Thursday, September 30, 2010

Who Wins?

Bored and hungry

Currently I'm sitting in biology bored to death and hungry. Somebody save me!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Going In Blind P.O.D.

Today's song is...

Going In Blind by P.O.D.
I heard it the other day and loved it but couldn't remember the name so it had to wait til I could.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWo572wyWc4

Time Machine


Just to Get it Out

I don't understand at all. I don't understand how it can go from seeming so good. Like we were ok. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't what I can do.
I suppose here we are again. Back to one of those I miss you so much and don't understand. So I don't know what else to do besides blog. How can someone go from being so sweet one day, so caring to not knowing who to choose? How on earth can you not see what you're doing? You want her for the unknown basically. When you sit there and name 10 things about me that I would give anything to find in someone of the opposite sex? Characteristics that you rarely seem to find all in one person anymore. Obviously you have to be bored with me. But if that's the case then what, in a year won't the same thing happen with someone else? I mean it's another long distance relationship. I give it my all. I treat you better than I probably should.
Someone said to me that if you truly cared for or ever loved me then why would I be in this position? I don't think that you get it. I told you that everyone has these choices at some point. Everyone is faced with the what if I had done _____? or what if I had gone out with ______? Eventually you forget about it. You go with one and you give it your 100%, you never look back. If you do, then all you're going to ever have are regrets. You can't live with being obsessed with the what if situations because there are a million of them and they'll always be there. Anything can be turned into one. So stop it! Stop being such an idiot and choose. I can't take it anymore. The everyday battle with myself. Trying not to get attached again just in case you choose her and leave me. Trying not to think about the fact that you could call me tonight saying that we're really through now and that our break is over and isn't ending how I had hoped it would.
I don't want it to at all though. You've been my friend for 4 years and we've dated for 2. I can tell you anything and you know EVERYTHING about me. I swear I think you even understand what I mean when I don't understand it myself. So there it is. My vent. Stuff I said to you last night and things that I've thought of from venting to friends. I don't want to be mad at you forever. I just want to be able to be Sam and Jeff again. I want to be able to smile and laugh when I talk to you, spoil you with care packages, and hear about your day. I want you to choose me for me though. I don't want to be in this same position in a few months. Don't ask me why, but for some crazy reason I still miss you and I still want you. After all I've been through the last couple of months that seems to surprise everyone, including myself at times.
I know this was all kind of pointless since you won't see it, but at least it's out there now.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Home

Oh why, Oh why must I miss you so?
I can't wait to see you again,
Even if it will only be for a couple of days
I'd gladly take that over not all.

Now you just need to hurry home. :)

Friday, September 24, 2010

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I wrote this in Bio and am posting it now

It's been a busy past few days. I haven't been on here much and when I have been it's been from my phone or a school computer. Currently, I'm in biology. I have completely lost interest. I blame the instructor for telling us he was going to give us every question on the test in class on Thursday. He also said he didn't expect any of us to get today's lecture. So as I look around there are 2 people that are asleep, 1 person drawing, and 5 or 6 people on their phones.
I really didn't want to get up this morning. I almost fell back to sleep after my second alarm. I wish I could have, but I have Friday off of work so hopefully I will sleep in then. Psychology was soooo boring. He freaked me out by talking about his tests (which we have the first one of on Thursday). We are graded against each other. Every question is made so only 50% of the students gets it right. OMG someone help me!! Ratemyprofessor.com made him seem really easy and fun. Haha, whatever!!
Biology is always boring. I've tried every trick in the book to make myself pay attention. So far, no luck. I'm sure part of it is that this is my second time taking the class. I'll make it through it though. At least I know the majority of people end up with an 'A' in his class and I'm not competeing against everyone else.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Bored and Hungry

Good Morning!
I'm sitting in my computer class incredibly bored right now. We're going over a pretest for our test on Wednesday. I already got a 95% on it and we went over the questions I missed so now I have nothing to do. Well, nothing but blog of course. Oh and facebook and email Jeff. lol. What I really want is to get out of here so I can run across the street before my next class and get some food. I'm hungry.
I had a pretty good weekend. I saw the movie Easy A on Friday and went bowling with friends yesterday.
I think I may be getting ready to leave class. Woot Woot!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

No Chickening Out

Hello! I barely slept a wink last night but I'm still in a great mood.
I'd like to be the first to admit that I am 20 years old and am far from knowing everything. I have a lot to learn about everything, including myself still. I think that people are constantly changing and even at my age it isn't quite determined who I will be (boy my psych teacher would disagree).
So now let me surprise you all, much as I surprised myself... I got my belly button pierced today. For real, no chickening out this time!

Friday, September 17, 2010

I'm really the master of not doing well to show how I've changed. I really have but when you throw in everything else I'm still working on it. It's a different kind of strong. A strong I don't have to be all of the time so I don't have as much experience with dealing with it. Each time I get better, I truly do. I still have a ways to go though. So just give me the chance to prove that it is something that I can do. I'm realizing my mistakes now, which is more than I used to do. Now I just need to never let myself make those mistakes. I got clingy. So what? It's not as bad as it used to be and it won't get worse.
It may not be for a long time but it is for some time. I may not freak out about it as usual. All I want to do though is talk while we can. I want a lot more actually but for now we'll just work with this. Lol
Haha wow, I haven't written a blog like this in a while. At least this time, it's about me and not a love-crazed, can't-live-without-you me. Like I said, I really am changing and I don't think you've seen or realized it all yet. :)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Not Sleepy Yet

I haven't written a blog this late at night in quite a while. I'm not really tired yet so what better thing to do? lol
Oh ya, I could put away those clothes I've been putting off all week. I truly do hate folding and putting away clothes. Washing them is another story though. I don't mind that at all.
I don't know. Tonight I'm kind of in a relaxed mood. I'm looking forward to tomorrow night. Jeff and I are supposed to skype :) Hopefully it actually happens. Not to sound too negative or anything. It's just that well, we never do it. lol. He's out having fun (at least I hope he is, but not too much fun) tonight. I'm sitting home. I guess it's good practice though. I need to get used to not talking to him before bed again. Some habits are just hard to break though.
WOW he's been the subject of like my last 3 posts. I'm in need of something new to talk about. lol. Not much is happening in my life right now though (and trust me I'm not complaining, I like it that way) thus there isn't much to talk about. :)
Maybe I will have more next time... Until then.

Love The Way You Lie

Today's song of the day is...
Really HOT. LOL

Love the way you lie by Eminem and Rhianna
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I Need You Now

Today kind of sucks. It wasn't a bad day at all. I feel very confident about my Spanish test. I got my last quiz back today and got a 100% on it! Yay! My next test to conquer is on Wednesday. It should be pretty easy though because it's in my computer class which is basically a review from high school.
Back on subject now... today sucks because it's one of those days where I miss Jeff a lot! I don't know what triggered it or why, but I just miss him. It really isn't any fun because he's been so busy this week and we haven't been able to talk much. That isn't really that bad because I knew very well that this would be a very busy month for him. I think theh only reason I'm even thinking twice about it is because of everything that's coming up soon. Haha, it may sound stupid but if everything were back to normal this would all be a hell of a lot easier. That's too complicated and long for me to explain in here though. Plus well, I have to keep some stuff personal. lol.
Ok, I'm done. If I keep going on then it's just going to get emotional and I've been doing really well with not being emotional.

Failure of a Picture

I had a picture I really liked but when I went to put it on here it was too small to read the words. :(
Basically it was a line graph of events in a relationship and the amount of stress or calmness you are under during them. It was funny and it made me want to just say that facebook should just get rid of the relationship status. Just sayin. lol

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Making Room for New

Today is one of those days where I want to just bare my thoughts and feelings and let them all out. I'm not stressing over anything that I say today, it's just time to get it all out so I can make room for new stuff. lol. What I am stressing about though, is the amount of clothes I have to put away. Why do I always do ALL of my laundry at once?
It feels so weird to write about some of the stuff that I used to write about on a daily basis. I mean, I'm not about to sound all obsessed again, I'm past that now. I'm not going to be crying while I write or write about crying. Oh man, do I have anything left that I can write about?? haha.
The last week or so has been really great. Everything that's gone on between us has made me feel really good. Today though, I just have that bad feeling. My chest is tight and something doesn't seem right. I don't what would lead me to feeling like this. There really hasn't been anything to point me in this direction. Maybe it's not related to us but to my spanish test tomorrow. I'm not sure.
Back on a happier note though. I didn't know how I would feel when things started to seem normal between us again. Right now, I'm worried that I'm being a bit annoying and needy. I'm not meaning to at all. To me, the closer I can pull him in and have him around then more likely we'll continue on the track we are on now. I'm pretty sure though, that it'd be quite the opposite. The best news for that is that soon I won't be able to text him and expect instant answers. It will be the reality check that I think I'm in need of. But then again, for all that I know this could all just be me. I could be thinking into it way too much and am not really being needy or annoying at all. I suppose it's something I should ask.
I may not feel 100% better after writing blogs like this one but I do feel better. Just getting this stuff out at all makes it better. I can let all of my emotions out in here and not be an emotional time bomb in real life. By the way, today I'm in a blogging mood so I'm sure I'll write again before bed. Who knows, maybe I'll have good news to share? Or maybe I won't...

Fat Princesses


If I Die Young

I'm going to stop titling them song of the day. I was trying to see if I'd posted this one already and I had to go through all the old ones to find out. lol I'm still not fully convinced. I'm thinking I just skipped over it. Oh well.

Today's song of the day is...

If I Die Young by The Band Perry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM

Monday, September 13, 2010

Stalling

I have had no energy today. Well, actually I did in spanish right after I drank my hot chocolate. Anyway, I am in a good mood nontheless. Classes went by fast today. I got a new bra. lol. It's super cute and comfy and under $20. I recommend the Pink push-up bras by VS. Oh, so enough about my bra.
I'm watching Everybody's Fine and I'm sitting here thinking of how much Robert Di Nero reminds me of my Pawpaw. They look a lot of like and even sound somewhat alike. Makes me miss my family back east. I'm ready for the holidays so I can get back there and see them.
By the way, this blog really was me just stalling once more on putting my clothes away. I really just need to do it.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Redskin Poem

It's football season!
Thank heavens too.
I love the game.

Portis
McNabb
and Moss too

Get it together boys
Superbowl here we come.
Beat those Cowboys!

Go Redskins Go!

Allergies

Hmm... it's been a while since I've spilled my thoughts and feelings on here. Shall I do it again? I actually don't know. I'm just going to write tonight. If it ends up being important and deep then so be it. I have gotten to the point though where I can spill those thoughts and feelings to someone though.
Right now I'm suffering from allergies. My nose is really itchy and sniffly. lol. It probably sounds like I've been crying. I swear that I haven't. I'm in a really good mood tonight. No particular reason why, but I don't really need one.
I can't seem to gather my thoughts so I'm going to call it quits for this post. No worries though, I have another one in mind already.

Song of the Day

Today's song is...

Erase My Scars by Evans Blue
I just really like this song and it was on the radio today so... why not? lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bP_zC57IXrE

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Dear Me


When The World Stopped Turning

We all remember where we were 9 years ago today. Me, well I was in the 6th grade. It was my first year here in Arkansas. I remember lots of people getting checked out early that day and teachers phones ringing more than usual. It wasn't until the bus ride home though that I found out a bit of what had happened. The older kids had found out in school and were talking about it. When I got home, I turned on Nick for Zan as usual. I'll never forget that it was even scrolling across the bottom of Nick. I called my parents crying and I just couldn't seem to stop. I was only in the 6th grade, but I knew that it was a horrible thing and no good would come from it.
So, where were you on 9/11?

Friday, September 10, 2010

Thursday, September 9, 2010

To Hear Your Voice

Hello World!
Ok, so more like Hello 4 people who read my blog. lol
I really don't know what I'm going to write about tonight. I kind of just feel like writing. Iwas sick today. I skipped biology to come home and try to sleep it off. Only I got home, ate lunch, and layed down to nap when I got a text from my boss saying that I work today. Oops. Guess I should have checked.
I kind of really wanted to talk to Jeff tonight. Actually, it's more like just wanting to hear his voice. I think it has to do with not feeling well but I'm not sure because I have been missing him a lot recently. It's really late though and I don't think I will hear from him. I could always just hit Robert's, the teddy bear's, arm. It's just not the words I really want to hear.
I have work in the morning. Not til 10, but I guess I should probably still go to bed. Sleep is the best way to recover afterall. I don't know what I have. I'm feeling better so at least I have that going for me. Hopefully I wake up in the morning back to normal. We shall see.
Until Next Time

Religion


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

iNinja


Something Sweet

Today was an overall good day. Biology was boring but that's really my only complaint for the day. Jeff was right though, he did make my day today last night. :) He was on my mind all day. It's been a while since that had happened. It was a nice change of pace.
Every time he texts me with something sweet, I feel like a little school girl again. I get all giddy and smile just like crushing. I love it. lol
Right now, I don't have much to say. Nothing major happened today and hopefully nothing major will happen tomorrow. I'd like a nice, normal week. I'll even take a few surprises as long as they are good and don't throw out a lot of stress.
Oh I did paint my finger and toe nails today. Lady Lucky! It's a matte green (I didn't know it was a matte when I bought it though). I'm just rambling now so I guess it's time to wrap it up.
Until Next Time.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Song of the Day

Today's song is...

He Better Be Dead by Stealing Angels
It's been on the radio recently and always gets stuck in my head after. Thought I'd share and let it be stuck in your head for a bit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeHJfQ9wPXI

Duck Fail


Lovely Day, Work, and Curls

What a beautiful day it is. Windy, sunny, and not in the 100's. And I just got called into work :(.
Oh well though, it is money and this is going to be a very small paycheck.
For now though, I'm eating more breakfast. Then it's off to wash some dishes and I want to try to curl my hair. Why, I don't know because it's about to be thrown into a pony tail. lol. Just for fun I guess. :)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Fucked Up

I think I may have fucked up big time. To me it seemed harmless, but now I can see how it could look bad.

The Beach

I took this picture 2 years ago at Grayton Beach, FL. It was on the pathway from A-Typical (the house we were staying in) to the beach. This is where I'd LOVE to be right now.


Saturday, September 4, 2010

Song of the Day

It's been a while since I had a song of the day.
Today's song is...

Asylum by Disturbed
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1K9jBL2syJ8

Camo


Always a Positive

Today was a pretty good day. Work went by relatively fast and I got an extra hour in. It was A LOT busier than it was supposed to be though. Chelsea and I were not prepared. Hopefully tomorrow will be different. Neither one of us likes it when it's super busy, although it does help the time go by a lot faster. Always a positive to every negative right (me trying to be more positive. lol)? :)
Then, I came home and ate my sandwich. I watched the last episode in season 2 of True Blood. OMG!!! It was an intense episode! I think I'm in love with it though. I just want to see season 3 already. Is that the current season by any chance? Am I going to have to wait forever for it to come out on DVD?? Oh I hope not. lol.
After that I went to the movies. I went and saw the movie "Going the Distance" thanks to the recommendation of a friend. It really was a great movie. It just wasn't a movie for me to see by myself. At one point I wanted to yell at the screen and walk out! You can have a fucking relationship seeing each other only every 3 months!!!!!!!!!!! Ah it feels better now that I got it out. Thanks.
I went to walmart after the movie, then came home and made a quesidilla for dinner and got ready for friends to come over tomorrow night. It's going to be fun tomorrow. I can't wait to get off work and be able to come home and relax all evening with good friends.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Lookin' Sexy

What a day. I got up early, straightened my hair, did my make-up, and got dressed up super cute. I love skinny jeans now. I want more of them. I think I'm going to search for more this weekend. Oh ya, another reason to make today a good day... it was payday! I didn't even bother figuring out how much I would get because I thought it wouldn't be a lot. I love when it's more than I think it's going to be.
School was really boring, but I think I was just ready for the weekend to start already. I'm hoping my concentration comes back next week. Woohoo for a short week by the way! I'm ready for it. I offered to take an open shift on Monday because I wanted the hours, I was told today not to come in but to just be on stand by because last labor day was really slow. So now I actually get a day off from school and work. Let me tell you, I am already looking forward to sleeping in. :) lol
Now, I'm watching True Blood. Thanks Jeff for getting me addicted. This is my 3rd episode today and well, I only wanted to watch 2. It's ok though, I downloaded South Park season 12 so I still have something to keep me busy this weekend.