I have decided to switch and start a tumblr account. Thus this will be my last post on blogspot. If you'd like to keep following my blog then it is
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Tumblr
I'm thinking about switching to tumblr. It seems that it is the better blog honestly. They have an app for my phone and my bestows are both on there :P
I'll let you know for sure later though.
I'll let you know for sure later though.
75 Lessons That Must Be Learned In A Relationship
MIA CARMEL
is thinking +
75 Lessons that MUST be Learned in Relationships
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Don't force an attraction.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
Always put yourself and your happiness first.
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.
Be honest and upfront.
Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.
Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).
If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).
There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.
You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself -- double-standard.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!
Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go.
Actions speak louder than words.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.
To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.
Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the No.1 person in your life.
Love is a verb ...
Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.
You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complementary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
Never become your man's "therapist".
When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it - but it takes two to make it work.
Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn't do for you.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.
Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure him to spend time with you, You cant force a man to hang out with you.
If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
Never move into his mother's house.
Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.
Never co-sign for a man.
Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.
Never let a man mess up your credit.
When it's time to let go; let go.
Good men should be treated like good men.
Don't play games.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.
Never date a guy who wears color contact lens.
is thinking +
75 Lessons that MUST be Learned in Relationships
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Don't force an attraction.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
Always put yourself and your happiness first.
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.
Be honest and upfront.
Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.
Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).
If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).
There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.
You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself -- double-standard.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!
Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go.
Actions speak louder than words.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.
To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.
Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the No.1 person in your life.
Love is a verb ...
Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.
You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complementary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
Never become your man's "therapist".
When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it - but it takes two to make it work.
Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn't do for you.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.
Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure him to spend time with you, You cant force a man to hang out with you.
If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
Never move into his mother's house.
Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.
Never co-sign for a man.
Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.
Never let a man mess up your credit.
When it's time to let go; let go.
Good men should be treated like good men.
Don't play games.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.
Never date a guy who wears color contact lens.
Screw Up
Im the master at screwing stuff up. Why can't I just leave my mouth shut? Hopefully it's just my imagination.
Winter Break
It's finally Christmas break for me. Of course, tomorrow won't feel like it. I have to be at work at from 8-2. No plans after though so someone should make me some. :) I promise to start blogging regularly again now that I'll have the time. For now, it's time to sleep so I'm not a grouch at work in the morning. Goodnight all!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Ready For Rest
It's been an interesting past few days. I'm exhausted and just ready for the semester to be over so I can sleep in and catch up on rest.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Tarot Card
So, my tarot card for today was pretty accurate. You definitely want to stay away from me today. I don't know if it's because I'm sick, pmsing, or just at my wits end but I can't do it anymore. I'm so sick of being lonely. I want someone who will be there for me. Who will at least answer my texts when we can't be together. I'm so sick of getting my hopes up or start thinking that things are going good for it to all just come to a halt. So here it is... I done with all you losers who don't treat girls right. I've been burned too many times to put up with anymore of your bullshit! I want a real man. A guy who I'm not going to have to worry about cheating, falling in love with someone prettier, or just up and leaving without a reason. A guy who treats me like the princess that I am, a guy who calls me beautiful and puts me first.
So if you're out there, don't be afraid to step up because I'm waiting.
So if you're out there, don't be afraid to step up because I'm waiting.
Are You Going to Kiss Me or Not
Let me tell you. When I got in the car this morning, country songs about love found and love lost were the last type of songs I was wanting to hear. I'm feeling pretty lonely today and didn't want music to remind me of that. However, when I heard this song I couldn't really change the channel. There was something about it, like it was saying something that I've wanted to say many times.
Are You Going to Kiss Me or Not by Thompson Square
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRJAV4YF1cI
Are You Going to Kiss Me or Not by Thompson Square
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRJAV4YF1cI
This Week
I've had a great past few days. I've been hanging with friends in the evening and although it sucks that we can't seem to all get together at once I've a blast. I've had great food. A blast with true friends. I've made a fool of myself. I've probably ruined a good thing somehow. But hey, I guess you only live once. At least that's what Emily reminded me that I told her a few months ago. You can't be afraid and you can't hold onto the past. The best thing to do is to put yourself out there. Your whole self. Sure you leave yourself wide open for disappointment, heartache, and everything else but if you don't put your whole self out there then how will you ever find what you're truly looking for? So, I guess I need to follow my own advice for now.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
It's A Bit Cold Out
Winter is upon us. It didn't get above 40 today :( I don't mind too much because winter means snow. The part I do mind is that it was in the 60s when we got back home on Sunday and yesterday was warm too. Now it's not. I was spoiled last week by my grandparents incredibly warm stove. Now I'm back to my 68 degree house and have cold hands and feet. Anyone want to cuddle?
Nerves
Sometimes, I wonder why I get so nervous around guys. It even happens with guys I've known for a bit. Put me in a room with just me and him though and I start to say stupid stuff or nothing at all. I'm sure that probably changes guys opinions on me. Just hang with me for a bit though... It gets better. Lol.
It's a crazy busy week so I prob won't post much.
It's a crazy busy week so I prob won't post much.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Beautiful Virginia
Good morning!
I'm in Virginia now. We got here yesterday evening. Honestly I'm sick of being in a car but we rarely do this anymore so I'm making the best of it. The views of the country side alone make it worth it. Oh how I've missed the east coast. Back home we don't have anything that is as old as what we have here. For example, Culpeper court was founded in the late 1700's. I wish we were here longer so I would have the chance to visit some of my favorite battlefields and scenic views. Not to worry though, just the views overlooking the field and woods will tide me over for now. I'll post a pic when I get back home.
I'm in Virginia now. We got here yesterday evening. Honestly I'm sick of being in a car but we rarely do this anymore so I'm making the best of it. The views of the country side alone make it worth it. Oh how I've missed the east coast. Back home we don't have anything that is as old as what we have here. For example, Culpeper court was founded in the late 1700's. I wish we were here longer so I would have the chance to visit some of my favorite battlefields and scenic views. Not to worry though, just the views overlooking the field and woods will tide me over for now. I'll post a pic when I get back home.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
An Adventure
It's Saturday morning and we're currently resting in the truck at a rest area. The fog is getting thicker and everyone is sleeping but me. I've always had a hard time sleeping in a car but cram me in the back seat and stop the truck and there is no way I'm even trying. My legs are asleep and my butt is numb but once we start going again we only have about 2 hours left. We didn't stop for the night in St. Louis. We did have an adventure though. About 100 miles into the trip the drivers side tire on the car dolley blew out. And I mean it blew out. Hey guess what... The spare was flat. We unhitched the dolley and went off to find some air. Then we had to back track almost 10 miles to finally get to a ramp to turn back around. We get back to the car and dad can't get it up enough to get the jack under it. So we had to hitch it back up and go from there. The whole ordeal set us back about 2 hours and left us with no spare tire.
Thankfully we were all able to joke about it all later in the night.
Oh and guess what... I even drove the truck pulling the dolley and car at some point on this trip. :) Just another thing I can add to my driving accomplishments. Lol
Thankfully we were all able to joke about it all later in the night.
Oh and guess what... I even drove the truck pulling the dolley and car at some point on this trip. :) Just another thing I can add to my driving accomplishments. Lol
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thanksgiving Vacation
Today is the day. My vacation finally starts. In under an hour we should be on our way North. As a northerner, I'm so freaking excited!! I probably won't post much. No wifi at my grandparents in Virginia.
Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!!
Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Moving On
Yesterday I took another step towards moving on. I needed to do it a long time ago but couldn't let go. To some it may seem small, but you have to remember that it was a long distance relationship. Pictures were a big part of it all. Anyway, I deleted all but 2 pictures I had on my phone of him. Sure I will probably always care for and have feelings for him but they won't be the same or a's strong. I'm excited for the next step in my life. For my next relationship. I've learned a lot over the last 4 years. I've grown a lot over that time too. I know what I want with my life now and this time it is realistic... I think.
Spring Break on the Mind
Dearest friends,
I have decided that I want to go somewhere for spring break. I was thinking of somewhere on the east coast but probably not a crowded Florida beach. I'd love to go to D.C. But I'm sure no one else will want to spend a week in there. If anyone wants to join me and has ideas I'm totally open to anywhere. :). Let me know!!
Love Always,
Sami
I have decided that I want to go somewhere for spring break. I was thinking of somewhere on the east coast but probably not a crowded Florida beach. I'd love to go to D.C. But I'm sure no one else will want to spend a week in there. If anyone wants to join me and has ideas I'm totally open to anywhere. :). Let me know!!
Love Always,
Sami
Stress, Work, and Vacation
I am so ready for vacation. I'm sick of work and sick of school. When I get back I am seriously looking for a new job. Last night I had a dream that I got fired because I lost it. I can have a temper at times and I'm so sick of bullshit and drama. Well a customer was asking retarded questions on the phone and I was getting annoyed so I started yelling at them and through the phone. Um... Ya that can't happen in real life and if I'm dreaming about work causing me stress then it's obviously causing me too much stress in real life.
Stress is something I need to learn to control better. I'm 20 and have the stress of a person with a professional job and family to support. At this rate I won't live long enough to have those things. So my New Years goal (yes I know it's early) is going to cut my stress level by t least half. Haha let's see how long that lasts though.
Stress is something I need to learn to control better. I'm 20 and have the stress of a person with a professional job and family to support. At this rate I won't live long enough to have those things. So my New Years goal (yes I know it's early) is going to cut my stress level by t least half. Haha let's see how long that lasts though.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Farm Girl
Today's song is....
Farm Girl by Joanna Smith.
To be 100% honest I feel like this song describes how I was when I was younger. I truly was a farm girl. Hell, I'd never lived in a subdivision until I moved down here. I bottle fed calves, rode 4-wheelers, was in 4-H, counted cows, collected eggs, and everything else you can think of. I've become kind of citified since I moved to Arkansas (pretty funny since I always though AR was just farms). Well, I get to go back and spend a week on the farms next week and I couldn't be more excited. It's time for some tractors, dirt, and fishin'!!
http://youtu.be/_HmUUPT3-0g
Farm Girl by Joanna Smith.
To be 100% honest I feel like this song describes how I was when I was younger. I truly was a farm girl. Hell, I'd never lived in a subdivision until I moved down here. I bottle fed calves, rode 4-wheelers, was in 4-H, counted cows, collected eggs, and everything else you can think of. I've become kind of citified since I moved to Arkansas (pretty funny since I always though AR was just farms). Well, I get to go back and spend a week on the farms next week and I couldn't be more excited. It's time for some tractors, dirt, and fishin'!!
http://youtu.be/_HmUUPT3-0g
Been A Long Time
So I've been slacking again with my blog. Sorry all. I can't even promise that I'll do better. I doubt that I'll post while on vacation next week. I'll try to get a good one up before I leave though. Maybe something deep. I don't know though. We'll have to see what comes to mind whenever I do it. :)
I've had the best week so far. Last night my friends and I all went to Aaron's apartment for an early Thanksgiving dinner. OMG it was fun. I haven't just relaxed and been myself like that in I don't even know how long. It shouldn't take that for me to be myself though. So last night gave me a new goal. Be Me and not worry what anyone else thinks. I mean for Pete's sake, I professed my crush to Aaron. LOL Anyone who knows me knows that, that was out of character. But I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines and just crushing without doing anything. So from now on, that's going to become the norm. I already can't wait until the next time we all get together. It's going to be a blast.
I've had the best week so far. Last night my friends and I all went to Aaron's apartment for an early Thanksgiving dinner. OMG it was fun. I haven't just relaxed and been myself like that in I don't even know how long. It shouldn't take that for me to be myself though. So last night gave me a new goal. Be Me and not worry what anyone else thinks. I mean for Pete's sake, I professed my crush to Aaron. LOL Anyone who knows me knows that, that was out of character. But I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines and just crushing without doing anything. So from now on, that's going to become the norm. I already can't wait until the next time we all get together. It's going to be a blast.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Where are you?
Can someone please just realize what a catch I am! Stop falling in love with my friends and look at me. I want a chance. I promise I'm not always this shy. I'm just a little scared right now. I haven't had to really flirt for like 2 years. I'm really rusty and nervous. I'm really dorky. I don't want to hide that, just find someon that loves it. So where are you??
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Late Nights
I haven't been posting much the last few days. Sorry. :(
I've been closing at work and just been taking what time I do have to relax. I can't sleep tonight, too wired on the soda I had at work, so I'm blogging. I honestly don't have too much to say, probably just because it's late though. I remember a time when it was strange for me to post a blog before 11 at night and now it's unusual for me to post this late. lol
I'm looking forward to next week. I kind of just want to skip the weekend (mostly because I'm working pretty much all of it). Monday is going to be awesome. My friends and I are all getting together at Aaron's for an early Thanksgiving dinner. Yay!! We're having ham instead of a turkey but it will all still be good. After all, what's better than food and good friends?
I've been closing at work and just been taking what time I do have to relax. I can't sleep tonight, too wired on the soda I had at work, so I'm blogging. I honestly don't have too much to say, probably just because it's late though. I remember a time when it was strange for me to post a blog before 11 at night and now it's unusual for me to post this late. lol
I'm looking forward to next week. I kind of just want to skip the weekend (mostly because I'm working pretty much all of it). Monday is going to be awesome. My friends and I are all getting together at Aaron's for an early Thanksgiving dinner. Yay!! We're having ham instead of a turkey but it will all still be good. After all, what's better than food and good friends?
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Hallelujah
I had to search through a ton to get one that had the beginning as this one (the official video didn't even).
So, today's song is....
Hallelujah by Paramore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3Z_mfljR1s
So, today's song is....
Hallelujah by Paramore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3Z_mfljR1s
Friends
I have to once again write about what great friends I have. Last night I was really needing to talk to someone. It was kind of just one of those nights. So I texted Emily and Facebooked Aaron. Between the two of them I was able to get pretty much everything that I wanted to out.
On another note though, how can someone be so blind? Clearly it's an attempted set-up but nope ain't gonna notice that. lol Well, notice it already!
On another note though, how can someone be so blind? Clearly it's an attempted set-up but nope ain't gonna notice that. lol Well, notice it already!
Relapse
I'm really glad I'm working closing shift the next two nights. That won't give me much time for thinking which is exactly what I can't seem to stop doing the last two days. I hate feeling like this. I don't even know why I do all of a sudden. I had been doing well. I guess it's just part of the process though. Can't happen overnight and I suppose there may be a few relapses.
I guess the most important part is to stay positive. :)
I guess the most important part is to stay positive. :)
Monday, November 8, 2010
Being the Smart Kid
I have to say that being the "smart" kid never becomes "cool". I am 20 years old and in college. I always get the highest grade in my Spanish class. Everyone in the class knows that I do. So the people in the class that are my age, ignore me and don't let me in there "group" and the older ones always look at me when the instructor asks a question. It's kind of sad that we can't leave that all back in high school. I feel amazing for having the highest grade but feel unwanted because of it as well. Oh well though. Better to have brains and only a couple of friends than to be failing and be surrounded by friends. At least in my opinion.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Stood Up and Alone
I wish that you could understand what I'm going through. I wish that you knew just how I felt. You don't though. You don't because we are still yet to talk about it. So, once again I get to spend 5 hours alone at work tomorrow thinking about it all. Letting my head fill up with these stupid thoughts that I can't seem to help. There is so mug that I want to tell you, that I just need to get off of my chest for my sake. When I (if) I finally get the chance to though, will I? Or will it be another time that I just say the stuff that I think won't make you made. If I can't have you in my life the way that I used to then I at least need to still be friends. I don't know what I would do without that. You've been my best friend for 4 years.
It's funny because I really thought that I was doing better. Two nights ago though, I had a dream that made me realize that subconsciously, I'm not. I think I've figured out what I need to get better, I just can't seem to find it. I thought I had, but was quickly proven wrong and was dropped. Then, once more and I realized what a stupid mistake that would be. Lol and now, I may have but it's different this time because I don't know. So if I can't have you then this is what I need.
Now I lay here in bed, once again unable to sleep. Once again, in a sense, being stood up. Once again, alone.
It's funny because I really thought that I was doing better. Two nights ago though, I had a dream that made me realize that subconsciously, I'm not. I think I've figured out what I need to get better, I just can't seem to find it. I thought I had, but was quickly proven wrong and was dropped. Then, once more and I realized what a stupid mistake that would be. Lol and now, I may have but it's different this time because I don't know. So if I can't have you then this is what I need.
Now I lay here in bed, once again unable to sleep. Once again, in a sense, being stood up. Once again, alone.
Song Writing
About a year ago, I wrote my first song. I thought it was kind of stupid for me to write more songs though because I have no musical abilities. Thus, I couldn't write the music to go along with it.
Well, that all changed the other day. Before I decided to stop attempting to write songs, I had written about Friday night football. Then I heard the new Kenny Chesney song Boys of Fall. It is strikingly similar (but better than) the one I remember writing in the past.
Anyway, I've started on another song. However, it is still a huge work in progress but at least this way someone can tell me if it's even worth working on more. lol I've kind of hit a rut, but I'll give it the weekend and work on it some more.
She's 21 and living at home
He was stationed on a ship in some foreign lands
Everyone says they'll never make it
Long distance doesn't work, he's going to get lonely
And you won't be there.
But oh no
They ignored all those around them
Toughened up, pulled it together
And dealt with the lonely tears.
People do this all the time, so why can't they?
But they did it
For 12 long months it was trips back and forth
3 months apart at a time
But they did it.
After a while, they started to fail.
She let it all go
She'd been too strong, for too long.
And she cried, and she fought
And she wanted him back her whole heart
She knew he was her one,
But what could she do?
He moved on.
But she couldn't.
(still trying to figure out one more to go here)
She's living at home
And he's moving on.
Everyone tells her she's better off
But she's not, Oh no she's not.
Well, that all changed the other day. Before I decided to stop attempting to write songs, I had written about Friday night football. Then I heard the new Kenny Chesney song Boys of Fall. It is strikingly similar (but better than) the one I remember writing in the past.
Anyway, I've started on another song. However, it is still a huge work in progress but at least this way someone can tell me if it's even worth working on more. lol I've kind of hit a rut, but I'll give it the weekend and work on it some more.
She's 21 and living at home
He was stationed on a ship in some foreign lands
Everyone says they'll never make it
Long distance doesn't work, he's going to get lonely
And you won't be there.
But oh no
They ignored all those around them
Toughened up, pulled it together
And dealt with the lonely tears.
People do this all the time, so why can't they?
But they did it
For 12 long months it was trips back and forth
3 months apart at a time
But they did it.
After a while, they started to fail.
She let it all go
She'd been too strong, for too long.
And she cried, and she fought
And she wanted him back her whole heart
She knew he was her one,
But what could she do?
He moved on.
But she couldn't.
(still trying to figure out one more to go here)
She's living at home
And he's moving on.
Everyone tells her she's better off
But she's not, Oh no she's not.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Football Wives
I'm watching this show called Football Wives. It's very interesting. They act like there husbands are more like soldiers. Talking about how dangerous and stressful it is. That he goes out and puts his life on the line every week and you just don't know.
Well hell, no you don't know. You don't know if he's going to get hurt and not get another multi-million dollar contract next year. So don't spend it all! Hello, save the money just in case. Instead of buying a huge house, why don't you just live like the soldiers you think your husbands are. Live off of their pay. Then let's see you complain about it not being worth the risk or something.
Ok, vent over. lol. :)
Well hell, no you don't know. You don't know if he's going to get hurt and not get another multi-million dollar contract next year. So don't spend it all! Hello, save the money just in case. Instead of buying a huge house, why don't you just live like the soldiers you think your husbands are. Live off of their pay. Then let's see you complain about it not being worth the risk or something.
Ok, vent over. lol. :)
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Good Times
I've had a good past few days. Hung out with friends, applied for a seasonal job...
I guess though it'd have been hard for a day to be worse than Saturday was. I'm on the upside of it all now though. I'm ready to move forward. See what lies ahead. It could end up being something new or something from my past. I don't care what it is. I of course have my preferences but I'm not going to dwell on that for now. lol
Anyway, I hope the rest of the week keeps up this trend.
I guess though it'd have been hard for a day to be worse than Saturday was. I'm on the upside of it all now though. I'm ready to move forward. See what lies ahead. It could end up being something new or something from my past. I don't care what it is. I of course have my preferences but I'm not going to dwell on that for now. lol
Anyway, I hope the rest of the week keeps up this trend.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Dumbledore
Dumbledore was my cat. I got him 9 years ago. We had gone to visit family in Ohio and my aunt's cat had had a bunch of kittens. I fell in love with one. At first we were going to call him Popcorn because, well he loved popcorn. On the long drive back to Arkansas we decided on the name Dumbledore and started to get to know his personality. Boy did he have a personality. He was incredibly mean and evil to put it frankly. From the start, he was my cat. I loved him most and he tolerated me the most. It was a rough first couple of weeks. We quickly learned that for our safety he needed to be declawed. He loved to come into my room in the middle of the night and attack my head... with his claws out. He was a decent bed buddy. He did have a tendency to stretch out and dig his claws into my back to take over my bed though.
Sure, he got on our nerves sometimes. Like when he would rub up against us when we had on dark clothes. He had his quirks though. Who doesn't?
Recently though, Dumbles had been peeing all in the pantry where his litter box was. He would go right in front of his box even. We changed litters, scooped it more often, did everything we could think of. Everyone was getting tired of it, especially mom who always cleaned it up. So this morning, dad took him to the vet to find out why he was doing it. Dumbledore was suffering from kidney failure and had to be put down.
RIP Dumbledore
Sept. 2001-October 2010
Early
Good morning. It's early. I'd rather be jn bed but since I have no one to cuddle with and someone has to be up this early it had might as well be me. Lol
Have a great day everyone!
Have a great day everyone!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Elementary School
So today on my way home from walmart and the bank, I got stuck behind the elementary school bus. Didn't bother me because I wasn't in any hurry. The 2nd stop the bus made a little girl got off. I can only assume she was in Kindergarten because she was so tiny. Her backpack was pretty much as big as she was. It really made me smile. She was so excited to be getting off of that bus and to get home.
At the next stop, a bunch of girls (probably in 3rd or 4th grade) got off. They all had slippers on and one was carrying a sleeping bag. I remember those days. I never got to take a sleeping bag to class but I remember pajama and slipper days.
What were your favorite "special" days when you were in grade school?
Mine was probably The Polar Express days. Where we read the Polar Express, got to wear our PJs, and had hot chocolate.
At the next stop, a bunch of girls (probably in 3rd or 4th grade) got off. They all had slippers on and one was carrying a sleeping bag. I remember those days. I never got to take a sleeping bag to class but I remember pajama and slipper days.
What were your favorite "special" days when you were in grade school?
Mine was probably The Polar Express days. Where we read the Polar Express, got to wear our PJs, and had hot chocolate.
Somewhere With You
Today's song is...
Somewhere With You by Kenny Chesney
This is the type of song that comes on the day I decide to listen to country music. lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JliFxkDcUlE
Somewhere With You by Kenny Chesney
This is the type of song that comes on the day I decide to listen to country music. lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JliFxkDcUlE
A Little Good Left
I would like to say that good still does exist in the world. I'm driving to school this morning and a truck carrying lumber had lost some of it. The guy was stopped in the right lane trying to pick it all up. Another guy on a side street stopped to help. He was in a suit but still got out to help. You don't really see that much anymore. Made me smile for sure.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Chili!
Even though I was busier yesterday, today has seemed like a busier day. I'm worn out and going to be early tonight (hopefully)
My chili turned out well. It was really good and I will most definitely be making it again in the future. I was worried while cooking it that I had made too much but there were only about two helpings worth left when I went to put it up. Always a good sign. :)
My chili turned out well. It was really good and I will most definitely be making it again in the future. I was worried while cooking it that I had made too much but there were only about two helpings worth left when I went to put it up. Always a good sign. :)
My Heart
It's crazy how everyday can be so different. Yesterday was normal day. Today, not so much. Today my heart aches. I miss him so much more than usual. I hate it because what can I do? Even blogging about it right now isn't making me feel any better. The only thing that I can think to do is to go make my chili and figure it out later. Lol.
I'm sure I'll blog again later. Probably by then I'll feel different. Maybe I just need to talk it all out. Idk.
I'm sure I'll blog again later. Probably by then I'll feel different. Maybe I just need to talk it all out. Idk.
'Tis the Season
It's an overcast, kind of windy, and chilly outside today. We're no longer 20 degrees above seasonal temperatures. :( Fall is here.
To celebrate fall though, I am off to Walmart to get the stuff to make Chili for dinner. I've never made it before, so it will be by no means "award winning". It should still be good, or at least edible.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
How I'm Feeling
As I was driving to school this morning, I was thinking. I was thinking that I can't cut all ties with Jeff. Being his friend may be hard right now, but I'm sure it will get easier in time. For now, I need to work on not blaming myself (I do know I did nothing wrong) and stop thinking that it is something that I can fix. If I try to "fix" it then I could lose my best friend. My heart can't handle that too. So, this is where I am right now in the grieving process I guess. If he told me today that he wanted an us again I'd tell him that he has to earn my trust again and prove to me that I'm not his second choice (please don't kill me for putting that, Emily). If he was willing to work to do that then I would, without a doubt, take him back. I still have feelings. I wasn't ready for it to be over and I don't know if I'll get used to it being over. I just knew that it wasn't healthy for me to keep waiting anymore.
So that's where I am. I'm past being really angry. I wanted to call him every name in the book and let him have it. I'm really glad that I didn't but at the time it's what I wanted to do.
By the way, I love how blogging about something that is on my mind makes me feel so much better. It doesn't matter if anyone reads it but knowing that they could, helps... at least for me.
(I wrote this out in BIO earlier today and just now had the chance to post it)
So that's where I am. I'm past being really angry. I wanted to call him every name in the book and let him have it. I'm really glad that I didn't but at the time it's what I wanted to do.
By the way, I love how blogging about something that is on my mind makes me feel so much better. It doesn't matter if anyone reads it but knowing that they could, helps... at least for me.
(I wrote this out in BIO earlier today and just now had the chance to post it)
Monday, October 25, 2010
Setting the Curve
I really should be in bed but I really feel like blogging, so I'll blog while sitting on my bed. lol
I didn't end up carving my pumpkin but I did at least buy one. Now I just have to carve it so that it doesn't go to waste. Perhaps tomorrow.
The last 2 days I've had some bad luck. Yesterday at work, I spilt tea all over my left, white shoe. Then I somehow managed to get hot marinara sauce all on my arm when pouring them into the hotwell. I hate my job and want a new one. So tomorrow when I get home, hello search for a new job.
This is supposed to be a happy post though, so no more complaining. I will save that for tomorrow or for not at all. I kind of think a couple of things I actually want to keep private for once. I won't keep them bottled up for long though, no worries. When I have the chance I'll talk to the right person about it all.
So I found out today that I am the top student in my spanish class. I had kind of suspected it but it was confirmed today. It feels awesome to think that if she graded on a curve, I'd be the one setting it. That never happens to me. :)
Earlier, I had thought of a bunch of stuff I wanted to talk about tonight but I've forgotten pretty much all of it. Perhaps it's just my brain telling me to get in bed already. I don't know. I will, however, write again tomorrow.
Until Next Time.
I didn't end up carving my pumpkin but I did at least buy one. Now I just have to carve it so that it doesn't go to waste. Perhaps tomorrow.
The last 2 days I've had some bad luck. Yesterday at work, I spilt tea all over my left, white shoe. Then I somehow managed to get hot marinara sauce all on my arm when pouring them into the hotwell. I hate my job and want a new one. So tomorrow when I get home, hello search for a new job.
This is supposed to be a happy post though, so no more complaining. I will save that for tomorrow or for not at all. I kind of think a couple of things I actually want to keep private for once. I won't keep them bottled up for long though, no worries. When I have the chance I'll talk to the right person about it all.
So I found out today that I am the top student in my spanish class. I had kind of suspected it but it was confirmed today. It feels awesome to think that if she graded on a curve, I'd be the one setting it. That never happens to me. :)
Earlier, I had thought of a bunch of stuff I wanted to talk about tonight but I've forgotten pretty much all of it. Perhaps it's just my brain telling me to get in bed already. I don't know. I will, however, write again tomorrow.
Until Next Time.
It's That Time
So before anyone reads and thinks "damn that girl is bitching a lot" I would like to say that I am totally PMSing and have no patience today.
Now, time to vent...
It started in my computer class this morning. We had to get partners to work on the tutorial with. Well there's the first thing, I'm not a team player I rather do it by myself. Then my partner is so computer illiterate. I don't know how you can be in my generation and be that way. It took us forever to finish.
Then in Spanish the older lady who sits across from kept coughing and never covering her mouth. That is disgusting!! I've been so stressed lately so I know my immune system is weakened. Great! She also always smacks her gum which drives me insane.
Ah now that I've gotten that all out, I'm off to eat some leftovers. I'm starved. Then some tv, walmart for a pumpkin, and a happy blog. Be sure to check back later.
Now, time to vent...
It started in my computer class this morning. We had to get partners to work on the tutorial with. Well there's the first thing, I'm not a team player I rather do it by myself. Then my partner is so computer illiterate. I don't know how you can be in my generation and be that way. It took us forever to finish.
Then in Spanish the older lady who sits across from kept coughing and never covering her mouth. That is disgusting!! I've been so stressed lately so I know my immune system is weakened. Great! She also always smacks her gum which drives me insane.
Ah now that I've gotten that all out, I'm off to eat some leftovers. I'm starved. Then some tv, walmart for a pumpkin, and a happy blog. Be sure to check back later.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Stalling on Homework
I really need to be doing my spanish homework so I can go out tomorrow night. Instead, I'm on here and facebook and watching Robin Hood. I have a hard time making myself do my spanish homework since I'm doing so well in the class. I know that I need to and I shall do most, if not all, of it before I go to bed tonight.
I've got the house completely to myself tonight. There was a time that I was not at all a fan of that but now I enjoy it. It's rather peaceful and allows me to just have alone time. It's sort of a distresser. If I want the house silent I can actually have it, unlike when there are people home.
I suppose I have stalled enough. Time to do the dreaded homework. :(
I've got the house completely to myself tonight. There was a time that I was not at all a fan of that but now I enjoy it. It's rather peaceful and allows me to just have alone time. It's sort of a distresser. If I want the house silent I can actually have it, unlike when there are people home.
I suppose I have stalled enough. Time to do the dreaded homework. :(
Friday, October 22, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
All Over the Place with Randomness
It's been a while since I've been up this late and blogging. As usual, there is a ton of stuff on my mind that I could get off right now, but honestly I'm not sure if my blog is the right place to do that. Weird coming from me, who has said pretty much it all. lol
The preview for Paranormal Activity 2 just came on. I saw the first one and it didn't really scare me. I want to see this one, but probably not in the theater. For some reason I'm always more afraid of movies in the theater than at home. So to watch it there I would need a guy to grab, a coat to hide my face, and ear plugs for everyone else. lol
Stupid me decided to hook my phone up and sync it to my laptop while I'm in the living room. It's taking forever to sync and because my laptop battery is fried I can't just take it all into my bedroom without having to start all over when I got in there. And I can't leaving it in the living room because my phone is my alarm. I'm really sleepy. Oh well, it's on step 5 of 6 so it shouldn't be much longer.
My whole, "trying to be more positive" thing is actually going really well for me. I'm trying to end everything with a positive start. So for now, I'm still having those negative thoughts but I don't leave it at that. Got to start somewhere.
Since this blog is all over the place I'd like to add in one more thing. I got the Holiday Victoria's Secret catalog today and OMG I want it all. I don't really have a need for most of it anymore but I'm pretty sure they have a lot of new stuff. I wish they had, had it a year ago. lol. Check it out if you get the chance. "The bra" (the expensive one that will be in the fashion show) is in it. So, if anyone just has an extra $2,000,000 laying around I'd love you forever. :)
Good Night All.
The preview for Paranormal Activity 2 just came on. I saw the first one and it didn't really scare me. I want to see this one, but probably not in the theater. For some reason I'm always more afraid of movies in the theater than at home. So to watch it there I would need a guy to grab, a coat to hide my face, and ear plugs for everyone else. lol
Stupid me decided to hook my phone up and sync it to my laptop while I'm in the living room. It's taking forever to sync and because my laptop battery is fried I can't just take it all into my bedroom without having to start all over when I got in there. And I can't leaving it in the living room because my phone is my alarm. I'm really sleepy. Oh well, it's on step 5 of 6 so it shouldn't be much longer.
My whole, "trying to be more positive" thing is actually going really well for me. I'm trying to end everything with a positive start. So for now, I'm still having those negative thoughts but I don't leave it at that. Got to start somewhere.
Since this blog is all over the place I'd like to add in one more thing. I got the Holiday Victoria's Secret catalog today and OMG I want it all. I don't really have a need for most of it anymore but I'm pretty sure they have a lot of new stuff. I wish they had, had it a year ago. lol. Check it out if you get the chance. "The bra" (the expensive one that will be in the fashion show) is in it. So, if anyone just has an extra $2,000,000 laying around I'd love you forever. :)
Good Night All.
Red Hair
So I'm thinking of going back to red hair. This is one of the only pics I have of me with red hair. This wasn't the best dye job. The color stuck a helluva lot better at the roots than elsewhere. So, what do you think? How do I look with red hair?
Welcome to the Family
Today's song is...
Welcome to the Family by Avenged Sevenfold
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-iOKHjy3sQ
Welcome to the Family by Avenged Sevenfold
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-iOKHjy3sQ
Notification
It's kind of funny how it takes something as simple as a Facebook notification I forgot to remove, to make me sad. I knew it would be a sad day. I had made it through the last few days with little to no sad thoughts though. In the words of Sara Evans "I get a little bit stronger.". It's not easy but it's something that I have to do. So once again, I'm stuck being strong. I'd been strong for so long. That short break was nice and I plan on getting back there. Being that strong just adds extra stress. I can feel it in my chest (but that's probably from all the stress for my psych test earlier. Yucky. Lol.
I miss you.
I miss you.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Short and Sweet
Hello!
Busy week this week so I may not post much. It should (no promises) be back to normal on Thursday night. Have a great week everyone!
Night.
Busy week this week so I may not post much. It should (no promises) be back to normal on Thursday night. Have a great week everyone!
Night.
Monday, October 18, 2010
My Darkest Days
It's funny how even on my darkest days (I know they're a band) how someone can say something so simple and it makes me smile. I love not being so stressed anymore. It's been a while since it was so easy to make me smile. Don't get me wrong, I loved how life was... just take it back to how it was in February. Yes, that was a great time. :)
One day, I'll get back to feeling like that. For now, I want to discover me. I want to figure out who exactly I am. What on Earth I want to do with my life and more. Oh and I have some money I was saving up for a trip that I dont need to take anymore... so maybe I can discover me while shopping. lol
Night everyone. I hate Tuesday classes. I get to sit in school from 9-1:20 in nothing but straight from the book lectures. Oh joy.
One day, I'll get back to feeling like that. For now, I want to discover me. I want to figure out who exactly I am. What on Earth I want to do with my life and more. Oh and I have some money I was saving up for a trip that I dont need to take anymore... so maybe I can discover me while shopping. lol
Night everyone. I hate Tuesday classes. I get to sit in school from 9-1:20 in nothing but straight from the book lectures. Oh joy.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Citizen Soldier
It's been quite a while since I posted a song of the day.
Today's song is...
Citizen Soldier by 3 Doors Down
I love this song. I can't seem to get sick of it even though I heard it a ton while it was the song for National Guard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgV6VUinDEA
Today's song is...
Citizen Soldier by 3 Doors Down
I love this song. I can't seem to get sick of it even though I heard it a ton while it was the song for National Guard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgV6VUinDEA
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Treat Me Like A Princess
I know it seems horrible to judge someone on looks but you have to be able to stand the way they look right? lol I've never been this way before, but suddenly I feel like I'm a lot nicer than the rest of the world.
I'm hot. It's taken me forever to realize that, but I am. I'm not settling for anyone less than me. I'm done being treated like shit. I need to be treated like a Princess. For someone to put me first because I'm always going to put them first.
Somewhere out there is the right guy for me. I'll just keep searching until I find him. No more making excuses for guys... especially if they wouldn't do it for me. Actually, no more treating a guy in a way I don't think he'd treat me. I'd move for him but would he for me? I'd come get him at 3 am if needed but would he me? I'd give him presents for no reason but would give me them?
It's a new look out on relationships for me. It's one of the steps I'm trying to take towards being less stressed. Let's see how this works for me.
(lol, by the way... I'm more or less just rambling. I'm not really already looking to get back into a serious relationship... give me two full weeks first. lol j/k)
I'm hot. It's taken me forever to realize that, but I am. I'm not settling for anyone less than me. I'm done being treated like shit. I need to be treated like a Princess. For someone to put me first because I'm always going to put them first.
Somewhere out there is the right guy for me. I'll just keep searching until I find him. No more making excuses for guys... especially if they wouldn't do it for me. Actually, no more treating a guy in a way I don't think he'd treat me. I'd move for him but would he for me? I'd come get him at 3 am if needed but would he me? I'd give him presents for no reason but would give me them?
It's a new look out on relationships for me. It's one of the steps I'm trying to take towards being less stressed. Let's see how this works for me.
(lol, by the way... I'm more or less just rambling. I'm not really already looking to get back into a serious relationship... give me two full weeks first. lol j/k)
Friday, October 15, 2010
Dr. Oz & Stress
Right now I'm watching a Dr. Oz episode that I recorded earlier this week. The main topic of it is stress. I know that I am an incredibly over stressed person and I don't want that to be anymore. So, I'm on the quest to find ways to destress and to even limit myself on the amount of stress that I have.
The first thing Dr. Oz is talking about is stress eating and what to eat instead of simple sugar foods. He recommends eating salmon twice a week. I've never had salmon but am interested in trying it. He also suggests vitamins B & C!
Exercise is the next way to destress. He said that climbing stairs for 7 minutes a day reduces your chance of heart disease by 2/3.
The next is to massage your hand for 5 minutes to release cortisol! Aroma Thearpy is also in this category. Take lavender oil, add 10 drops of it to 2 cups of water in a spray bottle. Then spray it throughout the house.
The last one is to find what triggers your stress. Worrying about the the past or the future, looking down on yourself, bad thoughts, and more.
I know that I stress way to much about the future. Most of the time it's about school and future career and that sort of a thing. From now on I want to try to take life a day at a time (except for during tests). I want to start working out more after classes. I'm not going to stress during work. Afterall I am just working at subway. There isn't really a reason that I should stress so much over that job. They don't pay me enough to shorten my life through stress. Lol.
So how do you deal with your stress? What causes you the most stress?
The first thing Dr. Oz is talking about is stress eating and what to eat instead of simple sugar foods. He recommends eating salmon twice a week. I've never had salmon but am interested in trying it. He also suggests vitamins B & C!
Exercise is the next way to destress. He said that climbing stairs for 7 minutes a day reduces your chance of heart disease by 2/3.
The next is to massage your hand for 5 minutes to release cortisol! Aroma Thearpy is also in this category. Take lavender oil, add 10 drops of it to 2 cups of water in a spray bottle. Then spray it throughout the house.
The last one is to find what triggers your stress. Worrying about the the past or the future, looking down on yourself, bad thoughts, and more.
I know that I stress way to much about the future. Most of the time it's about school and future career and that sort of a thing. From now on I want to try to take life a day at a time (except for during tests). I want to start working out more after classes. I'm not going to stress during work. Afterall I am just working at subway. There isn't really a reason that I should stress so much over that job. They don't pay me enough to shorten my life through stress. Lol.
So how do you deal with your stress? What causes you the most stress?
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Already Getting Stronger
Today is a good day. I mean I'm sick. I feel like shit. I did look cute though. Camo pants, burgundy shirt, and my hair in a bun. :). But I wasn't sad today. I wouldn't say I was happy but I wasn't depressed like I have been. It has to start somewhere. It's like Sara Evans song... "I'm getting a little bit stronger. Just a little bit stronger."
I may post again later. Maybe a picture and song.
Until Next Time.
I may post again later. Maybe a picture and song.
Until Next Time.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Moving On is Never Easy
Moving on is never easy. I'm going to screw up. I'm going to say something I'll regret. It's all part of the process though.
I'm really trying to get positive about this whole situation. It's just going to take time. Having someone as yours for 2 years then having to go back to just friends isn't easy. I know I can do it.
Just bare with me for a bit. :)
Friends
I truly have the best friends in the world. They have stuck with me through so much and are as patient as a saint. I love them all and am so sorry the last few months have been so rough. I know my being constantly upset over guys couldn't have been fun. So I promise that we are on the upside of that finally. Hopefully any guy talk will be good from now on. I just have to meet some guys first though. So I'd like to take this chance to thank you all.
Emily- You are always there for me. I really enjoy our lunches together and the occasional shopping and photography trips. You truly are a great friend and you have no idea how lucky I consider myself to still have you as a friend. Thank you for always being there, for offering your advice, and for loving to take pictures. LOL. By the way... 120 days!!!
Veronica- I love you. I feel like I need to be there for you more. You're always there for me. I know that I can come to you for unbiased advice and I treasure that greatly. I can't wait til we hang out next, lots to catch up on.
Sarah M.- Girl we need to hang out! I miss you. Thanks for talking to me on Facebook when I'm up late and can't sleep. Also, thanks for always texting back quickly. :)
Sarah G.- I really hope we get to meet in person someday. We seem to have a lot in common. Thanks for always letting me vent. I'm always here you need to too. I hope you and Josh find an amazing house in NC. Kodi needs a big yard to cause trouble in. lol
Kathy- I'm glad you and Chris are night owls. Thanks for being on facebook for the occasional late night vent.
Jesse- I really had a lot of fun hanging out with you. I wish you would have stuck around though. I know I could have treated you differently. I should have always said what was on my mind. Thank you for always listening and offering your opinion. I was just too blind to see it. :( I hope that you change your mind and decide to give me another chance.
Jeff- This one was hard to write. There really is a lot that I could say but I'm going to stick to the basics ;). Thank you for everything. Thanks for some wonderful memories. Thank you for always being so patient and understanding. Any man that remains patient while clothing shopping with me, really is great. LOL. I hope I set the bar high for the next girl because you set it high for me for the next guy. I know that you are right though, someone great will eventually come along for me. I'm glad that through it all we are still friends. You are one of my best friends and I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to talk to sometimes. Now I have a guys opinion and view on things :)
Emily- You are always there for me. I really enjoy our lunches together and the occasional shopping and photography trips. You truly are a great friend and you have no idea how lucky I consider myself to still have you as a friend. Thank you for always being there, for offering your advice, and for loving to take pictures. LOL. By the way... 120 days!!!
Veronica- I love you. I feel like I need to be there for you more. You're always there for me. I know that I can come to you for unbiased advice and I treasure that greatly. I can't wait til we hang out next, lots to catch up on.
Sarah M.- Girl we need to hang out! I miss you. Thanks for talking to me on Facebook when I'm up late and can't sleep. Also, thanks for always texting back quickly. :)
Sarah G.- I really hope we get to meet in person someday. We seem to have a lot in common. Thanks for always letting me vent. I'm always here you need to too. I hope you and Josh find an amazing house in NC. Kodi needs a big yard to cause trouble in. lol
Kathy- I'm glad you and Chris are night owls. Thanks for being on facebook for the occasional late night vent.
Jesse- I really had a lot of fun hanging out with you. I wish you would have stuck around though. I know I could have treated you differently. I should have always said what was on my mind. Thank you for always listening and offering your opinion. I was just too blind to see it. :( I hope that you change your mind and decide to give me another chance.
Jeff- This one was hard to write. There really is a lot that I could say but I'm going to stick to the basics ;). Thank you for everything. Thanks for some wonderful memories. Thank you for always being so patient and understanding. Any man that remains patient while clothing shopping with me, really is great. LOL. I hope I set the bar high for the next girl because you set it high for me for the next guy. I know that you are right though, someone great will eventually come along for me. I'm glad that through it all we are still friends. You are one of my best friends and I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to talk to sometimes. Now I have a guys opinion and view on things :)
Unfriended... really?
I had not really done this yet. I'd been putting it off. I didn't think it was real. Here it is a week later though and still no word from you. I guess it's serious. It's just something I never thought you would do. I really thought you were different, better. I was wrong though. No matter the reasoning behind it, how could you think that completely cutting me out of your life was a good thing? Why is it always the guys who get to make those decisions? Why can't it ever be mutual? How does this make you so much different and better like you claimed? It doesn't.
If your goal was to piss me off, then you have succeeded. This is just childish.
How is it that you liked me so much and all of a sudden you're gone without a word? I seriously was having a great time getting to know you and was excited to get to know you better. I really wanted to. You know how some people claim to know someone is they're one shortly after just meeting them? To be 100% honest, I was actually becoming one of those people. I'm an incredibly picky and easily annoyed person. In the four months that I have known you, I've found only one thing that I didn't like about you. One thing that honestly, I think you'll grow out of. That's a huge thing for me. Generally, everyone has a ton of things that I don't like about them. Just trust me on that.
What am I though? Why nothing more than a hopeless romantic. I can't help it. I've always been that way I suppose. Perhaps that's all that I ever will be. I just wish I knew why you did this to me. Why you dropped me cold with no reason at all. I've done everything besides show up to your door trying to figure it out. So just man up and tell me what's up!! Until you do, I don't know if I can get over you. I don't know if I want to.
If your goal was to piss me off, then you have succeeded. This is just childish.
How is it that you liked me so much and all of a sudden you're gone without a word? I seriously was having a great time getting to know you and was excited to get to know you better. I really wanted to. You know how some people claim to know someone is they're one shortly after just meeting them? To be 100% honest, I was actually becoming one of those people. I'm an incredibly picky and easily annoyed person. In the four months that I have known you, I've found only one thing that I didn't like about you. One thing that honestly, I think you'll grow out of. That's a huge thing for me. Generally, everyone has a ton of things that I don't like about them. Just trust me on that.
What am I though? Why nothing more than a hopeless romantic. I can't help it. I've always been that way I suppose. Perhaps that's all that I ever will be. I just wish I knew why you did this to me. Why you dropped me cold with no reason at all. I've done everything besides show up to your door trying to figure it out. So just man up and tell me what's up!! Until you do, I don't know if I can get over you. I don't know if I want to.
Monday, October 11, 2010
To Do Nothing
You know those days when you know that you have a TON of stuff that you should be doing but you don't feel like doing any of it. Well, today is one of those days for me. I'm sitting here on the couch watching The Vampire's Assistant. I'm not doing anything productive. I am, however, hungry. I'd really like so chips and salsa right now actually. Maybe it's not a bad thing though. Maybe all I need is to do nothing though. To just sit around on the couch and forget the last week. Too bad I can't do that today though... perhaps tomorrow.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Drama, Drama, Drama
I would say this weekend was really relaxing and just what I needed, but that would be a lie. That's what this weekend should have been. It should have made me forget all of this stupid drama going on in my life. I really do hate drama. I feel like I'm back in freaking high school and I was not crazy about high school.
Sometimes I wonder what is up with all of this. Why do I let myself get here and why do I put up with it?
Anyway though, I have a Spanish test in the morning. Off to bed for me. I'm planning on going to Starbucks to study since I really only have to show up to my first class long enough to turn in my work. :) I'm sure if I take my laptop I'll get bored and post there.
Until Next Time.
Sometimes I wonder what is up with all of this. Why do I let myself get here and why do I put up with it?
Anyway though, I have a Spanish test in the morning. Off to bed for me. I'm planning on going to Starbucks to study since I really only have to show up to my first class long enough to turn in my work. :) I'm sure if I take my laptop I'll get bored and post there.
Until Next Time.
Tell Me Why
I thought I finally had it all figured out.
I thought I knew what I wanted.
I've had a great time with you.
I had figured out you were what I wanted.
I knew I wouldn't be in this situation with you.
So when I decided to make my decision you were on my mind.
You have been on my mind since.
But what am I supposed to do now?
Now that I am here without you?
This is what you wanted and is what I want.
So why do you ignore me?
Why do you hurt me so?
Just tell me why!
I thought I knew what I wanted.
I've had a great time with you.
I had figured out you were what I wanted.
I knew I wouldn't be in this situation with you.
So when I decided to make my decision you were on my mind.
You have been on my mind since.
But what am I supposed to do now?
Now that I am here without you?
This is what you wanted and is what I want.
So why do you ignore me?
Why do you hurt me so?
Just tell me why!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
A Wondering Mind
As I sat in Biology today, learning first about cancer then about sex and finally about genetics; I wondered well.... a lot of things. I decided to share.
1.) Jeff, just in general.
2.) Jesse's great run on his PT test this morning... congrats!!
3.) OMG... I have cancer. You'd have to know me to really understand this one.
4.) How when you eat an apple or orange you are eating an ovary (learned that today).
5.) The Air Force once again crossed my mind. I think it'd have a lot to off, I just don't know if I could do it courtesy of my knees.
6.) "Me are sperm machines." Yes, this is the type of stuff my BIO teacher says. Another great quote of the day was "I'm never going to be a Golden God."
7.) Halloween and what I want to do. I really want to party and go out. Oh or someone could just throw a Halloween party. I'd go to that too!! :)
8.) The fact that the instructor was sick, could barely talk, and still wouldn't release us early.
9.) I don't have any fun apps on my phone... suggestions??
10.) My belly ring was kind of sore and I thought of doing a salt soak when I got home (which I did).
Haha. Yes, this is a general day in biology for me. My mind is everywhere but where it should be. Maybe that explains why this is my second time taking biology. No worries though, there won't be a third time.
1.) Jeff, just in general.
2.) Jesse's great run on his PT test this morning... congrats!!
3.) OMG... I have cancer. You'd have to know me to really understand this one.
4.) How when you eat an apple or orange you are eating an ovary (learned that today).
5.) The Air Force once again crossed my mind. I think it'd have a lot to off, I just don't know if I could do it courtesy of my knees.
6.) "Me are sperm machines." Yes, this is the type of stuff my BIO teacher says. Another great quote of the day was "I'm never going to be a Golden God."
7.) Halloween and what I want to do. I really want to party and go out. Oh or someone could just throw a Halloween party. I'd go to that too!! :)
8.) The fact that the instructor was sick, could barely talk, and still wouldn't release us early.
9.) I don't have any fun apps on my phone... suggestions??
10.) My belly ring was kind of sore and I thought of doing a salt soak when I got home (which I did).
Haha. Yes, this is a general day in biology for me. My mind is everywhere but where it should be. Maybe that explains why this is my second time taking biology. No worries though, there won't be a third time.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Here Without You
Today's song of the day is...
Here Without You by 3 Doors Down
Heard it in a store today and just been stuck in my head since.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPBzTxZQG5Q
Here Without You by 3 Doors Down
Heard it in a store today and just been stuck in my head since.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPBzTxZQG5Q
Wondering
Quite often I sit around wondering what has become of my life. It's not a horrid thing just a change. I've always known what I'm going to do. I'm a researcher, a planner. It's who I am. Now I don't know. Maybe that's a good thing though. For now I will try not to worry about it. Haha, me not worry? I know, that's crazy.
Right now I need to be worrying about well, 1.) My computer class that I'm sitting here in and 2.) My psych test that I haven't even started on yet. Yikes because it's due next Tuesday. I'll finish it though, just in the style of a procrastinator.
Right now I need to be worrying about well, 1.) My computer class that I'm sitting here in and 2.) My psych test that I haven't even started on yet. Yikes because it's due next Tuesday. I'll finish it though, just in the style of a procrastinator.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Going In Blind P.O.D.
Today's song is...
Going In Blind by P.O.D.
I heard it the other day and loved it but couldn't remember the name so it had to wait til I could.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWo572wyWc4
Going In Blind by P.O.D.
I heard it the other day and loved it but couldn't remember the name so it had to wait til I could.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWo572wyWc4
Just to Get it Out
I don't understand at all. I don't understand how it can go from seeming so good. Like we were ok. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't what I can do.
I suppose here we are again. Back to one of those I miss you so much and don't understand. So I don't know what else to do besides blog. How can someone go from being so sweet one day, so caring to not knowing who to choose? How on earth can you not see what you're doing? You want her for the unknown basically. When you sit there and name 10 things about me that I would give anything to find in someone of the opposite sex? Characteristics that you rarely seem to find all in one person anymore. Obviously you have to be bored with me. But if that's the case then what, in a year won't the same thing happen with someone else? I mean it's another long distance relationship. I give it my all. I treat you better than I probably should.
Someone said to me that if you truly cared for or ever loved me then why would I be in this position? I don't think that you get it. I told you that everyone has these choices at some point. Everyone is faced with the what if I had done _____? or what if I had gone out with ______? Eventually you forget about it. You go with one and you give it your 100%, you never look back. If you do, then all you're going to ever have are regrets. You can't live with being obsessed with the what if situations because there are a million of them and they'll always be there. Anything can be turned into one. So stop it! Stop being such an idiot and choose. I can't take it anymore. The everyday battle with myself. Trying not to get attached again just in case you choose her and leave me. Trying not to think about the fact that you could call me tonight saying that we're really through now and that our break is over and isn't ending how I had hoped it would.
I don't want it to at all though. You've been my friend for 4 years and we've dated for 2. I can tell you anything and you know EVERYTHING about me. I swear I think you even understand what I mean when I don't understand it myself. So there it is. My vent. Stuff I said to you last night and things that I've thought of from venting to friends. I don't want to be mad at you forever. I just want to be able to be Sam and Jeff again. I want to be able to smile and laugh when I talk to you, spoil you with care packages, and hear about your day. I want you to choose me for me though. I don't want to be in this same position in a few months. Don't ask me why, but for some crazy reason I still miss you and I still want you. After all I've been through the last couple of months that seems to surprise everyone, including myself at times.
I know this was all kind of pointless since you won't see it, but at least it's out there now.
I suppose here we are again. Back to one of those I miss you so much and don't understand. So I don't know what else to do besides blog. How can someone go from being so sweet one day, so caring to not knowing who to choose? How on earth can you not see what you're doing? You want her for the unknown basically. When you sit there and name 10 things about me that I would give anything to find in someone of the opposite sex? Characteristics that you rarely seem to find all in one person anymore. Obviously you have to be bored with me. But if that's the case then what, in a year won't the same thing happen with someone else? I mean it's another long distance relationship. I give it my all. I treat you better than I probably should.
Someone said to me that if you truly cared for or ever loved me then why would I be in this position? I don't think that you get it. I told you that everyone has these choices at some point. Everyone is faced with the what if I had done _____? or what if I had gone out with ______? Eventually you forget about it. You go with one and you give it your 100%, you never look back. If you do, then all you're going to ever have are regrets. You can't live with being obsessed with the what if situations because there are a million of them and they'll always be there. Anything can be turned into one. So stop it! Stop being such an idiot and choose. I can't take it anymore. The everyday battle with myself. Trying not to get attached again just in case you choose her and leave me. Trying not to think about the fact that you could call me tonight saying that we're really through now and that our break is over and isn't ending how I had hoped it would.
I don't want it to at all though. You've been my friend for 4 years and we've dated for 2. I can tell you anything and you know EVERYTHING about me. I swear I think you even understand what I mean when I don't understand it myself. So there it is. My vent. Stuff I said to you last night and things that I've thought of from venting to friends. I don't want to be mad at you forever. I just want to be able to be Sam and Jeff again. I want to be able to smile and laugh when I talk to you, spoil you with care packages, and hear about your day. I want you to choose me for me though. I don't want to be in this same position in a few months. Don't ask me why, but for some crazy reason I still miss you and I still want you. After all I've been through the last couple of months that seems to surprise everyone, including myself at times.
I know this was all kind of pointless since you won't see it, but at least it's out there now.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Home
Oh why, Oh why must I miss you so?
I can't wait to see you again,
Even if it will only be for a couple of days
I'd gladly take that over not all.
Now you just need to hurry home. :)
I can't wait to see you again,
Even if it will only be for a couple of days
I'd gladly take that over not all.
Now you just need to hurry home. :)
Friday, September 24, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I wrote this in Bio and am posting it now
It's been a busy past few days. I haven't been on here much and when I have been it's been from my phone or a school computer. Currently, I'm in biology. I have completely lost interest. I blame the instructor for telling us he was going to give us every question on the test in class on Thursday. He also said he didn't expect any of us to get today's lecture. So as I look around there are 2 people that are asleep, 1 person drawing, and 5 or 6 people on their phones.
I really didn't want to get up this morning. I almost fell back to sleep after my second alarm. I wish I could have, but I have Friday off of work so hopefully I will sleep in then. Psychology was soooo boring. He freaked me out by talking about his tests (which we have the first one of on Thursday). We are graded against each other. Every question is made so only 50% of the students gets it right. OMG someone help me!! Ratemyprofessor.com made him seem really easy and fun. Haha, whatever!!
Biology is always boring. I've tried every trick in the book to make myself pay attention. So far, no luck. I'm sure part of it is that this is my second time taking the class. I'll make it through it though. At least I know the majority of people end up with an 'A' in his class and I'm not competeing against everyone else.
I really didn't want to get up this morning. I almost fell back to sleep after my second alarm. I wish I could have, but I have Friday off of work so hopefully I will sleep in then. Psychology was soooo boring. He freaked me out by talking about his tests (which we have the first one of on Thursday). We are graded against each other. Every question is made so only 50% of the students gets it right. OMG someone help me!! Ratemyprofessor.com made him seem really easy and fun. Haha, whatever!!
Biology is always boring. I've tried every trick in the book to make myself pay attention. So far, no luck. I'm sure part of it is that this is my second time taking the class. I'll make it through it though. At least I know the majority of people end up with an 'A' in his class and I'm not competeing against everyone else.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Bored and Hungry
Good Morning!
I'm sitting in my computer class incredibly bored right now. We're going over a pretest for our test on Wednesday. I already got a 95% on it and we went over the questions I missed so now I have nothing to do. Well, nothing but blog of course. Oh and facebook and email Jeff. lol. What I really want is to get out of here so I can run across the street before my next class and get some food. I'm hungry.
I had a pretty good weekend. I saw the movie Easy A on Friday and went bowling with friends yesterday.
I think I may be getting ready to leave class. Woot Woot!
I'm sitting in my computer class incredibly bored right now. We're going over a pretest for our test on Wednesday. I already got a 95% on it and we went over the questions I missed so now I have nothing to do. Well, nothing but blog of course. Oh and facebook and email Jeff. lol. What I really want is to get out of here so I can run across the street before my next class and get some food. I'm hungry.
I had a pretty good weekend. I saw the movie Easy A on Friday and went bowling with friends yesterday.
I think I may be getting ready to leave class. Woot Woot!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
No Chickening Out
Hello! I barely slept a wink last night but I'm still in a great mood.
I'd like to be the first to admit that I am 20 years old and am far from knowing everything. I have a lot to learn about everything, including myself still. I think that people are constantly changing and even at my age it isn't quite determined who I will be (boy my psych teacher would disagree).
So now let me surprise you all, much as I surprised myself... I got my belly button pierced today. For real, no chickening out this time!
I'd like to be the first to admit that I am 20 years old and am far from knowing everything. I have a lot to learn about everything, including myself still. I think that people are constantly changing and even at my age it isn't quite determined who I will be (boy my psych teacher would disagree).
So now let me surprise you all, much as I surprised myself... I got my belly button pierced today. For real, no chickening out this time!
Friday, September 17, 2010
I'm really the master of not doing well to show how I've changed. I really have but when you throw in everything else I'm still working on it. It's a different kind of strong. A strong I don't have to be all of the time so I don't have as much experience with dealing with it. Each time I get better, I truly do. I still have a ways to go though. So just give me the chance to prove that it is something that I can do. I'm realizing my mistakes now, which is more than I used to do. Now I just need to never let myself make those mistakes. I got clingy. So what? It's not as bad as it used to be and it won't get worse.
It may not be for a long time but it is for some time. I may not freak out about it as usual. All I want to do though is talk while we can. I want a lot more actually but for now we'll just work with this. Lol
Haha wow, I haven't written a blog like this in a while. At least this time, it's about me and not a love-crazed, can't-live-without-you me. Like I said, I really am changing and I don't think you've seen or realized it all yet. :)
It may not be for a long time but it is for some time. I may not freak out about it as usual. All I want to do though is talk while we can. I want a lot more actually but for now we'll just work with this. Lol
Haha wow, I haven't written a blog like this in a while. At least this time, it's about me and not a love-crazed, can't-live-without-you me. Like I said, I really am changing and I don't think you've seen or realized it all yet. :)
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Not Sleepy Yet
I haven't written a blog this late at night in quite a while. I'm not really tired yet so what better thing to do? lol
Oh ya, I could put away those clothes I've been putting off all week. I truly do hate folding and putting away clothes. Washing them is another story though. I don't mind that at all.
I don't know. Tonight I'm kind of in a relaxed mood. I'm looking forward to tomorrow night. Jeff and I are supposed to skype :) Hopefully it actually happens. Not to sound too negative or anything. It's just that well, we never do it. lol. He's out having fun (at least I hope he is, but not too much fun) tonight. I'm sitting home. I guess it's good practice though. I need to get used to not talking to him before bed again. Some habits are just hard to break though.
WOW he's been the subject of like my last 3 posts. I'm in need of something new to talk about. lol. Not much is happening in my life right now though (and trust me I'm not complaining, I like it that way) thus there isn't much to talk about. :)
Maybe I will have more next time... Until then.
Oh ya, I could put away those clothes I've been putting off all week. I truly do hate folding and putting away clothes. Washing them is another story though. I don't mind that at all.
I don't know. Tonight I'm kind of in a relaxed mood. I'm looking forward to tomorrow night. Jeff and I are supposed to skype :) Hopefully it actually happens. Not to sound too negative or anything. It's just that well, we never do it. lol. He's out having fun (at least I hope he is, but not too much fun) tonight. I'm sitting home. I guess it's good practice though. I need to get used to not talking to him before bed again. Some habits are just hard to break though.
WOW he's been the subject of like my last 3 posts. I'm in need of something new to talk about. lol. Not much is happening in my life right now though (and trust me I'm not complaining, I like it that way) thus there isn't much to talk about. :)
Maybe I will have more next time... Until then.
Love The Way You Lie
Today's song of the day is...
Really HOT. LOL
Love the way you lie by Eminem and Rhianna
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U
Really HOT. LOL
Love the way you lie by Eminem and Rhianna
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I Need You Now
Today kind of sucks. It wasn't a bad day at all. I feel very confident about my Spanish test. I got my last quiz back today and got a 100% on it! Yay! My next test to conquer is on Wednesday. It should be pretty easy though because it's in my computer class which is basically a review from high school.
Back on subject now... today sucks because it's one of those days where I miss Jeff a lot! I don't know what triggered it or why, but I just miss him. It really isn't any fun because he's been so busy this week and we haven't been able to talk much. That isn't really that bad because I knew very well that this would be a very busy month for him. I think theh only reason I'm even thinking twice about it is because of everything that's coming up soon. Haha, it may sound stupid but if everything were back to normal this would all be a hell of a lot easier. That's too complicated and long for me to explain in here though. Plus well, I have to keep some stuff personal. lol.
Ok, I'm done. If I keep going on then it's just going to get emotional and I've been doing really well with not being emotional.
Back on subject now... today sucks because it's one of those days where I miss Jeff a lot! I don't know what triggered it or why, but I just miss him. It really isn't any fun because he's been so busy this week and we haven't been able to talk much. That isn't really that bad because I knew very well that this would be a very busy month for him. I think theh only reason I'm even thinking twice about it is because of everything that's coming up soon. Haha, it may sound stupid but if everything were back to normal this would all be a hell of a lot easier. That's too complicated and long for me to explain in here though. Plus well, I have to keep some stuff personal. lol.
Ok, I'm done. If I keep going on then it's just going to get emotional and I've been doing really well with not being emotional.
Failure of a Picture
I had a picture I really liked but when I went to put it on here it was too small to read the words. :(
Basically it was a line graph of events in a relationship and the amount of stress or calmness you are under during them. It was funny and it made me want to just say that facebook should just get rid of the relationship status. Just sayin. lol
Basically it was a line graph of events in a relationship and the amount of stress or calmness you are under during them. It was funny and it made me want to just say that facebook should just get rid of the relationship status. Just sayin. lol
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Making Room for New
Today is one of those days where I want to just bare my thoughts and feelings and let them all out. I'm not stressing over anything that I say today, it's just time to get it all out so I can make room for new stuff. lol. What I am stressing about though, is the amount of clothes I have to put away. Why do I always do ALL of my laundry at once?
It feels so weird to write about some of the stuff that I used to write about on a daily basis. I mean, I'm not about to sound all obsessed again, I'm past that now. I'm not going to be crying while I write or write about crying. Oh man, do I have anything left that I can write about?? haha.
The last week or so has been really great. Everything that's gone on between us has made me feel really good. Today though, I just have that bad feeling. My chest is tight and something doesn't seem right. I don't what would lead me to feeling like this. There really hasn't been anything to point me in this direction. Maybe it's not related to us but to my spanish test tomorrow. I'm not sure.
Back on a happier note though. I didn't know how I would feel when things started to seem normal between us again. Right now, I'm worried that I'm being a bit annoying and needy. I'm not meaning to at all. To me, the closer I can pull him in and have him around then more likely we'll continue on the track we are on now. I'm pretty sure though, that it'd be quite the opposite. The best news for that is that soon I won't be able to text him and expect instant answers. It will be the reality check that I think I'm in need of. But then again, for all that I know this could all just be me. I could be thinking into it way too much and am not really being needy or annoying at all. I suppose it's something I should ask.
I may not feel 100% better after writing blogs like this one but I do feel better. Just getting this stuff out at all makes it better. I can let all of my emotions out in here and not be an emotional time bomb in real life. By the way, today I'm in a blogging mood so I'm sure I'll write again before bed. Who knows, maybe I'll have good news to share? Or maybe I won't...
It feels so weird to write about some of the stuff that I used to write about on a daily basis. I mean, I'm not about to sound all obsessed again, I'm past that now. I'm not going to be crying while I write or write about crying. Oh man, do I have anything left that I can write about?? haha.
The last week or so has been really great. Everything that's gone on between us has made me feel really good. Today though, I just have that bad feeling. My chest is tight and something doesn't seem right. I don't what would lead me to feeling like this. There really hasn't been anything to point me in this direction. Maybe it's not related to us but to my spanish test tomorrow. I'm not sure.
Back on a happier note though. I didn't know how I would feel when things started to seem normal between us again. Right now, I'm worried that I'm being a bit annoying and needy. I'm not meaning to at all. To me, the closer I can pull him in and have him around then more likely we'll continue on the track we are on now. I'm pretty sure though, that it'd be quite the opposite. The best news for that is that soon I won't be able to text him and expect instant answers. It will be the reality check that I think I'm in need of. But then again, for all that I know this could all just be me. I could be thinking into it way too much and am not really being needy or annoying at all. I suppose it's something I should ask.
I may not feel 100% better after writing blogs like this one but I do feel better. Just getting this stuff out at all makes it better. I can let all of my emotions out in here and not be an emotional time bomb in real life. By the way, today I'm in a blogging mood so I'm sure I'll write again before bed. Who knows, maybe I'll have good news to share? Or maybe I won't...
If I Die Young
I'm going to stop titling them song of the day. I was trying to see if I'd posted this one already and I had to go through all the old ones to find out. lol I'm still not fully convinced. I'm thinking I just skipped over it. Oh well.
Today's song of the day is...
If I Die Young by The Band Perry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM
Today's song of the day is...
If I Die Young by The Band Perry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM
Monday, September 13, 2010
Stalling
I have had no energy today. Well, actually I did in spanish right after I drank my hot chocolate. Anyway, I am in a good mood nontheless. Classes went by fast today. I got a new bra. lol. It's super cute and comfy and under $20. I recommend the Pink push-up bras by VS. Oh, so enough about my bra.
I'm watching Everybody's Fine and I'm sitting here thinking of how much Robert Di Nero reminds me of my Pawpaw. They look a lot of like and even sound somewhat alike. Makes me miss my family back east. I'm ready for the holidays so I can get back there and see them.
By the way, this blog really was me just stalling once more on putting my clothes away. I really just need to do it.
I'm watching Everybody's Fine and I'm sitting here thinking of how much Robert Di Nero reminds me of my Pawpaw. They look a lot of like and even sound somewhat alike. Makes me miss my family back east. I'm ready for the holidays so I can get back there and see them.
By the way, this blog really was me just stalling once more on putting my clothes away. I really just need to do it.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Redskin Poem
It's football season!
Thank heavens too.
I love the game.
Portis
McNabb
and Moss too
Get it together boys
Superbowl here we come.
Beat those Cowboys!
Go Redskins Go!
Thank heavens too.
I love the game.
Portis
McNabb
and Moss too
Get it together boys
Superbowl here we come.
Beat those Cowboys!
Go Redskins Go!
Allergies
Hmm... it's been a while since I've spilled my thoughts and feelings on here. Shall I do it again? I actually don't know. I'm just going to write tonight. If it ends up being important and deep then so be it. I have gotten to the point though where I can spill those thoughts and feelings to someone though.
Right now I'm suffering from allergies. My nose is really itchy and sniffly. lol. It probably sounds like I've been crying. I swear that I haven't. I'm in a really good mood tonight. No particular reason why, but I don't really need one.
I can't seem to gather my thoughts so I'm going to call it quits for this post. No worries though, I have another one in mind already.
Right now I'm suffering from allergies. My nose is really itchy and sniffly. lol. It probably sounds like I've been crying. I swear that I haven't. I'm in a really good mood tonight. No particular reason why, but I don't really need one.
I can't seem to gather my thoughts so I'm going to call it quits for this post. No worries though, I have another one in mind already.
Song of the Day
Today's song is...
Erase My Scars by Evans Blue
I just really like this song and it was on the radio today so... why not? lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bP_zC57IXrE
Erase My Scars by Evans Blue
I just really like this song and it was on the radio today so... why not? lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bP_zC57IXrE
Saturday, September 11, 2010
When The World Stopped Turning
We all remember where we were 9 years ago today. Me, well I was in the 6th grade. It was my first year here in Arkansas. I remember lots of people getting checked out early that day and teachers phones ringing more than usual. It wasn't until the bus ride home though that I found out a bit of what had happened. The older kids had found out in school and were talking about it. When I got home, I turned on Nick for Zan as usual. I'll never forget that it was even scrolling across the bottom of Nick. I called my parents crying and I just couldn't seem to stop. I was only in the 6th grade, but I knew that it was a horrible thing and no good would come from it.
So, where were you on 9/11?
So, where were you on 9/11?
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
To Hear Your Voice
Hello World!
Ok, so more like Hello 4 people who read my blog. lol
I really don't know what I'm going to write about tonight. I kind of just feel like writing. Iwas sick today. I skipped biology to come home and try to sleep it off. Only I got home, ate lunch, and layed down to nap when I got a text from my boss saying that I work today. Oops. Guess I should have checked.
I kind of really wanted to talk to Jeff tonight. Actually, it's more like just wanting to hear his voice. I think it has to do with not feeling well but I'm not sure because I have been missing him a lot recently. It's really late though and I don't think I will hear from him. I could always just hit Robert's, the teddy bear's, arm. It's just not the words I really want to hear.
I have work in the morning. Not til 10, but I guess I should probably still go to bed. Sleep is the best way to recover afterall. I don't know what I have. I'm feeling better so at least I have that going for me. Hopefully I wake up in the morning back to normal. We shall see.
Until Next Time
Ok, so more like Hello 4 people who read my blog. lol
I really don't know what I'm going to write about tonight. I kind of just feel like writing. Iwas sick today. I skipped biology to come home and try to sleep it off. Only I got home, ate lunch, and layed down to nap when I got a text from my boss saying that I work today. Oops. Guess I should have checked.
I kind of really wanted to talk to Jeff tonight. Actually, it's more like just wanting to hear his voice. I think it has to do with not feeling well but I'm not sure because I have been missing him a lot recently. It's really late though and I don't think I will hear from him. I could always just hit Robert's, the teddy bear's, arm. It's just not the words I really want to hear.
I have work in the morning. Not til 10, but I guess I should probably still go to bed. Sleep is the best way to recover afterall. I don't know what I have. I'm feeling better so at least I have that going for me. Hopefully I wake up in the morning back to normal. We shall see.
Until Next Time
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Something Sweet
Today was an overall good day. Biology was boring but that's really my only complaint for the day. Jeff was right though, he did make my day today last night. :) He was on my mind all day. It's been a while since that had happened. It was a nice change of pace.
Every time he texts me with something sweet, I feel like a little school girl again. I get all giddy and smile just like crushing. I love it. lol
Right now, I don't have much to say. Nothing major happened today and hopefully nothing major will happen tomorrow. I'd like a nice, normal week. I'll even take a few surprises as long as they are good and don't throw out a lot of stress.
Oh I did paint my finger and toe nails today. Lady Lucky! It's a matte green (I didn't know it was a matte when I bought it though). I'm just rambling now so I guess it's time to wrap it up.
Until Next Time.
Every time he texts me with something sweet, I feel like a little school girl again. I get all giddy and smile just like crushing. I love it. lol
Right now, I don't have much to say. Nothing major happened today and hopefully nothing major will happen tomorrow. I'd like a nice, normal week. I'll even take a few surprises as long as they are good and don't throw out a lot of stress.
Oh I did paint my finger and toe nails today. Lady Lucky! It's a matte green (I didn't know it was a matte when I bought it though). I'm just rambling now so I guess it's time to wrap it up.
Until Next Time.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Song of the Day
Today's song is...
He Better Be Dead by Stealing Angels
It's been on the radio recently and always gets stuck in my head after. Thought I'd share and let it be stuck in your head for a bit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeHJfQ9wPXI
He Better Be Dead by Stealing Angels
It's been on the radio recently and always gets stuck in my head after. Thought I'd share and let it be stuck in your head for a bit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeHJfQ9wPXI
Lovely Day, Work, and Curls
What a beautiful day it is. Windy, sunny, and not in the 100's. And I just got called into work :(.
Oh well though, it is money and this is going to be a very small paycheck.
For now though, I'm eating more breakfast. Then it's off to wash some dishes and I want to try to curl my hair. Why, I don't know because it's about to be thrown into a pony tail. lol. Just for fun I guess. :)
Oh well though, it is money and this is going to be a very small paycheck.
For now though, I'm eating more breakfast. Then it's off to wash some dishes and I want to try to curl my hair. Why, I don't know because it's about to be thrown into a pony tail. lol. Just for fun I guess. :)
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Fucked Up
I think I may have fucked up big time. To me it seemed harmless, but now I can see how it could look bad.
The Beach
I took this picture 2 years ago at Grayton Beach, FL. It was on the pathway from A-Typical (the house we were staying in) to the beach. This is where I'd LOVE to be right now.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Song of the Day
It's been a while since I had a song of the day.
Today's song is...
Asylum by Disturbed
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1K9jBL2syJ8
Today's song is...
Asylum by Disturbed
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1K9jBL2syJ8
Always a Positive
Today was a pretty good day. Work went by relatively fast and I got an extra hour in. It was A LOT busier than it was supposed to be though. Chelsea and I were not prepared. Hopefully tomorrow will be different. Neither one of us likes it when it's super busy, although it does help the time go by a lot faster. Always a positive to every negative right (me trying to be more positive. lol)? :)
Then, I came home and ate my sandwich. I watched the last episode in season 2 of True Blood. OMG!!! It was an intense episode! I think I'm in love with it though. I just want to see season 3 already. Is that the current season by any chance? Am I going to have to wait forever for it to come out on DVD?? Oh I hope not. lol.
After that I went to the movies. I went and saw the movie "Going the Distance" thanks to the recommendation of a friend. It really was a great movie. It just wasn't a movie for me to see by myself. At one point I wanted to yell at the screen and walk out! You can have a fucking relationship seeing each other only every 3 months!!!!!!!!!!! Ah it feels better now that I got it out. Thanks.
I went to walmart after the movie, then came home and made a quesidilla for dinner and got ready for friends to come over tomorrow night. It's going to be fun tomorrow. I can't wait to get off work and be able to come home and relax all evening with good friends.
Then, I came home and ate my sandwich. I watched the last episode in season 2 of True Blood. OMG!!! It was an intense episode! I think I'm in love with it though. I just want to see season 3 already. Is that the current season by any chance? Am I going to have to wait forever for it to come out on DVD?? Oh I hope not. lol.
After that I went to the movies. I went and saw the movie "Going the Distance" thanks to the recommendation of a friend. It really was a great movie. It just wasn't a movie for me to see by myself. At one point I wanted to yell at the screen and walk out! You can have a fucking relationship seeing each other only every 3 months!!!!!!!!!!! Ah it feels better now that I got it out. Thanks.
I went to walmart after the movie, then came home and made a quesidilla for dinner and got ready for friends to come over tomorrow night. It's going to be fun tomorrow. I can't wait to get off work and be able to come home and relax all evening with good friends.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Lookin' Sexy
What a day. I got up early, straightened my hair, did my make-up, and got dressed up super cute. I love skinny jeans now. I want more of them. I think I'm going to search for more this weekend. Oh ya, another reason to make today a good day... it was payday! I didn't even bother figuring out how much I would get because I thought it wouldn't be a lot. I love when it's more than I think it's going to be.
School was really boring, but I think I was just ready for the weekend to start already. I'm hoping my concentration comes back next week. Woohoo for a short week by the way! I'm ready for it. I offered to take an open shift on Monday because I wanted the hours, I was told today not to come in but to just be on stand by because last labor day was really slow. So now I actually get a day off from school and work. Let me tell you, I am already looking forward to sleeping in. :) lol
Now, I'm watching True Blood. Thanks Jeff for getting me addicted. This is my 3rd episode today and well, I only wanted to watch 2. It's ok though, I downloaded South Park season 12 so I still have something to keep me busy this weekend.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Lack of Hours
Don't take this as me just bitching and complaining. I mean I know that it kind of is, but I have my reasons.
I told my boss to work me this weekend. That my family was going out of town and when I'm not working I'll just be sitting around the house doing nothing. She told me she would most def get me the hours. I went in today to check my schedule and I have 15 hours is all. :( Normally, I would be very happy with that just not this weekend. I am able to pick up up to 3 more hours on Monday. It's supposed to be slow though and she already warned me she'll probably send me home early.
If I had more money, I'd be pretty happy with this. I'd just spend the time off going to movies and maybe driving down to Devils Den to hike. I may still go to the movies once and will just have to live with Tanyard Creek Trail. There's a way to compromise. A way to figure out how to still get what you want and be happy. I'm learning how to be like that. I'm trying to see the positive in stuff more. Right now, I still think of the bad first but a little later the good does come to me. :)
I told my boss to work me this weekend. That my family was going out of town and when I'm not working I'll just be sitting around the house doing nothing. She told me she would most def get me the hours. I went in today to check my schedule and I have 15 hours is all. :( Normally, I would be very happy with that just not this weekend. I am able to pick up up to 3 more hours on Monday. It's supposed to be slow though and she already warned me she'll probably send me home early.
If I had more money, I'd be pretty happy with this. I'd just spend the time off going to movies and maybe driving down to Devils Den to hike. I may still go to the movies once and will just have to live with Tanyard Creek Trail. There's a way to compromise. A way to figure out how to still get what you want and be happy. I'm learning how to be like that. I'm trying to see the positive in stuff more. Right now, I still think of the bad first but a little later the good does come to me. :)
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Song of the Day
Today's song is...
How You Remind Me by Nickelback
No real reason, I just went to search for a video and decided I wanted a Nickelback one. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cQh1ccqu8M
How You Remind Me by Nickelback
No real reason, I just went to search for a video and decided I wanted a Nickelback one. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cQh1ccqu8M
I Get A Little Bit Stronger
So no, the week didn't go how I had thought it would. Then again though, when does anything ever go how I think it will? Does it make me sad? A little, but it's my own fault. lol I've allowed myself an alloted amount of time to feel this way though. I know that I need to be strong. I need to learn to control my emotions. I need to continue to mature. I can't take a step back from the progress that I've made. If I want this to work then I need to do my part and all I can expect is for him to do his.
We need to continue to work on our communication. We also need to continue to work on our relationship. We can't just sit back and not talk about things. If we continue to do that then we'll never get back to where we were. And that's all I want. I want it to be where we were right before things started getting bad. I was really happy with us then. Where we were and where we were headed. I had great things to look forward to, to plan and research for.
For now, I need to figure out these next few days. I need to figure out how to get used to being at home in the evenings. Not going to see him every night. Not knowing that for once he's just down the road instead of a thousand miles away. It's all about routine. About getting back on a schedule. Knowing that right around 9 I'll get a phone call. Knowing that if I text him after 1 I have more of a chance of getting a response quickly. It's the same as that first week or so when he is underway. It's all about knowing when I'll hear from him, that helps me make it til that time. :)
That all probably sounds really sad and sure, I am sad but it had been 7 months and no matter how much I want to believe it won't be another 7 months, I can't help but think that it will be. I think though it's kind of like when I guy does something to you that hurts you and it takes someone proving that they won't do that to you for you to believe it won't always happen. I know that sounds stupid to compare something as simple as seeing someone to that but unless you've been in my shoes you have no idea how hard it can be and how much you miss that person. There are days when you want nothing more than to be in their arms, it's not everyday but it does happen.
Blogging probably isn't the right place to put all of this. If I don't get it out somewhere though then I know it will just build up and will all come out at once. I'm trying different things to relieve my stress and anxiety. For now, this is what I'm trying.
We need to continue to work on our communication. We also need to continue to work on our relationship. We can't just sit back and not talk about things. If we continue to do that then we'll never get back to where we were. And that's all I want. I want it to be where we were right before things started getting bad. I was really happy with us then. Where we were and where we were headed. I had great things to look forward to, to plan and research for.
For now, I need to figure out these next few days. I need to figure out how to get used to being at home in the evenings. Not going to see him every night. Not knowing that for once he's just down the road instead of a thousand miles away. It's all about routine. About getting back on a schedule. Knowing that right around 9 I'll get a phone call. Knowing that if I text him after 1 I have more of a chance of getting a response quickly. It's the same as that first week or so when he is underway. It's all about knowing when I'll hear from him, that helps me make it til that time. :)
That all probably sounds really sad and sure, I am sad but it had been 7 months and no matter how much I want to believe it won't be another 7 months, I can't help but think that it will be. I think though it's kind of like when I guy does something to you that hurts you and it takes someone proving that they won't do that to you for you to believe it won't always happen. I know that sounds stupid to compare something as simple as seeing someone to that but unless you've been in my shoes you have no idea how hard it can be and how much you miss that person. There are days when you want nothing more than to be in their arms, it's not everyday but it does happen.
Blogging probably isn't the right place to put all of this. If I don't get it out somewhere though then I know it will just build up and will all come out at once. I'm trying different things to relieve my stress and anxiety. For now, this is what I'm trying.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Song of the Day
Today's song of the day is...
True Blood Theme Song - Jace Everett
Jeff has officially gotten me addicted to True Blood. He's getting me season 2 tonight and I'm really excited! I just finished up season 1 a couple of hours ago. SO GOOD!
True Blood Theme Song - Jace Everett
Jeff has officially gotten me addicted to True Blood. He's getting me season 2 tonight and I'm really excited! I just finished up season 1 a couple of hours ago. SO GOOD!
Progress
Well, it has been a great 10 days. I'm just sad that it's pretty much over. Even though it didn't go how I thought it would, I'm still really happy and feel good. It's been 10 days of little sleep, traveling back and forth between his house, waiting to see him, and lots of great memories. I really hope that we are able to work things out in the morning and I get to take him to the airport tomorrow.
I got upset tonight when I found out we had some miscommunication and someone else is taking him. I shouldn't have gotten upset, but I did. At least I realized afterward that it was stupid and that I overreacted. I personally think that's a step in the right direction. Before I would have just come inside and still been sad and upset. Tonight I was just mad I had let myself get that way. Baby steps, but at least they are in the right direction. It's hard to correct 20 years of overreacting overnight. It's taking time and I just hope I can keep it up and maybe move forward at a faster pace. Progress. :)
I got upset tonight when I found out we had some miscommunication and someone else is taking him. I shouldn't have gotten upset, but I did. At least I realized afterward that it was stupid and that I overreacted. I personally think that's a step in the right direction. Before I would have just come inside and still been sad and upset. Tonight I was just mad I had let myself get that way. Baby steps, but at least they are in the right direction. It's hard to correct 20 years of overreacting overnight. It's taking time and I just hope I can keep it up and maybe move forward at a faster pace. Progress. :)
Friday, August 27, 2010
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