Panic

So today is apparently one of those days. Maybe it's just the way my day has gone but I don't know. I basically had a panic attack at work today when I was there alone for the first time. Now, I'm sad and missing him. Cosmo probably isn't helping that but hey. Actually, now that I know you read this I don't want to put it all in here. lol. Oh well though, if I don't put it in here I'll just continue to think about it. So... this morning I panicked at work. I was there by myself for the first time. I still don't know how to make all of the sandwiches, I don't even know where everything is still. At one point in time I was literally having a panic attack, stupid I know. Then all I wanted to do was text him because I know that he can always calm me down. I know it's silly that all I wanted to do was text him but even with everything that's going on he's still someone I would turn to. I resisted though. I didn't do it. In a way, I'm proud of myself but at the same time I just wish I could have done it.

I don't know what I'm thinking, I don't know why I'm writing this. There is a lot of stuff I can't admit right now, but I'd love to. I'd love to be able to get it ALL off of my chest, let all out. And if tears come with that then to just let them flow instead of being strong and holding them in. I can't say much more right now, I'm no longer in the mood to write.