Grabbing the Bull by the Horns

I'm tired of being strong. It's not easy and it's tiring. I don't like not being strong so I will continue to be strong. I just may not always be happy about it. lol. I'm sick of bitching and complaining. I've actually bee really good about not complaining so much. I just want to let you know that I'm about to blow that.

I should be really happy right now. I got an email from Jeff (second one so far) this afternoon. Usually I would be smiling from ear to ear right now. Instead all I'm able to think about is the fact that I'm supposed to be so strong during this whole situation. So that's added on top to being strong while he is underway, while he is "off saving the world" (his words and I love it). I'm not saying I can't do it or I don't want to do it. If I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't have done it even this long. I guess all that I'm saying is that I wish he knew how hard I'm trying and how hard it is. I just want everyone to know that I'm fine but certain things that remind me of him a lot may send me over the edge.

I do the best that I can and I am the best that I can be. I have never been one to not go at something full force. I've grabbed this bull by the horns and I sure as hell am going to ride it til I'm bucked off. I'm here, I've figured out how to both live my life and wait for the love of my life. I guess now, all I can do is pray that I'm waiting for something that will happen and not something that will break my heart again.

Gosh I sound bipolar in this entry. lol. I promise I'm not, it's just one of those days.