Fucked Up

I think I may have fucked up big time. To me it seemed harmless, but now I can see how it could look bad.

The Beach

I took this picture 2 years ago at Grayton Beach, FL. It was on the pathway from A-Typical (the house we were staying in) to the beach. This is where I'd LOVE to be right now.

Song of the Day

It's been a while since I had a song of the day.
Today's song is...

Asylum by Disturbed
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1K9jBL2syJ8

Camo

Always a Positive

Today was a pretty good day. Work went by relatively fast and I got an extra hour in. It was A LOT busier than it was supposed to be though. Chelsea and I were not prepared. Hopefully tomorrow will be different. Neither one of us likes it when it's super busy, although it does help the time go by a lot faster. Always a positive to every negative right (me trying to be more positive. lol)? :)
Then, I came home and ate my sandwich. I watched the last episode in season 2 of True Blood. OMG!!! It was an intense episode! I think I'm in love with it though. I just want to see season 3 already. Is that the current season by any chance? Am I going to have to wait forever for it to come out on DVD?? Oh I hope not. lol.
After that I went to the movies. I went and saw the movie "Going the Distance" thanks to the recommendation of a friend. It really was a great movie. It just wasn't a movie for me to see by myself. At one point I wanted to yell at the screen and walk out! You can have a fucking relationship seeing each other only every 3 months!!!!!!!!!!! Ah it feels better now that I got it out. Thanks.
I went to walmart after the movie, then came home and made a quesidilla for dinner and got ready for friends to come over tomorrow night. It's going to be fun tomorrow. I can't wait to get off work and be able to come home and relax all evening with good friends.

Lookin' Sexy

What a day. I got up early, straightened my hair, did my make-up, and got dressed up super cute. I love skinny jeans now. I want more of them. I think I'm going to search for more this weekend. Oh ya, another reason to make today a good day... it was payday! I didn't even bother figuring out how much I would get because I thought it wouldn't be a lot. I love when it's more than I think it's going to be.

School was really boring, but I think I was just ready for the weekend to start already. I'm hoping my concentration comes back next week. Woohoo for a short week by the way! I'm ready for it. I offered to take an open shift on Monday because I wanted the hours, I was told today not to come in but to just be on stand by because last labor day was really slow. So now I actually get a day off from school and work. Let me tell you, I am already looking forward to sleeping in. :) lol

Now, I'm watching True Blood. Thanks Jeff for getting me addicted. This is my 3rd episode today and well, I only wanted to watch 2. It's ok though, I downloaded South Park season 12 so I still have something to keep me busy this weekend.

Lack of Hours

Don't take this as me just bitching and complaining. I mean I know that it kind of is, but I have my reasons.
I told my boss to work me this weekend. That my family was going out of town and when I'm not working I'll just be sitting around the house doing nothing. She told me she would most def get me the hours. I went in today to check my schedule and I have 15 hours is all. :( Normally, I would be very happy with that just not this weekend. I am able to pick up up to 3 more hours on Monday. It's supposed to be slow though and she already warned me she'll probably send me home early.
If I had more money, I'd be pretty happy with this. I'd just spend the time off going to movies and maybe driving down to Devils Den to hike. I may still go to the movies once and will just have to live with Tanyard Creek Trail. There's a way to compromise. A way to figure out how to still get what you want and be happy. I'm learning how to be like that. I'm trying to see the positive in stuff more. Right now, I still think of the bad first but a little later the good does come to me. :)

Fish In the Sea

Song of the Day

Today's song is...

How You Remind Me by Nickelback
No real reason, I just went to search for a video and decided I wanted a Nickelback one. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cQh1ccqu8M

Wedding Fail

I Get A Little Bit Stronger

So no, the week didn't go how I had thought it would. Then again though, when does anything ever go how I think it will? Does it make me sad? A little, but it's my own fault. lol I've allowed myself an alloted amount of time to feel this way though. I know that I need to be strong. I need to learn to control my emotions. I need to continue to mature. I can't take a step back from the progress that I've made. If I want this to work then I need to do my part and all I can expect is for him to do his.
We need to continue to work on our communication. We also need to continue to work on our relationship. We can't just sit back and not talk about things. If we continue to do that then we'll never get back to where we were. And that's all I want. I want it to be where we were right before things started getting bad. I was really happy with us then. Where we were and where we were headed. I had great things to look forward to, to plan and research for.
For now, I need to figure out these next few days. I need to figure out how to get used to being at home in the evenings. Not going to see him every night. Not knowing that for once he's just down the road instead of a thousand miles away. It's all about routine. About getting back on a schedule. Knowing that right around 9 I'll get a phone call. Knowing that if I text him after 1 I have more of a chance of getting a response quickly. It's the same as that first week or so when he is underway. It's all about knowing when I'll hear from him, that helps me make it til that time. :)
That all probably sounds really sad and sure, I am sad but it had been 7 months and no matter how much I want to believe it won't be another 7 months, I can't help but think that it will be. I think though it's kind of like when I guy does something to you that hurts you and it takes someone proving that they won't do that to you for you to believe it won't always happen. I know that sounds stupid to compare something as simple as seeing someone to that but unless you've been in my shoes you have no idea how hard it can be and how much you miss that person. There are days when you want nothing more than to be in their arms, it's not everyday but it does happen.
Blogging probably isn't the right place to put all of this. If I don't get it out somewhere though then I know it will just build up and will all come out at once. I'm trying different things to relieve my stress and anxiety. For now, this is what I'm trying.

Song of the Day

Today's song of the day is...

True Blood Theme Song - Jace Everett
Jeff has officially gotten me addicted to True Blood. He's getting me season 2 tonight and I'm really excited! I just finished up season 1 a couple of hours ago. SO GOOD!

I Love You

Progress

Well, it has been a great 10 days. I'm just sad that it's pretty much over. Even though it didn't go how I thought it would, I'm still really happy and feel good. It's been 10 days of little sleep, traveling back and forth between his house, waiting to see him, and lots of great memories. I really hope that we are able to work things out in the morning and I get to take him to the airport tomorrow.
I got upset tonight when I found out we had some miscommunication and someone else is taking him. I shouldn't have gotten upset, but I did. At least I realized afterward that it was stupid and that I overreacted. I personally think that's a step in the right direction. Before I would have just come inside and still been sad and upset. Tonight I was just mad I had let myself get that way. Baby steps, but at least they are in the right direction. It's hard to correct 20 years of overreacting overnight. It's taking time and I just hope I can keep it up and maybe move forward at a faster pace. Progress. :)

Do To You