Just to Get it Out

I don't understand at all. I don't understand how it can go from seeming so good. Like we were ok. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't what I can do.
I suppose here we are again. Back to one of those I miss you so much and don't understand. So I don't know what else to do besides blog. How can someone go from being so sweet one day, so caring to not knowing who to choose? How on earth can you not see what you're doing? You want her for the unknown basically. When you sit there and name 10 things about me that I would give anything to find in someone of the opposite sex? Characteristics that you rarely seem to find all in one person anymore. Obviously you have to be bored with me. But if that's the case then what, in a year won't the same thing happen with someone else? I mean it's another long distance relationship. I give it my all. I treat you better than I probably should.
Someone said to me that if you truly cared for or ever loved me then why would I be in this position? I don't think that you get it. I told you that everyone has these choices at some point. Everyone is faced with the what if I had done _____? or what if I had gone out with ______? Eventually you forget about it. You go with one and you give it your 100%, you never look back. If you do, then all you're going to ever have are regrets. You can't live with being obsessed with the what if situations because there are a million of them and they'll always be there. Anything can be turned into one. So stop it! Stop being such an idiot and choose. I can't take it anymore. The everyday battle with myself. Trying not to get attached again just in case you choose her and leave me. Trying not to think about the fact that you could call me tonight saying that we're really through now and that our break is over and isn't ending how I had hoped it would.
I don't want it to at all though. You've been my friend for 4 years and we've dated for 2. I can tell you anything and you know EVERYTHING about me. I swear I think you even understand what I mean when I don't understand it myself. So there it is. My vent. Stuff I said to you last night and things that I've thought of from venting to friends. I don't want to be mad at you forever. I just want to be able to be Sam and Jeff again. I want to be able to smile and laugh when I talk to you, spoil you with care packages, and hear about your day. I want you to choose me for me though. I don't want to be in this same position in a few months. Don't ask me why, but for some crazy reason I still miss you and I still want you. After all I've been through the last couple of months that seems to surprise everyone, including myself at times.
I know this was all kind of pointless since you won't see it, but at least it's out there now.