Dumbledore

Dumbledore was my cat. I got him 9 years ago. We had gone to visit family in Ohio and my aunt's cat had had a bunch of kittens. I fell in love with one. At first we were going to call him Popcorn because, well he loved popcorn. On the long drive back to Arkansas we decided on the name Dumbledore and started to get to know his personality. Boy did he have a personality. He was incredibly mean and evil to put it frankly. From the start, he was my cat. I loved him most and he tolerated me the most. It was a rough first couple of weeks. We quickly learned that for our safety he needed to be declawed. He loved to come into my room in the middle of the night and attack my head... with his claws out. He was a decent bed buddy. He did have a tendency to stretch out and dig his claws into my back to take over my bed though.

Sure, he got on our nerves sometimes. Like when he would rub up against us when we had on dark clothes. He had his quirks though. Who doesn't?

Recently though, Dumbles had been peeing all in the pantry where his litter box was. He would go right in front of his box even. We changed litters, scooped it more often, did everything we could think of. Everyone was getting tired of it, especially mom who always cleaned it up. So this morning, dad took him to the vet to find out why he was doing it. Dumbledore was suffering from kidney failure and had to be put down.

RIP Dumbledore

Sept. 2001-October 2010

Early

Good morning. It's early. I'd rather be jn bed but since I have no one to cuddle with and someone has to be up this early it had might as well be me. Lol
Have a great day everyone!

Elementary School

So today on my way home from walmart and the bank, I got stuck behind the elementary school bus. Didn't bother me because I wasn't in any hurry. The 2nd stop the bus made a little girl got off. I can only assume she was in Kindergarten because she was so tiny. Her backpack was pretty much as big as she was. It really made me smile. She was so excited to be getting off of that bus and to get home.
At the next stop, a bunch of girls (probably in 3rd or 4th grade) got off. They all had slippers on and one was carrying a sleeping bag. I remember those days. I never got to take a sleeping bag to class but I remember pajama and slipper days.
What were your favorite "special" days when you were in grade school?
Mine was probably The Polar Express days. Where we read the Polar Express, got to wear our PJs, and had hot chocolate.

Somewhere With You

Today's song is...

Somewhere With You by Kenny Chesney
This is the type of song that comes on the day I decide to listen to country music. lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JliFxkDcUlE

A Little Good Left

I would like to say that good still does exist in the world. I'm driving to school this morning and a truck carrying lumber had lost some of it. The guy was stopped in the right lane trying to pick it all up. Another guy on a side street stopped to help. He was in a suit but still got out to help. You don't really see that much anymore. Made me smile for sure.

Chili!

Even though I was busier yesterday, today has seemed like a busier day. I'm worn out and going to be early tonight (hopefully)
My chili turned out well. It was really good and I will most definitely be making it again in the future. I was worried while cooking it that I had made too much but there were only about two helpings worth left when I went to put it up. Always a good sign. :)

My Heart

It's crazy how everyday can be so different. Yesterday was normal day. Today, not so much. Today my heart aches. I miss him so much more than usual. I hate it because what can I do? Even blogging about it right now isn't making me feel any better. The only thing that I can think to do is to go make my chili and figure it out later. Lol.
I'm sure I'll blog again later. Probably by then I'll feel different. Maybe I just need to talk it all out. Idk.

'Tis the Season

It's an overcast, kind of windy, and chilly outside today. We're no longer 20 degrees above seasonal temperatures. :( Fall is here.

To celebrate fall though, I am off to Walmart to get the stuff to make Chili for dinner. I've never made it before, so it will be by no means "award winning". It should still be good, or at least edible.

... In Bed

How I'm Feeling

As I was driving to school this morning, I was thinking. I was thinking that I can't cut all ties with Jeff. Being his friend may be hard right now, but I'm sure it will get easier in time. For now, I need to work on not blaming myself (I do know I did nothing wrong) and stop thinking that it is something that I can fix. If I try to "fix" it then I could lose my best friend. My heart can't handle that too. So, this is where I am right now in the grieving process I guess. If he told me today that he wanted an us again I'd tell him that he has to earn my trust again and prove to me that I'm not his second choice (please don't kill me for putting that, Emily). If he was willing to work to do that then I would, without a doubt, take him back. I still have feelings. I wasn't ready for it to be over and I don't know if I'll get used to it being over. I just knew that it wasn't healthy for me to keep waiting anymore.
So that's where I am. I'm past being really angry. I wanted to call him every name in the book and let him have it. I'm really glad that I didn't but at the time it's what I wanted to do.


By the way, I love how blogging about something that is on my mind makes me feel so much better. It doesn't matter if anyone reads it but knowing that they could, helps... at least for me.
(I wrote this out in BIO earlier today and just now had the chance to post it)

Setting the Curve

I really should be in bed but I really feel like blogging, so I'll blog while sitting on my bed. lol
I didn't end up carving my pumpkin but I did at least buy one. Now I just have to carve it so that it doesn't go to waste. Perhaps tomorrow.
The last 2 days I've had some bad luck. Yesterday at work, I spilt tea all over my left, white shoe. Then I somehow managed to get hot marinara sauce all on my arm when pouring them into the hotwell. I hate my job and want a new one. So tomorrow when I get home, hello search for a new job.
This is supposed to be a happy post though, so no more complaining. I will save that for tomorrow or for not at all. I kind of think a couple of things I actually want to keep private for once. I won't keep them bottled up for long though, no worries. When I have the chance I'll talk to the right person about it all.
So I found out today that I am the top student in my spanish class. I had kind of suspected it but it was confirmed today. It feels awesome to think that if she graded on a curve, I'd be the one setting it. That never happens to me. :)
Earlier, I had thought of a bunch of stuff I wanted to talk about tonight but I've forgotten pretty much all of it. Perhaps it's just my brain telling me to get in bed already. I don't know. I will, however, write again tomorrow.
Until Next Time.

Peeing

It's That Time

So before anyone reads and thinks "damn that girl is bitching a lot" I would like to say that I am totally PMSing and have no patience today.
Now, time to vent...
It started in my computer class this morning. We had to get partners to work on the tutorial with. Well there's the first thing, I'm not a team player I rather do it by myself. Then my partner is so computer illiterate. I don't know how you can be in my generation and be that way. It took us forever to finish.
Then in Spanish the older lady who sits across from kept coughing and never covering her mouth. That is disgusting!! I've been so stressed lately so I know my immune system is weakened. Great! She also always smacks her gum which drives me insane.
Ah now that I've gotten that all out, I'm off to eat some leftovers. I'm starved. Then some tv, walmart for a pumpkin, and a happy blog. Be sure to check back later.

Stalling on Homework

I really need to be doing my spanish homework so I can go out tomorrow night. Instead, I'm on here and facebook and watching Robin Hood. I have a hard time making myself do my spanish homework since I'm doing so well in the class. I know that I need to and I shall do most, if not all, of it before I go to bed tonight.
I've got the house completely to myself tonight. There was a time that I was not at all a fan of that but now I enjoy it. It's rather peaceful and allows me to just have alone time. It's sort of a distresser. If I want the house silent I can actually have it, unlike when there are people home.
I suppose I have stalled enough. Time to do the dreaded homework. :(

Wash Before Returning

All Over the Place with Randomness

It's been a while since I've been up this late and blogging. As usual, there is a ton of stuff on my mind that I could get off right now, but honestly I'm not sure if my blog is the right place to do that. Weird coming from me, who has said pretty much it all. lol
The preview for Paranormal Activity 2 just came on. I saw the first one and it didn't really scare me. I want to see this one, but probably not in the theater. For some reason I'm always more afraid of movies in the theater than at home. So to watch it there I would need a guy to grab, a coat to hide my face, and ear plugs for everyone else. lol
Stupid me decided to hook my phone up and sync it to my laptop while I'm in the living room. It's taking forever to sync and because my laptop battery is fried I can't just take it all into my bedroom without having to start all over when I got in there. And I can't leaving it in the living room because my phone is my alarm. I'm really sleepy. Oh well, it's on step 5 of 6 so it shouldn't be much longer.
My whole, "trying to be more positive" thing is actually going really well for me. I'm trying to end everything with a positive start. So for now, I'm still having those negative thoughts but I don't leave it at that. Got to start somewhere.
Since this blog is all over the place I'd like to add in one more thing. I got the Holiday Victoria's Secret catalog today and OMG I want it all. I don't really have a need for most of it anymore but I'm pretty sure they have a lot of new stuff. I wish they had, had it a year ago. lol. Check it out if you get the chance. "The bra" (the expensive one that will be in the fashion show) is in it. So, if anyone just has an extra $2,000,000 laying around I'd love you forever. :)
Good Night All.

Red Hair

So I'm thinking of going back to red hair. This is one of the only pics I have of me with red hair. This wasn't the best dye job. The color stuck a helluva lot better at the roots than elsewhere. So, what do you think? How do I look with red hair?

Welcome to the Family

Today's song is...

Welcome to the Family by Avenged Sevenfold
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-iOKHjy3sQ

Notification

It's kind of funny how it takes something as simple as a Facebook notification I forgot to remove, to make me sad. I knew it would be a sad day. I had made it through the last few days with little to no sad thoughts though. In the words of Sara Evans "I get a little bit stronger.". It's not easy but it's something that I have to do. So once again, I'm stuck being strong. I'd been strong for so long. That short break was nice and I plan on getting back there. Being that strong just adds extra stress. I can feel it in my chest (but that's probably from all the stress for my psych test earlier. Yucky. Lol.
I miss you.

Short and Sweet

Hello!
Busy week this week so I may not post much. It should (no promises) be back to normal on Thursday night. Have a great week everyone!
Night.

Facebook

Kind of hard to read but the title of each person is enough to get it.

My Darkest Days

It's funny how even on my darkest days (I know they're a band) how someone can say something so simple and it makes me smile. I love not being so stressed anymore. It's been a while since it was so easy to make me smile. Don't get me wrong, I loved how life was... just take it back to how it was in February. Yes, that was a great time. :)
One day, I'll get back to feeling like that. For now, I want to discover me. I want to figure out who exactly I am. What on Earth I want to do with my life and more. Oh and I have some money I was saving up for a trip that I dont need to take anymore... so maybe I can discover me while shopping. lol
Night everyone. I hate Tuesday classes. I get to sit in school from 9-1:20 in nothing but straight from the book lectures. Oh joy.

Citizen Soldier

It's been quite a while since I posted a song of the day.
Today's song is...

Citizen Soldier by 3 Doors Down
I love this song. I can't seem to get sick of it even though I heard it a ton while it was the song for National Guard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgV6VUinDEA

Blonde Driver

Treat Me Like A Princess

I know it seems horrible to judge someone on looks but you have to be able to stand the way they look right? lol I've never been this way before, but suddenly I feel like I'm a lot nicer than the rest of the world.
I'm hot. It's taken me forever to realize that, but I am. I'm not settling for anyone less than me. I'm done being treated like shit. I need to be treated like a Princess. For someone to put me first because I'm always going to put them first.
Somewhere out there is the right guy for me. I'll just keep searching until I find him. No more making excuses for guys... especially if they wouldn't do it for me. Actually, no more treating a guy in a way I don't think he'd treat me. I'd move for him but would he for me? I'd come get him at 3 am if needed but would he me? I'd give him presents for no reason but would give me them?
It's a new look out on relationships for me. It's one of the steps I'm trying to take towards being less stressed. Let's see how this works for me.
(lol, by the way... I'm more or less just rambling. I'm not really already looking to get back into a serious relationship... give me two full weeks first. lol j/k)

He Did It

Dr. Oz & Stress

Right now I'm watching a Dr. Oz episode that I recorded earlier this week. The main topic of it is stress. I know that I am an incredibly over stressed person and I don't want that to be anymore. So, I'm on the quest to find ways to destress and to even limit myself on the amount of stress that I have.
The first thing Dr. Oz is talking about is stress eating and what to eat instead of simple sugar foods. He recommends eating salmon twice a week. I've never had salmon but am interested in trying it. He also suggests vitamins B & C!
Exercise is the next way to destress. He said that climbing stairs for 7 minutes a day reduces your chance of heart disease by 2/3.
The next is to massage your hand for 5 minutes to release cortisol! Aroma Thearpy is also in this category. Take lavender oil, add 10 drops of it to 2 cups of water in a spray bottle. Then spray it throughout the house.
The last one is to find what triggers your stress. Worrying about the the past or the future, looking down on yourself, bad thoughts, and more.

I know that I stress way to much about the future. Most of the time it's about school and future career and that sort of a thing. From now on I want to try to take life a day at a time (except for during tests). I want to start working out more after classes. I'm not going to stress during work. Afterall I am just working at subway. There isn't really a reason that I should stress so much over that job. They don't pay me enough to shorten my life through stress. Lol.
So how do you deal with your stress? What causes you the most stress?

Beer Crossing

Already Getting Stronger

Today is a good day. I mean I'm sick. I feel like shit. I did look cute though. Camo pants, burgundy shirt, and my hair in a bun. :). But I wasn't sad today. I wouldn't say I was happy but I wasn't depressed like I have been. It has to start somewhere. It's like Sara Evans song... "I'm getting a little bit stronger. Just a little bit stronger."
I may post again later. Maybe a picture and song.
Until Next Time.

Moving On is Never Easy

Moving on is never easy. I'm going to screw up. I'm going to say something I'll regret. It's all part of the process though.

I'm really trying to get positive about this whole situation. It's just going to take time. Having someone as yours for 2 years then having to go back to just friends isn't easy. I know I can do it.

Just bare with me for a bit. :)

Friends

I truly have the best friends in the world. They have stuck with me through so much and are as patient as a saint. I love them all and am so sorry the last few months have been so rough. I know my being constantly upset over guys couldn't have been fun. So I promise that we are on the upside of that finally. Hopefully any guy talk will be good from now on. I just have to meet some guys first though. So I'd like to take this chance to thank you all.
Emily- You are always there for me. I really enjoy our lunches together and the occasional shopping and photography trips. You truly are a great friend and you have no idea how lucky I consider myself to still have you as a friend. Thank you for always being there, for offering your advice, and for loving to take pictures. LOL. By the way... 120 days!!!
Veronica- I love you. I feel like I need to be there for you more. You're always there for me. I know that I can come to you for unbiased advice and I treasure that greatly. I can't wait til we hang out next, lots to catch up on.
Sarah M.- Girl we need to hang out! I miss you. Thanks for talking to me on Facebook when I'm up late and can't sleep. Also, thanks for always texting back quickly. :)
Sarah G.- I really hope we get to meet in person someday. We seem to have a lot in common. Thanks for always letting me vent. I'm always here you need to too. I hope you and Josh find an amazing house in NC. Kodi needs a big yard to cause trouble in. lol
Kathy- I'm glad you and Chris are night owls. Thanks for being on facebook for the occasional late night vent.
Jesse- I really had a lot of fun hanging out with you. I wish you would have stuck around though. I know I could have treated you differently. I should have always said what was on my mind. Thank you for always listening and offering your opinion. I was just too blind to see it. :( I hope that you change your mind and decide to give me another chance.
Jeff- This one was hard to write. There really is a lot that I could say but I'm going to stick to the basics ;). Thank you for everything. Thanks for some wonderful memories. Thank you for always being so patient and understanding. Any man that remains patient while clothing shopping with me, really is great. LOL. I hope I set the bar high for the next girl because you set it high for me for the next guy. I know that you are right though, someone great will eventually come along for me. I'm glad that through it all we are still friends. You are one of my best friends and I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to talk to sometimes. Now I have a guys opinion and view on things :)

Unfriended... really?

I had not really done this yet. I'd been putting it off. I didn't think it was real. Here it is a week later though and still no word from you. I guess it's serious. It's just something I never thought you would do. I really thought you were different, better. I was wrong though. No matter the reasoning behind it, how could you think that completely cutting me out of your life was a good thing? Why is it always the guys who get to make those decisions? Why can't it ever be mutual? How does this make you so much different and better like you claimed? It doesn't.
If your goal was to piss me off, then you have succeeded. This is just childish.
How is it that you liked me so much and all of a sudden you're gone without a word? I seriously was having a great time getting to know you and was excited to get to know you better. I really wanted to. You know how some people claim to know someone is they're one shortly after just meeting them? To be 100% honest, I was actually becoming one of those people. I'm an incredibly picky and easily annoyed person. In the four months that I have known you, I've found only one thing that I didn't like about you. One thing that honestly, I think you'll grow out of. That's a huge thing for me. Generally, everyone has a ton of things that I don't like about them. Just trust me on that.
What am I though? Why nothing more than a hopeless romantic. I can't help it. I've always been that way I suppose. Perhaps that's all that I ever will be. I just wish I knew why you did this to me. Why you dropped me cold with no reason at all. I've done everything besides show up to your door trying to figure it out. So just man up and tell me what's up!! Until you do, I don't know if I can get over you. I don't know if I want to.

Hearts Tell All

To Do Nothing

You know those days when you know that you have a TON of stuff that you should be doing but you don't feel like doing any of it. Well, today is one of those days for me. I'm sitting here on the couch watching The Vampire's Assistant. I'm not doing anything productive. I am, however, hungry. I'd really like so chips and salsa right now actually. Maybe it's not a bad thing though. Maybe all I need is to do nothing though. To just sit around on the couch and forget the last week. Too bad I can't do that today though... perhaps tomorrow.

Drama, Drama, Drama

I would say this weekend was really relaxing and just what I needed, but that would be a lie. That's what this weekend should have been. It should have made me forget all of this stupid drama going on in my life. I really do hate drama. I feel like I'm back in freaking high school and I was not crazy about high school.
Sometimes I wonder what is up with all of this. Why do I let myself get here and why do I put up with it?
Anyway though, I have a Spanish test in the morning. Off to bed for me. I'm planning on going to Starbucks to study since I really only have to show up to my first class long enough to turn in my work. :) I'm sure if I take my laptop I'll get bored and post there.
Until Next Time.

Phone Sex

Tell Me Why

I thought I finally had it all figured out.
I thought I knew what I wanted.
I've had a great time with you.
I had figured out you were what I wanted.  
I knew I wouldn't be in this situation with you.
So when I decided to make my decision you were on my mind.
You have been on my mind since.
But what am I supposed to do now?
Now that I am here without you?
This is what you wanted and is what I want.
So why do you ignore me?
Why do you hurt me so?
Just tell me why!

Roses are Red

A Wondering Mind

As I sat in Biology today, learning first about cancer then about sex and finally about genetics; I wondered well.... a lot of things. I decided to share.

1.) Jeff, just in general.
2.) Jesse's great run on his PT test this morning... congrats!!
3.) OMG... I have cancer. You'd have to know me to really understand this one.
4.) How when you eat an apple or orange you are eating an ovary (learned that today).
5.) The Air Force once again crossed my mind. I think it'd have a lot to off, I just don't know if I could do it courtesy of my knees.
6.) "Me are sperm machines." Yes, this is the type of stuff my BIO teacher says. Another great quote of the day was "I'm never going to be a Golden God."
7.) Halloween and what I want to do. I really want to party and go out. Oh or someone could just throw a Halloween party. I'd go to that too!! :)
8.) The fact that the instructor was sick, could barely talk, and still wouldn't release us early.
9.) I don't have any fun apps on my phone... suggestions??
10.) My belly ring was kind of sore and I thought of doing a salt soak when I got home (which I did).

Haha. Yes, this is a general day in biology for me. My mind is everywhere but where it should be. Maybe that explains why this is my second time taking biology. No worries though, there won't be a third time.

Here Without You

Today's song of the day is...

Here Without You by 3 Doors Down
Heard it in a store today and just been stuck in my head since.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPBzTxZQG5Q

Body Language

Wondering

Quite often I sit around wondering what has become of my life. It's not a horrid thing just a change. I've always known what I'm going to do. I'm a researcher, a planner. It's who I am. Now I don't know. Maybe that's a good thing though. For now I will try not to worry about it. Haha, me not worry? I know, that's crazy.
Right now I need to be worrying about well, 1.) My computer class that I'm sitting here in and 2.) My psych test that I haven't even started on yet. Yikes because it's due next Tuesday. I'll finish it though, just in the style of a procrastinator.

Carpe diem