I wish that you could understand what I'm going through. I wish that you knew just how I felt. You don't though. You don't because we are still yet to talk about it. So, once again I get to spend 5 hours alone at work tomorrow thinking about it all. Letting my head fill up with these stupid thoughts that I can't seem to help. There is so mug that I want to tell you, that I just need to get off of my chest for my sake. When I (if) I finally get the chance to though, will I? Or will it be another time that I just say the stuff that I think won't make you made. If I can't have you in my life the way that I used to then I at least need to still be friends. I don't know what I would do without that. You've been my best friend for 4 years.
It's funny because I really thought that I was doing better. Two nights ago though, I had a dream that made me realize that subconsciously, I'm not. I think I've figured out what I need to get better, I just can't seem to find it. I thought I had, but was quickly proven wrong and was dropped. Then, once more and I realized what a stupid mistake that would be. Lol and now, I may have but it's different this time because I don't know. So if I can't have you then this is what I need.
Now I lay here in bed, once again unable to sleep. Once again, in a sense, being stood up. Once again, alone.
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