Camping

I'M HOME!!!
We had a great weekend camping down at Lake Fort Smith. It didn't rain!! For anyone who doesn't know it literally rained every camping trip last year and had on the other one we went on this year. It was pretty exciting. lol. It was rather hot but that was better than the rain in my opinion. We cooked on the dutch ovens every night. It was stews for dinner and I didn't think I'd like them, but I still tried and ate them both. We did brownies for dessert on the first night and apple cobbler the second. Both were done in the dutch oven. I must admit that dad is pretty good at it. :)

Jeff and I are supposed to skype tonight. I'm trying not to get excited because I'm sure it won't happen, but well I can't help it. I have only gotten a couple of pictures on my phone from him since I last saw him February 4th. I just want to see him even if it's only through a pixly skype session.

I'll write again later probably.

Camping with Abbi

I'm going out of town for the weekend. We're going camping at Lake Fort Smith. We were there last year for Labor Day weekend. There isn't much to do besides fishing but I think the time away will be good for me. I'm starting to realize how much life can suck sometimes. How no plans seem to stick anymore. Well, I'm done getting my hopes up. This is it. If I don't get my hopes up then I can't get dissappointed when it doesn't happen. That was off subject, sorry.

I don't have too much to say tonight. I never packed my clothes for camping. Zan and I are driving up separate after he gets out of school though, so I'll just do it later. We have to stop and get a bunch of stuff from Walmart before we get out of Fayetown... we forgot it tonight. We'll have Abbi with us too so I'm not sure how that will work. I don't think I can leave her in the car alone since it's been so hot recently. I think I'm going to just live in bathing suit tops all weekend. lol. It sounds like a plan to me. :)

Wish me luck on my cell phone signalless (haha I think I made that work up) weekend.

Until Next Time.

LOLcats

One Helluva Hug

Every night recently I've said to Jeff "There was something I wanted to tell you but I can't remember." Then shortly after hanging up I remember what it was that I had wanted to say. Too bad it's too late. Our conversation tonight was short, but that's fine it was late when he called. Even if it had been longer I can't say that I would have remembered. Gah! It's getting rather annoying. At the end of the day though, I'm just happy that I was able to talk to him. I don't think that he realizes how happy our conversations make me, even when they are that short. It's just hearing his voice, knowing that he's there on the other end of the line listening. I can't think of much to talk about recently, but it will pass and I once again won't be able to shut up at night.

There are days every once in a while where I miss him like crazy. Today didn't start out like one but apparently it's turned into one of those days. I had no intentions of writing the entire blog about Jeff. lol. I hope he doesn't mind. :) I just really miss him all of a sudden. I miss my good morning texts and the random sweet/loving texts I used to get. I didn't realize that I missed him so much until right now. I don't even know what it is that made me miss him so bad all of a sudden. I guess that maybe the reality of things set in. What things? Well, I can't say. I will say that I am so proud of him. SO PROUD! He's doing so great with losing weight and exercising. He's great at his job, figuring out stuff others can't. I don't know if I could get much prouder. I brag on him all of the time. When I do finally see him, whenever that may be, I can tell you he is going to get one helluva hug and have to pry me off of him. (I like to brag a little) No one else will ever be able to make me feel the way he does. Oh and the picture is old. It's from

senior year (I think) but it's one of my favs of us.

Until Next Time.

Poles

Random

I didn't write yesterday and to be quite honest I have no idea what to write about today. My solution? Just write whatever comes to mind for a few paragraphs. If it's random or doesn't make sense I'd like to apologize. Especially since I'm flipping back and forth from writing this and reading Coastie Chicks. By the way... shout out to who ever my reader(s) from clearwater is/are! I like the feedjit thing that lets me see. lol

Today I rented Dear John. I had already seen it in theaters but it was one of those movies that I just needed to watch again. While watching it I got the sudden urge to write Jeff. He isn't underway or anything right now so I can talk to him as I usually do. I didn't really care. I've always been a fan of writing him letters although I'm not sure how he likes them. I'd imagine he doesn't mind. Who knows though because I usually write the stuff I don't want to say in our nightly conversations. I can get my emotions and feelings out so much better through writing. I did promise him a special letter as the next one, at the end of the one I wrote today. When he is underway I don't write him a ton of letters since 1.) they don't get mail that often and 2.) we constantly email each other. I do, however, write in a journal everyday. I gave him the journal I used after our first patrol together. I didn't write as much during the last patrol so I'm just going to put this patrol in that journal as well.

I really want to go shopping. I haven't been in forever. Sadly, I have no money right now. I don't even really "need" anything. Well, I actually do need shorts seeing as I only have 1 pair of jean ones. New flip flops would be nice too. I don't think I'll be able to do much saving when I first get a job. I'm so far behind on my shopping. lol. I also am thinking about getting an iPhone. Walmart is putting the 3Gs on sale for $97 to make room for the new 4G phone and well, my contract has been up for quite some time. Oh and don't forget my tattoo, but I already have that money saved up and separated so I don't spend it on something else. I just can't decide what I want. I know I want shooting stars, but there are so many options. I'll post a few that I like at the end of this blog. Let me know what you think.

So it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to figure out what to write. lol. I have a pretty busy day tomorrow, thankfully. And I'm looking forward to this weekend. Camping all weekend at Lake Fort Smith with family friends.

Until next time.

Army Wives *spoilers*

Army Wives is, without a doubt, my favorite tv show. Every Sunday night at 9, my tv is tuned to Lifetime. It always makes me think and 90% of the time it makes me cry. Tonight's episode really made me think. I thought about so much actually.

First, is that Jeremy needs to stop being a mommas boy. It is time that he starts making his own decisions. For peats sake, it was time for him to reenlist so he's at least 21. He doesn't need his mom's permission to re up. I realize that he still needs her approval and doesn't want to disappoint her. Jeremy is in the Army, it's time that he steps up and acts like a man. Haha, ok so in my head this sounded a lot differently.

Next, is that I don't know how any woman could go through what Roxy did tonight. She is a strong woman but for any woman to have a miscarriage must be unbareable. I tried to think (and it was a little hard since I don't think of being pregnant period) of what it must be like and what I would do. Honestly, I think I would feel like a failure. I would be incredibly sad and don't think I'd want to do much of anything. For anyone who has been through that before, you are stronger than I. And I am sorry you had to go through it.

Now onto Chase and Pamela. I know that he is going to screw up. He's Chase, it seems to be what he does. We can't lose Pamela though. Her character is so important and brings the drama. lol. At the same time though, I don't think that she should have asked him to quit Delta. I'm sure that she probably knew that he was a going to be a career man and although she may not have known he would be in Delta, she did have to realize the time they would be apart. He isn't gone for a year at a time, just days or weeks. She may not know when that will be but I still don't agree with her. I do think that he needs to step up and be there for his family when he is home. He needs to be there for her. She needs to know that he loves her and misses her when he's gone. He needs to be the man he used to be, the one she fell in love with. There are things that shouldn't change and his behavior towards her is one. He shouldn't ignore her. Then he can't come home and promise her everything is fine and will be fine. He can't expect her to believe him after he broke her heart. (So I think that I'm putting a few emotions from my own experiences in here... maybe I shouldn't have written this one.)

If you take the time to think about it, you can associate every couple on army wives with a real one you know. Or at least almost all of them. It's been a night for me, but hey what's new? I have a bunch of these now a days. Lonely days is how I'm referring to them from now on. I think it's time to stop writing before I say something I'll regret. Maybe some ice-cream will make it better.

Graduation

http://www.cmt.com/videos/the-harters/443353/jenny.jhtml

Ok so for starters you have to go watch that video. It's for the song Jenny by The Harters. I'm in love with it for some reason. I don't know if it's the lyrics or the music that I like but either way, it's one of those songs that I listen to over and over again.

So, no I didn't graduate today. I graduated in 2008. BHS class of 2010 graduated today and it made me feel like reminiscing. Two years ago, I graduated from Bentonville High School with honors. I worked my butt off to get that 3.5 GPA, by the way. The funny thing is, I don't remember walking across the stage. I remember standing in line on the ramp to go up and I remember shaking the resource officers hand when I got off of the stage and was walking back to my seat. Haha. I also remember that the guy beside of me gown broke. His zipper wouldn't stay zipped and we had to rig something up with one of my bobby pins. Lol. Next thing I know, it was over. What I had worked toward since kindergarten was over in just a couple of hours. But hey, it was totally worth it. I've been out for 2 years and don't miss high school at all. I miss some of my friends actually, but other than that... nothing.

Eleanor

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Politics and flying

Tonight Zan and I were talking and he mentioned how a bunch of his friends were going to talk to recruiters after school today. I asked which branches and he told me that 4 were going to talk about flying with the Navy and 3 the Marines. Later on we discussed what branches and jobs we would want in the military. I said that I would only join 2 branches (one is because I'm a little biased), the Coast Guard and the Air Force. Zan would only join the Air Force. Of course two of the jobs that he would want to do he wouldn't be able to because his sight is too bad. He'd want to be a pilot, fly an ROA, or be a mechanic on helos. As for me, the only thing I can think that I'd want to do is be a pilot. I've always had an attraction to planes. :) If I couldn't do that I'd be happy with any other one that could potentially land me at the Pentagon. Oh and by the way, the only way I'd join is if I could be an officer.

I guess that it just got me thinking. Are we the only ones that think about this but do nothing about it? Is it normal to think about it but not have the intention to do it? We've had plenty of family in the military. My grandfather was in the Air Force, my uncle and aunt in the Army, another uncle and cousin in the Navy, and a cousin (my age) in the Air Force. There's probably more but at the moment I can't think of them. I guess we need someone to join the Coast Guard and the Marines and we can have had every branch covered at some point in time. :)

Just my little rant for the night I guess. Time to write uncle a letter now and go to sleep.

Until next time.

What Goes Around Comes Around

I'm sitting here on my bed tonight watching David Letterman, when the news breaks in with a severe weather alert. It appears that it doesn't directly affect me so I'm just wishing that it would get back to the show. Russell Brand was cracking me up. Well, they're talking about strong winds and flash flooding. Apparently in Tulsa they are having to water rescue people because the storm drains couldn't keep up with all of the rain. Bet you can't guess what happens next? The storm knocks out the satellite signal. I'm now staring at a black screen with a blue bar that tells me its searching for one. Of course the thunder and lightening have intensified now and I just want the weather back. Karma?? I think so. I was so focused on wanting to watch my show that I didn't think of those that needed to see the weather. Trust me, it won't happen again.

Karma usually does a pretty good job at bringing me back to reality when I get a little conceited or something. I'm a firm believer in her. I've seen enough proof to know that if you just wait long enough she'll get her revenge... what goes around comes around.

Back to the weather though (I'm kinda spacey tonight). I am so sick of the rain! It rained like 6 out of 7 days last week and it's going to be raining 2 this week. I wouldn't mind nearly as much if it were simply a pop up storm or something of that nature. Oh no though, these are all day events. It started raining this morning about 9 or 10. It rained through 4 stopped for a little while and started back about 4:30. Then a while later it stopped for a few hours. Guess what's back?? It looks like it's going to be raining for several more hours tonight and the same type of thing tomorrow. Last week we had to drain water out of the pool because it was way past the point of no return. Plus all of this rain hasn't given the pool a chance to warm up. It got up to 74 yesterday but I'm sure it's below that now.

Until next time.

Poem Attempt

You've done this to me.

You're the reason I'm like this now.

I know you aren't losing sleep over it.

I'm sure you're not even stressed like me.

How can you not be though?

Times have changed.

In my opinion, not for the better.

I'm doing everything I can think of.

I'm trying as hard as I can.

Are you happy now?

I don't what I am.

I want to be happy.

Things apparently can't stay the same though.

And I can't seem to understand why.

Why?

Things aren't always as they seem

Emotions and acts can be easily covered.

I'm not what you say I am.

You don't take the time to know anymore.

Why is that?

Stress Reliever

Sometimes I can exaggerate stuff a lot. I'm great at making a big deal out of something small. A mountain of of a mole hill. I generally don't even pay attention to myself when I'm acting like this. lol. I'm sure that other people do but not me. I've always been this way. I've always been a horrible stresser. I worry about everything. When I was younger I worried about things well beyond my years. I've never liked being a worrier but it's something I've never really been able to change, despite my effort. To me, it's just something that has become a part of my life. When I go back to school in the fall I know that my stress level will only increase. It's no big deal in my opinion. I stress about school, it is something I have literally done forever. My 2nd grade teacher used to tell me my only homework was to go out and play. Otherwise, I would spend hours doing homework that should've only taken 30 minutes.

Trust me, I know that stress isn't healthy. It's hard on the heart and it only makes my OCD worse. So what do I do to distress? Haha, nothing anymore. It used to be karate. I could take out all of my stress with it. When I taught karate I was in the dojo everyday, for at least 2 hours, after school. The dojo closed and I had to find a new way to release my stress. At first, it was finding a really curvy road and just driving. That worked wonders. Too bad it also used a lot of gas and well I don't have the money to cover that one. In college, I tried running. It was ok, in the end though it only caused pain in my knees thanks to my arthritis. So what now? I have no gym membership so working out like that isn't an option. I have no money to cover driving (even if I did I don't think I'd stick with that one). I can't run. What can I do to help rid myself of stress? What's your stress reliever?

I had no idea what to write about tonight. I'm in a pretty good mood but this is just something that has been on my mind for a few weeks now. I thought it was time to get it out and try to figure it out.

Until next time.

TMI

I don't think it rained today! I'm really happy about that. lol.

So I know yesterday I said my posts should no longer be bipolar but I have one more complain/vent one. I really hate being a girl sometimes. I know that certain people/person like that I am, but seriously half my year is spent with crazy hormones. Think about it, one week a girl is PMSing, then it's spent, well we all know how the other week goes. The first week is just as bad as the second in my opinion. I used to be very mean and emotional that week. Thanks to BC now I'm just emotional, but not nearly as bad. Then comes "the week". I have serious problems falling sleeping (worse than usual), my appetite changes, back pains, and so on.

I'm sure that by now you're probably wondering why on earth I'm talking about this somewhat, still, taboo subject... well, because I want to. It's not like it's a secret that females go through this. It's just something most women don't want to talk about, it's private. Sure it is, but don't you ever feel like telling everyone why you're in the mood you're in? Trying to make men understand what's going on? Cursing it? Sure, if something happened and I had to have a hysterectomy and didn't have a period anymore I probably would be sad. Not because I no longer felt like shit each month but for the other things that come from being able to have a period. I don't want kids now, I don't even know if I want them at all yet. But I bet that if I no longer had that option I would do anything to have it back. Plus, then I'd just be bitching about the hot flashes. lol.

I'm 20 years old, I've only been living like this for 5 years now and I'm sick of it. But hey, at least I don't have to worry about the possibility of a little friend adding shape to my pants. lol

Until next time.

Nickelback

So I was driving to drop off an application in Rogers and heard a Nickelback song I didn't recognize. I started freaking out thinking they had a new cd coming out soon. I went home and looked up the song. Apparently it's from a cd in 2000 and I just didn't realize it.
Oh so if anyone loves me and wants to buy my the Theory of a Deadman cd I'd love you forever. lol. I've been in a music mood the last few days.