Talk to Me

I'm very proud of myself at the moment. I made a goal and gosh darn it if I'm not sticking to it (thus far). It is really hard and I am really stressed right now. Ok, so not really stressed. Just a normal amount for me. I was really stressed earlier when I thought I was going to get in trouble for work. That's another story though and I'm not getting into that. Haha all I'd do is bitch about someone I work with and that's no fun for anyone else.
So in my mind, today went a lot differently than it actually did. Although that happens a lot with me.
My sunburn still hurts... very bad. It hurts worse now than this morning and I have no idea how I'm going to wear a bra the 6 hours I'm at work tomorrow. If only I had a strapless one that actually stayed up. TMI I know. I'm praying for a slow day tomorrow. We close at 4 but luckily I'm only there til 2. It's been really busy the last few days, but last week our Sunday rush didn't really come til 1ish and lasted til 4ish. We are having a company picnic tomorrow but I'm not going. No one, except my manager, from my store is going and I don't really feel like swimming.
I got my board shorts today! Super excited about that. I wore my white ones today actually :) Sadly the black ones don't have a pocket but the super cool Fox graphic makes up for that.
Oh my they way... I'm sunburned in my head too. Lol. So in a week when it's peeling I swear its not really bad dandruff. :)
Talk to Me!!

Song of the Day

This song just I guess is kind of how I'm feeling today. Sometimes a song says it all.
I love Nickelback and a lot of their songs have great lyrics. So when you can't say it out loud, be it you don't want or you're scared to, let a song speak for you. :)

Nickelback - Far Away
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4y-RzVGrHg

Sunburned!

Yesterday I had a good friend over I had not seen since I graduated. She is moving soon and I wanted to hang out one last time so she came over to go swimming. We had a great time in the pool relaxing and catching up. 3 hours later and no sunscreen though, we had one VERY sunburned Samantha. I look like a lobster and am starting to get blisters on my shoulders. I am; however, keeping complaining to a minimum. It is 100% my fault. My solution... to laugh and joke about it as much as possible.
Zan asked me whats for dinner at red lobster last night and I said me.
I've told my mom multiple times to come rub lotion and gel all over my naked top half. lol
I'm in an incredibly cute dress trying to distract the eye from the redness.
and so on.
So sure, I'm in a lot of pain and it hurts to wear a strapless top because of my chest and it hurts to wear a bra because of my shoulders. Guess I'll just have to go topless. :)

Let this be a lesson to everyone... don't think you won't get burnt just because you've gotten tan. Put something on, even if it's just spf 15 (what I usually wear). You don't want to feel like I do right now. Trust me!

Chase Commercial

12:06 A.M. hmm... I don't know what to say. It's been a long day, even though I didn't do much. I went to work for 3 hours then to the movies with Zan. I guess it's just because I haven't been sleeping well. It's no big deal though. Hopefully tonight I sleep better. I'm thinking of taking a Melatonin and Valerian Root. The two usually knock me out and keep me out. Worse happens is I fall asleep on a raft in the pool tomorrow. Oh darn, that would be a shame. lol
So I just saw a Chase commercial. Um, wow! I can garuantee you that if I had just gotten married, I would not be sitting in the bed in my dress still and taking pictures of checks with my phone to deposit them then. Just sayin. Priorities!! lol
Haha. Night everyone.

Song of the Day

Today's song is...

Dragonfly by Shaman's Harvest
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4sQfHD_b_E

Sleepy Work

I can't sleep. I actually haven't tried to yet but that's beside the point. I think my neighbors are having a hump day party (not the reason I'm still up). I just want to say awesome! lol. You know those days when you just don't want to go to work? I can already feel that tomorrow is going to be one of those days. I don't really know why. I'm only working 3 hours, I'm just dreading it for some reason. Everyone has those days though.
I really do need to sleep. I haven't slept well in a while and it's starting to get to me. Not to the point where I'm emotional because of it but to the point where I have a stupid headache because of it. :( Eventually though right? haha. Sleep when I'm dead.
As for now, I'll keep watching this episode of South Park. Then it's off to try to sleep for me. I've got work from 10-1 tomorrow. Then off to the movies with Zan.

Song of the Day

Today's song is...
Stuck Like Glue by Sugarland

Watch them perform it here!
http://www.stucklikeglue.com/

M&MSkittle

I AM ME

So I was thinking today that I should write less about my incredibly complicated love life. After thinking more though, I realized that it's better that I get it out here than hold it all inside and be a stressed, nervous wreck. So I say Fuck It. This is my blog and I am going to write about whatever is on my mind. I don't care if it's love, hate, crude jokes, or pictures. :)
Anyone able to tell my mood tonight? lol. Actually, I'm in a great mood. I'm just not taking any shit right now. Not even from myself. :) I'm sick of others telling me what to do or what they think about me and my business. I believe them, I let them get in my head. Then I question myself. I question those around me. I question my friends, my family, and my love. Nobody can make me feel inferior anymore. Nobody can act like they know what's best for me. I am ME. I know what is best for me.

Always Waiting

Why do I keep doing this?

I'm always up waiting.
Waiting for things to change.
Waiting for things to go back to how they were.
Waiting for a call, a text, an email.

I just keep waiting.
I can't even imagine what people think.
They wonder why I wait?
Why I put up with it all?

It's easy to explain.
But at the same time, no one will ever understand.
It's a never-ending love.
And I'll just keep waiting.

You can ignore me.
You can not text, call, or email.
You can treat me like shit.
And you can walk away.

No matter what...
I'll always be waiting.
I love you no matter how much it hurts.
I'll stick with you through the rain.

I love you even though I don't say it anymore.
I only hope that you can love me still too.

Bashing the Coast Guard

So I had to stop watching CNN tonight because there was a guy bashing the Coast Guard on it. That probably sounds stupid but honestly it's been one of those nights. I don't really want to think about the Coast Guard, CNN, or anything of that nature.
Actually, I don't really know what all is up. I just know I'm a little mad right now. I'm refraining from putting to much because well... I'm working on not saying stuff I'll regret the next morning. So far it's working out for me, in case you were wondering. :)
I think I'll probably write again before bed. Until then though...

Hmm...

Why do I let you make me feel this way??

A Little Bit Stronger

The song that's been stuck in my head all day today.
Sara Evans- A Little Bit Stronger

http://pulsemusic.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=country&action=display&thread=97625&page=1

Female Brain

I think the chocolate needs to be smaller and shiny things bigger... at least for me. :)

Crossroads

Well, I've had a good few past days. Hopefully the trend continues. :) Today I've been a bit of a fatty though. Lol bagel bites for lunch, doritos for a snack when I got off, followed by some skittles and dr. pepper. Now I have a junk food high and a belly ache. Lol
Alright everyone. I'm at a crossroads. Saving Abel is playing at georges majestic lounge on Tuesday. I can't decide to go or not. I'd probably go by myself, which is no big deal since I'm guessing there will be a lot of people there. I just can't decide to go or not. Ive seen them before but it's been two(ish) years. I didn't know much of their music then unlike now. So... What to do?
I guess it's time for me to start dinner. Actually, I have to still figure out what to make.

This is Me

Hello all!
It's been a good past few days. I've made a couple of decisions for myself and I hope that I stick to what I've decided. I may be writing here a lot more though. lol. I'll have to do something when I have the urge to write. I have a lot of decisions that I still need to make. The good news is that there is not a huge rush. Things need to just come to me and I need to stop trying to force decisions to be made.
I know what I want and I'm going for it. I will not give up, that is not me. I forgot who I was for a while, but I am back. I am someone who does not give up. I shoot for the stars, the best of the best, and I do whatever it takes to achieve it.
I have to open in the morning... hello 6 a.m. I'm going to try to head to bed now. Goodnight everyone.

Stuck on a Plateau

I should have known that I wouldn't be able to sleep after that call. There's nothing surprising there. How else should I feel though? I'm over joyed by the fact that I got a call and one that lasted just under an hour. I'm estatic to be quite honest.
At the same time though, I'm kind of down now. Yes, it does happen everytime when we're in this situation but it doesn't get easier. How could it? Not knowing when I'll get another call, not knowing what you're thinking after the call... I hate the unknown in case you couldn't tell. Luckily, I'm pretty sure the majority of people are that way. I'm trying to be more of an optimistic person. I had really thought I was doing good with it, until tonight. Maybe it's just that I'm tired and well, I don't do well emotionally when I'm tired. That's something I can't seem to change no matter how much I want to.
Back on subject though. I just don't feel like that phone conversation accomplished a single thing and I don't like that. I want to be able to say that we're moving forward and not feel like we're stuck on a plateau. I'm getting the feeling though, that that may just be me. I think he's content on the plateau. I guess we'll see eventually though.
Until Next Time

Song in my Head

So this is the song that's been stuck in my head all day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZQaxehjvtI

Somebody Help Me

Why do I feel this way? Why is it that I have tried my hardest not to get attached yet but have failed? I just want to know that everything is alright and that things are at least the same as they were a couple of days ago.
Somebody help me. lol

Permission

Picture

One Day

One day, we'll all know what to do.
One day, we won't regret what we've done.
One day, we'll live our lives.
One day, we'll fall in love.
One day, we'll start a family.
One day, we will smile without cause.
One day, we'll all be happy.

Why not start that one day today?

Distance is a Bitch

You know those days when everything just makes you feel kind of lonely and no matter what station the radio is on or what channel the tv is on there is something about love, or a couple, or something. Ya, today was one of those days for me. A bunch of couples came into work, we had country music playing at work, lots on the tv has been about couples, and even freaking facebook liked to make sure I remembered my relationship status.
I know I said I wouldn't complain as much on here but I'm just kind of sad tonight and I think it's one of those times where once I get it all out, I'll feel much better. So I think that my main thing for the day is distance. Distance is a fucking bitch. No matter what, I'm going to feel alone. I did a year in a long distance relationship. A relationship where I got to see him maybe every 3 months. At the time, it didn't seem like a horrible thing. It still doesn't because I know that if it's something I've done before I could easily do it again. The thing is that most days I would have given anything to be able to see him. All I had were a some old pictures from the last time we'd been together, a couple of pictures on my phone, and those on facebook.
I hope that tomorrow is a better day. Today wasn't bad at all, I just couldn't get that out of my head. It's annoying enough when it's a song in my head, but to have a conversation with myself over and over... ya, annoying.
Oh and I'd like to make a plea to the air conditioner gods... PLEASE FIX OUR AC AT WORK FOR GOOD!!

Work for What You Love

I finally saw Eclipse today. While I was watching it though I couldn't help but think about what I'm about to write.
Women and girls have unrealistic expectations about men and relationships. We all want the perfect man. The man that television and movies have made us believe is out there and we just have to find him. That's the catch though, the guy that we see in the movies and the man that is perfect for us are two seperate men. What do we do though? We compare every man that want to have or have a relationship with, to our "perfect" movie man. We can't do that though. We're never going to find that Edward or Mr. Darcy because they're fictional. What we can find is the guy that is right for us. Our other half.
We aren't going to wake up one morning to a man on one knee proposing (Valentine's Day). What we can have is something that is just as great but not out of a movie scene. And that's ok. It's a great thing because it's your story to tell not one to compare to a movie. That's not how a lot of women think though. As a gender, we've grown up with prince charmings and knights in shining armor. The man that takes your breath away every time he speaks or walks into a room. The guy that knows EXACTLY what he is going to say when he is down on that knee and he doesn't stumble or get nervous at all. Secretly, that's what I want. Why shouldn't he be nervous and forget everything he had planned on saying? Why does he have to be that "perfect" movie man?
He doesn't. We need to stop wasting our time looking for the man that doesn't exist and realize how perfect the one in front of us really is. I realize that no one is truly perfect, trust me, but I think that there truly is a match for everyone. Some people have to search for him, but others he's her high school sweetheart. The guy she went to prom with and her best friend for years.
We have such a high divorce rate because we take the easy way out of our problems. We dont' try to work things out like we should. It's so easy to get a divorce. So instead of finding out what the root of your problems are, you just call it quits. That isn't right. It's the same with other relationships too. There is no real commitment there so there isn't really the incentive to work it out. To work through a few problems and find out that you really are meant to be together. Everyone has fights and issues. I think that over time those fights become less frequent. You just have to be willing to climb the mountain to get to the top. To see the sun and to get to start the hike down... together.
I don't want to be the type of person that just gives up anymore. I don't want to go crazy over a fictional character. I want a real relationship, with real problems. I want someone who is willing to work through those problems with me. I want someone to take my breath away at the right moments and not all of the time. I want someone who is just as scared as I about taking that next step, but is still willing to do it. I want my high school sweetheart and my best friend. I want to start climbing that mountain so that I can spend the rest of my life enjoying the view and hike down. I know who I want and he is not a fictional character. It just took a fictional character to make me realize all of this. To realize that I am not giving up and that I am willing to fight for what I believe in.
We can't have what doesn't exist, but we can't have what does exist as long as we are looking for that which doesn't exist. So never give up on love. Never think that he isn't out there. Instead think about what you really want and think if it is something that you truly want or something that television has made you think that you want. I want the problems and things to work through and every woman should be willing to work for what they want.

Army Wives (Spoilers) and Thinking

So by now, everyone knows that Army Wives always seems to relate to me and it makes me think. So far (and we're only 24 minutes into the episode), it doesn't relate to me. haha, it's about freaking time. lol It has made me think though. Please don't take anything I say as me being against the military or anything like that. That'd be 100% false.
Have you ever thought how the child who has a parent(s) in the military has been affected? They have to deal with a parent being gone for months at a time. When they are older they start worry about their parent not coming home. It's everywhere now. News of someone else dying overseas. There isn't a way to keep it from childrens eyes. Some of these kids mature faster than they need to. It's not the parents fault but the fact that they feel like they need to fill the spot of their parent for other siblings and/or other parents. Honestly, what can one do about it? What do you do about the fact that you're essentially a single parent for X months?
Haha, I don't even know why I'm thinking of this. There is plenty of other stuff I could talk about that's actually about me. I mean hell I'm not married to a military man, I have no kids. I guess it's just one of those things though. I guess it's not much different than talking about how it affects the person's spouse. They have to deal with being alone for that amount of time. The difference there is that they most likely had an idea as to what they were getting when they said 'I do.' A kid doesn't get to choose their family.
An adult can take care of themselves. You can keep yourself busy when you know it's a bad day. As an adult you're more aware of what needs to be done. Plus, you can count a lot higher and count down the days until your love one is home and safe.
To all military families out there, stay strong. I admire you for what you have to go through daily.

What A Day!

So, today was the first day I'd ever worked more than 8 hours at a job. I worked 9 hours today. My morning started out horrible. The AC is still broken. Which caused the bread in the retarder to proof way too much. I had to throw away over 60 uncooked loaves of bread today. I didn't know what to do about that at first though (with that much wasted bread I wanted to get my manager's approval first). She was camping at the lake though and I had a time trying to get ahold of her. Then, I had 46 loaves to start my day with is all. I got more out of the freezer but I had to wait for it to get ready. That made me a nervous wreck. I had 2 party trays I had to make first thing. That took up time I needed to prep veggies and meats. It was a good experience though because I had never done one on my own before. Hope I did it right. lol. Oh and the ice machine was broke so I had to make 2 trips to the Promenade Subway for ice.
Eventually my day got a little better. I mean the bad stuff stopped happening at least. lol. I was determined not to let it get worse though. Thankfully, it got to the point where the only bad thing was the heat. When I had last checked (about 2:30) our lobby was 85 degrees and the prep area felt a lot hotter than the lobby. Not much I could do about that though.
Well, now that I have some dinner and cold vitamin water in me I'm feeling a lot better. Off to do some laundry and maybe go swim. Army Wives later!!

Porn Star Dancing

This is my song of the day. I've been trying to remember it since I heard it on my way to work earlier this week. It popped back in my head today and I bought it. Ever since I've just been playing it every once in a while.

My Darkest Days feat. Chad Kroeger, Ludacris, and Zakk Wylde - Porn Star Dancing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdaKwt5cHEk

Baffled by Laundry

I somewhat cleaned my room finally today. What I really need to do is laundry. It baffles me how I wash darks (because of my work clothes) every other day but yet I have so much else to wash. Zan beat me to the washing machine though so it's just going to have to wait a bit.
My day wasn't very exciting to be honest. I got up and watched Good Morning America. Then I decided to just be lazy until I had to go to work. I worked for 2.18 hours. They finally fixed our AC today. Too bad the ice machine they fixed yesterday broke again today though. I came home from work and decided to work out some. It felt good to. It's been a while since I had a good workout and even though todays was short, it was much needed. I felt it in my legs at the time but they don't hurt now... guess I didn't do it long enough. lol. I was going to swim afterwards but another storm popped up so I decided to watch New Moon instead. :) Mom and dad went to JJ's Grill after work so Zan and I went to Long John Silver's. As always, it was delicious. Then onto Walmart and finally home. I cleaned my room up (some) and here we are.
Tomorrow should be a more exciting day. Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight. Then I won't be such a downer. I'm in a good mood and am happy but nothing has seemed to come across that way today. The only things I can think of to explain it would be a lack of sleep (which is really just a lack of a good deep sleep) or hormones. Either one kind of sucks to be honest. lol.
Until Next Time.

Payday

I'm not tired yet but am forcing myself to go to bed. I have to open in the morning and after staying up so late last night I'm sure it will be hard to get up. I've got work til 2. Almost 8 hours, that was supposed to only be 3. But hey, ITS PAYDAY!! Always an upside of some sort. Just have to find it. :)
I'm about to take a melatonin and hopefully pass out soon. Goodnight all. Sweet dreams and don't let the bed bugs bite.

A Change is Brewing

So, yes it is almost 2 am and I am writing on here. I'm currently emailing Jeff some and it got me thinking. One of the main reasons I started this blog was to get all of my thoughts out. A lot of my blogs are just bitch fests or complete downers. I thought that it made me feel better and honestly just getting some of the stuff out does. Not anymore though. Now I realize just how much I complain about shit. Yes, it is generally purely shit, non relevant in anyway. It's stuff that I can, most of the time, control. Well, my goal for the next week is to cut these type of blogs by half or more. Then to cut them by half once again the following week. Even when there is something that upsets me or makes me angry, there are better ways to put it. I'm going to figure out those better ways and work on applying them. Wish me luck!

What Guys Mean...

Somewhat back

Hello blog world.
All of my visiting family is gone. Tomorrow I may finally get some time to actually be by myself. It's been 2 weeks since I've had that. I've loved seeing all of my family but I really like time to myself at times. It's been an interesting 2 weeks. Between vacation, work, friends, and working on my relationship; I have not been bored. I also have not had a lot of time to write.
I'm watching she's out of my league and trying to think of something to email jeff about.

Fireworks and BBQ

I'm so happy. You honestly have no idea. I can't share why but I just wanted everyone to know what good of a mood I'm in.
My 4th of July was a pretty good one. Personally, I'm more of a fan of how my 2nd went. lol
Anyway, we cooked a ton of food. I ate the brisket, yes it was beef and I ate it. The chicken was soooo good too. And we let off a bunch of fireworks.
One of these days I'll write when I have more time. For now I'm sleepy and have to work tomorrow.

:)

What a great day.
I woke up sad and missing a certain someone. Then as the day went on I got a big surprise. I love when I get surprises like this one. The kind that make staying up til 3 last night all worth it.
I love how I'm being so vague. I really don't have to be, I just am.

Life Lessons

Life without you sucks but I'm learning so much. I'm growing up and I'm being myself. It's not easy but I'm doing it. There are a lot of bad men out there. None are like you. Most of them truly only want one thing. I don't. I've learned to put others first. I'm learning what it is to be an adult. I've missed you like there's no tomorrow. I love when we get to text or talk. It is still the highlight of my day.
I pray. I pray that it all works out in the end. Until then though, I wait.