Work, Missing Someone, and Being an Adult

What a day! Today was my first 8 hour shift at work. I go in to find that I work another one tomorrow. Oh joy, my knees are going to love me. At least the day after it I only work 3 hours. I've got 31 hours on the schedule this week. I could have had a few more on Friday but there is too much going on that day. So I'll just stick with the 3 hours I've got. Anyway, I've already decided that there are some people that I like to work with and those that make me want to quit on the spot. lol. I shall use no names but I will say that I worked with one of the people that makes me want to quit today. The good news is that I didn't quit, the bad news is that I seriously dread working with said person. Enough about work though.

So right now, I'm watching Legion. The first time I saw it I had Jeff's arm to grab. I'm home alone this time. It's really made me think. For starters, I will try really hard not to write anymore sappy, sad, or lovey blogs for a while. Ok, well for as long as I can tolerate. It is my blog after all. :) So for the first time, I am publicly admitting that I miss Jeff. I want it to be known that there isn't a thing I wouldn't do to make everything alright. I want it to be known that I do not have feelings for anyone but him and that I may be single but I am by no means available. I broke down last night, I had been holding in. I had been nothing but strong. I couldn't do it anymore though, so I broke down and cried. I got weak and now I'm having a hard time being strong again. Don't think that I'm constantly crying or just feeling sorry for myself. I'm not being strong in the sense that I can't get him off of my mind. That for the first time I'm thinking about how much I miss him and everything that I took for granted before. I'm trying to think of what I could do to fix everything but sadly I think it's not really something I alone can fix. So, I'm allowing myself to be sad and feel like this for a day or two because I think it's better to do that than to hold it in and lose it again. I don't want to cry like that again, I feel like a weak child when I do. That isn't me.

I am 20 years old. I am 20 years old and until recently I have not felt like an adult. I'm sure that seems pathetic and I'd agree. I have had few responsibilities, few opportunities that have mad me need to grow up. I don't know what it is that changed that, but I know that I suddenly want some sort of responsibility. I want to start acting my age. I am 20 years old and I went to a club for the first time last Friday. I am 20 years old and I'm going to upgrade my phone and pay for my upgrade and upgrade options. Sure those seem like small things, but I have to start somewhere. And even though they are small things, I'm proud of myself.

In summary then (oh yes, I'm throwing a summary into this one), I love and hate my job. I will probably not have it for a long time but I will not quit it until I have another one already (another adult thing in my opinion). I miss Jeff, I would probably be grabbing his arm right now. I want to do whatever I can to work things out with us. And finally, I am starting to feel my age. I am feeling like an adult.

Until Next Time (later tonight)