Don't take this as me just bitching and complaining. I mean I know that it kind of is, but I have my reasons.
I told my boss to work me this weekend. That my family was going out of town and when I'm not working I'll just be sitting around the house doing nothing. She told me she would most def get me the hours. I went in today to check my schedule and I have 15 hours is all. :( Normally, I would be very happy with that just not this weekend. I am able to pick up up to 3 more hours on Monday. It's supposed to be slow though and she already warned me she'll probably send me home early.
If I had more money, I'd be pretty happy with this. I'd just spend the time off going to movies and maybe driving down to Devils Den to hike. I may still go to the movies once and will just have to live with Tanyard Creek Trail. There's a way to compromise. A way to figure out how to still get what you want and be happy. I'm learning how to be like that. I'm trying to see the positive in stuff more. Right now, I still think of the bad first but a little later the good does come to me. :)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Song of the Day
Today's song is...
How You Remind Me by Nickelback
No real reason, I just went to search for a video and decided I wanted a Nickelback one. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cQh1ccqu8M
How You Remind Me by Nickelback
No real reason, I just went to search for a video and decided I wanted a Nickelback one. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cQh1ccqu8M
I Get A Little Bit Stronger
So no, the week didn't go how I had thought it would. Then again though, when does anything ever go how I think it will? Does it make me sad? A little, but it's my own fault. lol I've allowed myself an alloted amount of time to feel this way though. I know that I need to be strong. I need to learn to control my emotions. I need to continue to mature. I can't take a step back from the progress that I've made. If I want this to work then I need to do my part and all I can expect is for him to do his.
We need to continue to work on our communication. We also need to continue to work on our relationship. We can't just sit back and not talk about things. If we continue to do that then we'll never get back to where we were. And that's all I want. I want it to be where we were right before things started getting bad. I was really happy with us then. Where we were and where we were headed. I had great things to look forward to, to plan and research for.
For now, I need to figure out these next few days. I need to figure out how to get used to being at home in the evenings. Not going to see him every night. Not knowing that for once he's just down the road instead of a thousand miles away. It's all about routine. About getting back on a schedule. Knowing that right around 9 I'll get a phone call. Knowing that if I text him after 1 I have more of a chance of getting a response quickly. It's the same as that first week or so when he is underway. It's all about knowing when I'll hear from him, that helps me make it til that time. :)
That all probably sounds really sad and sure, I am sad but it had been 7 months and no matter how much I want to believe it won't be another 7 months, I can't help but think that it will be. I think though it's kind of like when I guy does something to you that hurts you and it takes someone proving that they won't do that to you for you to believe it won't always happen. I know that sounds stupid to compare something as simple as seeing someone to that but unless you've been in my shoes you have no idea how hard it can be and how much you miss that person. There are days when you want nothing more than to be in their arms, it's not everyday but it does happen.
Blogging probably isn't the right place to put all of this. If I don't get it out somewhere though then I know it will just build up and will all come out at once. I'm trying different things to relieve my stress and anxiety. For now, this is what I'm trying.
We need to continue to work on our communication. We also need to continue to work on our relationship. We can't just sit back and not talk about things. If we continue to do that then we'll never get back to where we were. And that's all I want. I want it to be where we were right before things started getting bad. I was really happy with us then. Where we were and where we were headed. I had great things to look forward to, to plan and research for.
For now, I need to figure out these next few days. I need to figure out how to get used to being at home in the evenings. Not going to see him every night. Not knowing that for once he's just down the road instead of a thousand miles away. It's all about routine. About getting back on a schedule. Knowing that right around 9 I'll get a phone call. Knowing that if I text him after 1 I have more of a chance of getting a response quickly. It's the same as that first week or so when he is underway. It's all about knowing when I'll hear from him, that helps me make it til that time. :)
That all probably sounds really sad and sure, I am sad but it had been 7 months and no matter how much I want to believe it won't be another 7 months, I can't help but think that it will be. I think though it's kind of like when I guy does something to you that hurts you and it takes someone proving that they won't do that to you for you to believe it won't always happen. I know that sounds stupid to compare something as simple as seeing someone to that but unless you've been in my shoes you have no idea how hard it can be and how much you miss that person. There are days when you want nothing more than to be in their arms, it's not everyday but it does happen.
Blogging probably isn't the right place to put all of this. If I don't get it out somewhere though then I know it will just build up and will all come out at once. I'm trying different things to relieve my stress and anxiety. For now, this is what I'm trying.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Song of the Day
Today's song of the day is...
True Blood Theme Song - Jace Everett
Jeff has officially gotten me addicted to True Blood. He's getting me season 2 tonight and I'm really excited! I just finished up season 1 a couple of hours ago. SO GOOD!
True Blood Theme Song - Jace Everett
Jeff has officially gotten me addicted to True Blood. He's getting me season 2 tonight and I'm really excited! I just finished up season 1 a couple of hours ago. SO GOOD!
Progress
Well, it has been a great 10 days. I'm just sad that it's pretty much over. Even though it didn't go how I thought it would, I'm still really happy and feel good. It's been 10 days of little sleep, traveling back and forth between his house, waiting to see him, and lots of great memories. I really hope that we are able to work things out in the morning and I get to take him to the airport tomorrow.
I got upset tonight when I found out we had some miscommunication and someone else is taking him. I shouldn't have gotten upset, but I did. At least I realized afterward that it was stupid and that I overreacted. I personally think that's a step in the right direction. Before I would have just come inside and still been sad and upset. Tonight I was just mad I had let myself get that way. Baby steps, but at least they are in the right direction. It's hard to correct 20 years of overreacting overnight. It's taking time and I just hope I can keep it up and maybe move forward at a faster pace. Progress. :)
I got upset tonight when I found out we had some miscommunication and someone else is taking him. I shouldn't have gotten upset, but I did. At least I realized afterward that it was stupid and that I overreacted. I personally think that's a step in the right direction. Before I would have just come inside and still been sad and upset. Tonight I was just mad I had let myself get that way. Baby steps, but at least they are in the right direction. It's hard to correct 20 years of overreacting overnight. It's taking time and I just hope I can keep it up and maybe move forward at a faster pace. Progress. :)
Friday, August 27, 2010
Bored
I'm really bored right now. I'm watching True Blood (2 episodes left til done with season 1). My iPod is syncing. No one is on facebook. Mom isn't home with dinner yet. lol. I haven't had downtime like this all week. I don't know what to do about it. lol. :) I probably should have napped or something. Oh well.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Song of the Day
Todays song is...
Why Wait by Rascal Flatts
I heard it for the first time the other day. It's the first single off of their new album which is going to be released sometime this year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSmlc4PtgoY
Why Wait by Rascal Flatts
I heard it for the first time the other day. It's the first single off of their new album which is going to be released sometime this year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSmlc4PtgoY
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Song of the Day
It's been a while since I did a song of the day.
My Heart by Paramore
Some of the scenes in this video aren't from New Moon. I know I've seen the movie before though, I think it's one where she lives on a farm and crows take over. lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phpijKTjIy0
My Heart by Paramore
Some of the scenes in this video aren't from New Moon. I know I've seen the movie before though, I think it's one where she lives on a farm and crows take over. lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phpijKTjIy0
Tell Them
I'm sure that by now everyone has figured out that movies, shows, and songs really get me thinking. (by the way I'm writing this on my phone so please excuse errors). Well, tonight I watched The Last Song. Honestly it kind of bored me the first half. I was glad I had only rented it. As it went on though it improved. Until the end that is. When it made me want to cry. I didn't though, instead I started thinking about losing someone you loved. It doesn't have to be a parent, or even a relative, just someone you would do anything for.
Then I started thinking about losing someone before they knew how you really felt about them.
So tell them everyday how you feel. Scream "I love you" from the top of your lungs if you have to. So don't be afraid and quit waiting for the perfect moment that may never come. Get out there and tell them. I will if you do!
Then I started thinking about losing someone before they knew how you really felt about them.
So tell them everyday how you feel. Scream "I love you" from the top of your lungs if you have to. So don't be afraid and quit waiting for the perfect moment that may never come. Get out there and tell them. I will if you do!
Keeping Up
I haven't been doing well this week with keeping up with my blog. A fair warning, I won't do well next week either.
Hang in there though, after that it should get back to normal pretty much.
Hang in there though, after that it should get back to normal pretty much.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Emotions
Being emotional sucks. I haven't been like this in quite a while. Now I realize how stupid and annoying I must have been. Today, it's just been one emotion after another. I woke up in a great mood. After work I was just bitchy and snapping at everyone. As the evening went on my mood improved. Then I was in a lovey mood. And finally, I was sad and crying... excuse me, my eyes were getting rid of the extra water I drank today. lol. Part of the sadness was because I realized I won't get to see Jeff as much as I'd like, but that's not really worth crying over. I'm just estatic that after 6 months I finally get to see him. That's the most important thing.
Mom says I'm still getting used to the BC and it takes time. I guess that once again I'll blame today on that.
Mom says I'm still getting used to the BC and it takes time. I guess that once again I'll blame today on that.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Pop Rocks
So I decided to eat pop rocks with a sucker at 11 at night. When I'm still up at 2, someone smack some sense into me.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Rules
I'm kind of mad at myself right now. I realized tonight that I had let myself get my hopes up for Jeff coming home. Sure he will eventually but there is a possibility that it won't happen when originally planned. When I found that out, I got slightly upset. I quickly realized I had broken one of my new rules and am just mad at myself now. I suck at this stuff. lol
Oh and so I'm sick and wasn't feeling well earlier. I was really tired and decided to take a nap... at 4 in the afternoon. Now, I'm not tired. :(
Oh and so I'm sick and wasn't feeling well earlier. I was really tired and decided to take a nap... at 4 in the afternoon. Now, I'm not tired. :(
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
You
You make me so happy sometimes. I just needed to say that. You really do make up for all of those sad times. :) You also make it hard for me not to tell you how I'm starting to feel again. It's ok though because it looks like I will soon.
Branson Bound
I'm taking Zan school shopping up in Branson today. This could possibly end badly for my bank account. I'm looking for new tennis shoes and a couple new shirts. Hopefully we make it to the landing so I can get some frozen yogurt. I'm obsessed with the stuff now. lol.
Zan just needs to hurry and get ready now so we can make chikfila breakfast. It's the best way to start and trip to Branson, just saying. :)
Have a great day everyone! Be safe!
Zan just needs to hurry and get ready now so we can make chikfila breakfast. It's the best way to start and trip to Branson, just saying. :)
Have a great day everyone! Be safe!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Song of the Day
Todays song of the day is...
Chicken and Biscuts by Colt Ford
I love this song but the video made it one I think everyone should see... especially if you are a Twilight fan.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DF108IhXi_A
Chicken and Biscuts by Colt Ford
I love this song but the video made it one I think everyone should see... especially if you are a Twilight fan.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DF108IhXi_A
Blonde?
Boy am I sleepy. I'm glad I have the next 2 days off. I can relax and catch up on sleep. At least tomorrow anyway. I may take Zan to Branson on Tuesday to go school shopping.
We had ice cream for dinner tonight. That NEVER happens. It was great! I'm hungry for real food now but I can easily find something here in a bit. The only downside to the ice cream is that I really don't want to start P90x tonight. The ice cream already didn't settle well on my stomach and I can't imagine working out and getting really hot ontop of that. So it looks like I'm putting it off one more day.
Army Wives comes on tonight! It's the last episode of the season I think. It's a sad, sad day. Hopefully it doesn't make me cry because it hasn't in a while. I'm sure it will make me think though.
For a moment today I seriously wondered what I would look like as a blonde. This is what happens when I decide to let my hair grow out and not cut it. I'm dying to do something different to it. I added highlights and bangs back in April and May and that's held me over til now. Suggestions??
We had ice cream for dinner tonight. That NEVER happens. It was great! I'm hungry for real food now but I can easily find something here in a bit. The only downside to the ice cream is that I really don't want to start P90x tonight. The ice cream already didn't settle well on my stomach and I can't imagine working out and getting really hot ontop of that. So it looks like I'm putting it off one more day.
Army Wives comes on tonight! It's the last episode of the season I think. It's a sad, sad day. Hopefully it doesn't make me cry because it hasn't in a while. I'm sure it will make me think though.
For a moment today I seriously wondered what I would look like as a blonde. This is what happens when I decide to let my hair grow out and not cut it. I'm dying to do something different to it. I added highlights and bangs back in April and May and that's held me over til now. Suggestions??
Friday, August 6, 2010
Hopes
This whole "not letting myself get my hopes up" thing is really hard. I actually had done really well until just recently. Maybe it's because it seems more real now, more possible. All I know is that in the last few months I've learned that I shouldn't get my hopes up. Then it's far less hurtful and disappointing when the thing doesn't happen.
What would you do? Would you get excited for something before you knew it was going to happen and deal with the possible disappointment that may follow? Or would you just not get your hopes up? Is it bad that I feel this way or just a stage I'm going through?
I kinda think it's a stage. I had so much stuff not end up happening for a while that I think it just put me in a rut. I just need some plans to not fall through so that I can get back to getting excited for stuff I should be excited for.
What would you do? Would you get excited for something before you knew it was going to happen and deal with the possible disappointment that may follow? Or would you just not get your hopes up? Is it bad that I feel this way or just a stage I'm going through?
I kinda think it's a stage. I had so much stuff not end up happening for a while that I think it just put me in a rut. I just need some plans to not fall through so that I can get back to getting excited for stuff I should be excited for.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Song of the Day
The song of the day today is...
Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri
I heard it on the radio the other day and stumbled across it again on iTunes tonight.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HH7WXlf9WLk
Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri
I heard it on the radio the other day and stumbled across it again on iTunes tonight.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HH7WXlf9WLk
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Don't Change
Three days ago I started taking my birth control again. I'd been off of it for about 2 months. So, I'm having to start all over. I've had a headache for 3 days. I'm eating a ton of everything. Today, I'm easily annoyed and in a really lovey mood.
At the same time I'm in the best mood. I've had a great past few days. Nothing could bring me down right now. I just hope that it stays this way. I hope that things don't change again. I guess there's only one way to find out though. :) It's been 6 months today since I last him. It's been a rough time and I hope that I don't have to go much longer. I also hope that we don't have to go this long again. He's my best friend and I miss him.
At the same time I'm in the best mood. I've had a great past few days. Nothing could bring me down right now. I just hope that it stays this way. I hope that things don't change again. I guess there's only one way to find out though. :) It's been 6 months today since I last him. It's been a rough time and I hope that I don't have to go much longer. I also hope that we don't have to go this long again. He's my best friend and I miss him.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Song of the Day
Today's song is...
I Need You by Saving Abel
I stumbled across it while looking for some new music. I like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecMo_HkO2OM
I Need You by Saving Abel
I stumbled across it while looking for some new music. I like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecMo_HkO2OM
Monday, August 2, 2010
Things I Should Have Said
I hope I don't screw this up too much. It needs to be said though. It's just figuring out the right time to say and getting the guts to do so.
It's been a great day today. I had a great night last night. Tomorrow (with the exception of work and the temperature) is going to be a great day. Let's keep this trend going.
It's been a great day today. I had a great night last night. Tomorrow (with the exception of work and the temperature) is going to be a great day. Let's keep this trend going.
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