross your fingers please!






A great picture by Emily!

Tattoos

So, I think that all my other blogs seemed really down and sad. I kind of was at the time. Since though, I have decided that things could be so much worse and that I'm going to make the best of this situation. I'm actually kind of excited and looking forward to the new opportunities it will bring. For anyway who may have worried, Jeff and I are absolutely fine. It was just me, well being me. I realized this past week that have some issues with insecurity. This is something I really want to work on over the next few months. There is no reason for me to worry about the things that I do and had been this week.

Now it's time to buckle down. I NEED a job! I'm sick of sitting at home and being broke. I don't want to go spend crazy (although I don't plan on saving any of my first paycheck). I want to save most of it but at the same time want to be able to buy a new shirt when I see a cute one. lol. Oh ya and I'm going to finally get my tattoo. It's not the one I wanted for a long time but it's one that represents something I kind of lost sight of recently. A tattoo of stars. That way I'll never forget to shoot for the stars and to dream big. Something I've always been a believer in.

I think my lack of sleep is starting to get to me. I know that I had more to say but I seem to have forgotten it. So, until next time. :)